Daniel Baker, 40, and Robert Richardson, 19, were arrested in Altoona, Fla., after getting caught loading appliances from a vacant house. According to the arrest report, both men seemed shocked to learn that items in a vacant house aren’t just free for the taking.
Pets Of The One-Percent
“The worshipful treatment of pets may be the thing that unites all Americans,” wrote an Atlantic Magazine blogger, who was describing the luxury terminal for animals (ARK) under construction at New York’s JFK airport. The ARK will offer shower stalls for traveling horses, “conjugal stations” for penguins and housing for nearly 200 cows. Passengers traveling with dogs or cats can book the Paradise 4 Paws pet-pampering resort. The ARK is a for-profit venture; said a July Crain’s New York Business report, “You hear stories about the crazy money that rich people spend on their animals. They’re mostly true.”
Government In Action
— It is now officially “unreasonable” for a federal agency, such as the Bureau of Land Management, to fail to say yes or no for 29 years to a drilling permit application. Before July’s federal court decision, the bureau had argued that 29 years was not too long. A company had requested to drill one exploratory well in Montana for natural gas in 1985. The bureau had delayed its pronouncement on the application six times since then. The judge ordered the bureau to set a deadline for deciding.
— Georgia is one of six states that make taxpayers shell out huge fees to access its databases of public records. The state tries so hard to control its archive that in a recent federal lawsuit, it said opposition to its policy was basically “terrorism.” Activists (Public.Resource.org) have been establishing workarounds to free up some databases for citizen use, but Georgia demands that they stop. Georgia even claims “copyright” protection for one category of important legal documents that were drafted by state bureaucrats, audaciously calling them “original” and “creative” works.
— In July, the mayor of the town of Ador, Spain (pop. 1,400), officially enacted a law that required afternoon siesta from 2 to 5 pm. Businesses were ordered to close, and children were to remain indoors (and quiet).
Police Report
— At a traffic stop in Rockingham, Ver., on July 26, both driver and passenger were charged with DUI. Erik Polite, 35, was the driver (clocked at 106 mph on Interstate 91). While he was being screened for intoxication, passenger Leeshawn Baker, 34, jumped behind the wheel and peeled off in reverse across the highway, nearly hitting the trooper, who arrested him.
— Nathaniel Harrison, 38, was arrested in a Phoenix suburb on several charges, including possession of a deadly weapon during a felony. He escaped an even more serious charge when a second “deadly weapon” failed to engage. Harrison reportedly intended to retaliate against a snitch. He arrived at the man’s home carrying a rattlesnake, which he pointed at the man, hoping it would bite him. However, the snake balked.
— In Tavares, Fla., Corey Ramsey, 23, was arrested for burglary when a police officer caught him sitting on a toilet in a vacant, for-sale house. Ramsey’s said he was contemplating buying the $299,000 house and wanted to try it out first.
Protest!
— A total of 200 protesters gathered in front of Hong Kong police headquarters on Aug. 2 to denounce the 3 1/2-month jail sentence given to Ng Lai-ying, 30, who was convicted of assault for shoving a police officer with her chest. Women (and some men) who were wearing bras as “outerwear” chanted, “A breast is not a weapon.” Ng was originally protesting the issue of abuses concerning imports and exports between Hong Kong and mainland China cities.
— An Aug. 1 demonstration outside Britain’s Parliament to protest legislation to curb legal psychoactive drugs drew 100 people, who consumed nitrous oxide. As organizers distributed gas-filled balloons for demonstrators to take hits from, “the group erupted in fits of laughter,” according to The Guardian.
Funny Old World
The Welsh language is such a severe mutation of the original English spoken in the Middle Ages that, to the inexperienced eye, it is barely distinguishable from, say, Klingon. In fact, in July, the Welsh government, which was responding to queries about a possible UFO sighting near Cardiff airport, playfully issued its galaxy-friendly response in Klingon: “jang vlDa je due luq,” meaning that further information would be provided. By comparison, in Welsh, “I cannot understand Welsh” is “Nad oes modd I ddeall Cymraeg.” Recently, in Swansea, Wales, alleged drug dealer Dwaine Campbell adamantly refused to leave his cell for a court hearing because he feared he would be judged in Welsh. Authorities promised to transfer the case to Campbell’s native England.
Wrong Place, Wrong Time
Late one night in July, police in Phoenix were chasing a speeding truck whose driver eventually lost control and careened into a house near Mulberry Drive. As officers were checking for victims in the house, they discovered a large quantity of marijuana and opened an investigation of the residents.
News Of The Weird Classic
The human brain’s 100 billion neurons may have such specific functions that a few electrically charge only when they recognize a single celebrity, such as Oprah Winfrey or Bill Clinton. UCLA researchers who were studying the healthy cells of pre-op epilepsy patients inadvertently discovered this ability of neurons. Patients were presented with “hundreds of stimuli,” one researcher told The Wall Street Journal in October, 2009, but “the neuron would respond to only one or two.” For example, there were neurons that reacted only to Jennifer Aniston, to Mother Teresa or to characters on The Simpsons.
Bright Ideas
Saudi Arabia has a soft side — for jihadists. Saudis who defy a ban on leaving the country to fight (usually against Syria’s Bashar al-Assad) are, if they return, imprisoned at a maximum-security facility in Riyadh. However, they take liberal “vacations” at “Family House” — hotel-quality quarters with good food, playgrounds for children and other privileges. Returning jihadists also have access to education and therapy. They receive $530 a month — with ATM privileges. The purpose is to persuade the warriors not to return to the battlefield once they are released. Officials estimate that the program is 85 percent effective.
Highly Committed People
— On May 30, Logan Shaulis, 19, set up his own elaborate “DUI checkpoint” on route 601 near Somerset, Penn., complete with road flares. He demanded “license, registration and insurance” from driver after driver. The irony of the inebriated Shaulis judging motorists’ sobriety was short-lived, as real troopers soon arrived and arrested him — on DUI, among other charges.
— A woman identified only as Zeng was imprisoned in August in Urumqi, China, 10 years after she was convicted of corruption. Availing herself of a traditional “probation” option in Chinese law for expectant mothers, Zeng had remained free by getting herself pregnant 14 times in the 10 years.
Barnyard Theater
British director Missouri Williams brought an adaptation of Shakespeare’s King Lear to the London Courtyard art facility in August. He staged the play using only sheep. The silence of Lear’s daughter Cordelia forever tortures Lear. Of course, silence is something sheep pull off well. Actor Alasdair Saksena admitted there is an “element of unpredictability with the sheep.” But he lauded their punctuality, calmness and lack of fee demands. Williams promised another Courtyard run for King Lear With Sheep in the fall.
Americanizing China
After five students drowned while swimming in a reservoir in China’s Yunnan province, parents of two of them sued the reservoir’s management company, complaining that it should have posted signs or barricades or, even better, guards, to keep kids from frolicking in the dangerous waters. According to an August report, the management company has now countersued the parents, demanding compensation for the additional water-treatment measures it was forced to undertake because the reservoir had been “polluted” by their children’s corpses.
New Hampshire Blues
— The president of the University of New Hampshire publicly complained in July about the “bias-free language guide” posted on the school’s website. He said it denounces use of such words as “Americans” (as being insensitive to South Americans), “seniors” (as inferior to “people of advanced age”), “rich” and “poor” (which should be changed to “person who lacks advantages that others have”). One state senator suggested changing the state’s “Live Free or Die” motto to “Live Free But Upset No One.”
— According to House Bill 212, anyone who commits sexual assault while out hunting or fishing will also have his hunting or fishing license revoked.
The Turtle News
— A female Yangtze giant softshell turtle, believed to be the last female of her species, was artificially inseminated in May at Suzhou Zoo in China through the efforts of animal fertility experts from around the world. She is thought to be more than 100 years old. So was her last boyfriend. However, their courtship produced only unfertilized eggs.
— The Times of London reported in July that while Briton Pamela Horner was searching for her lost tortoise Boris, she found “tortoise porn” on YouTube. The tape was mostly mating sounds. Horner played the tape in the yard and lured the turtle back. A tortoise expert told The Times: “They make quite a lot of noise.”
‘Boobquake’
In mid-April, 2010, senior Iranian cleric Ayatollah Kazem Sedighi warned that recent earthquakes in Haiti, Chile and elsewhere were caused by women’s loose sex and immodest dress. Immediately, Australian Jennifer McCreight responded on Facebook by urging women worldwide to dress provocatively on April 26, 2010, to create a “boobquake” and test the cleric’s theory. At least 90,000 women promised they would reveal serious cleavage on that date. On April 26, following a several-day absence of earthquakes, a quake measuring 6.5 on the Richter scale hit just south of Taiwan. This is a slight advantage to the Sedighi, since a Purdue University seismologist observed that a 6.5 quake was not uncommon for that region.
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