An 80-year-old man and a 37-year-old woman were ticketed in separate incidents in Canada when police spotted them driving cars that were completely caked in snow except for a small portion of the windshield. The man, from Brussels, Ont., was driving a car police said resembled a “pile of snow on the road.” The Halifax, Nova Scotia, woman’s car was, a police statement said, “a snowbank with four wheels.”
Managerial Material
A manager at a Morro Bay, Calif., Burger King convinced BK employees to begin shattering the store’s windows when a prank caller said the restaurant had a gas leak. An investigation of the call is ongoing.
I Sue Dead People
Serial litigant Jonathan Lee Riches filed another claim in January — this one against the Tennessee couple identified as winners in the recent $1.6 billion Powerball lottery. John and Lisa Robinson, Riches says, “owe” him half their winnings because he says he sent their daughter Tiffany (who Riches claims is his pen pal) $20 to buy Powerball tickets. Riches’ lawsuit, written in longhand, claims he and Tiffany were to be married and move to “a remote island full of milk and honey” and wrote from a Philadelphia mosque). It is expected this lawsuit will suffer the same fate as his suits against George W. Bush, Britney Spears, Steve Jobs, Nostrodamus, the ancient Greek philosopher Plato and the Kardashians.
Bingo Squad
In November, police in Altamonte Springs, Fla., raided the Escondido Community Clubhouse, and shut down the retirement village’s games of bingo, bunko, penny poker and its weekly sessions mahjong. Although none of the games is illegal under state law, advertising for-money games is. Notices in the Heritage Florida Jewish News were such attention-getters that the pots for the games often grew to exceed the $10 legal maximum. Given mahjong’s sociological significance, news of the bust was reported as far abroad as Jerusalem’s Times of Israel.
Zero Brains Policy
In January, 15-year-old Anthony Ruelas, trying to rescue a classmate gasping from an asthma attack, became the latest casualty in public schools’ relentless insistence on zero tolerance of any deviation from rules. Gateway Middle School in Killeen, Texas, suspended Ruelas for two days for what some called heroic assistance in gathering the girl in his arms and taking her to the nurse’s office. The teacher, following “procedure,” waited passively for a nurse to email instructions. Ruelas had defied the teacher, declaring, “We ain’t got time to wait for no email from the nurse.” The school district’s superintendent later cited a federal law that he interpreted as justifying the school’s decision.
Great Art
Fed up with the “pretense” of the art world, announcer Lisa Levy of Brooklyn, sat on a toilet, naked, at the Christopher Stout Gallery in January. Visitors were invited to sit on a toilet that faced her and interact with her in any way except for touching her. (Visitors didn’t have to take off their clothes to sit on the toilet.) Levy told the Bushwick Daily website that too much ego is “like a drug that distorts your reality.”
The Key To Chastity
A middle-aged woman called a firehouse in Padua, Italy, to ask for help opening a lock for which she had misplaced the key. It turned out the lock was to the iron chastity belt she was wearing. She said she was wearing the belt of her own free will, because she had recently begun a romantic relationship that she wanted to keep chaste.
Maybe Stick To Chiropractic?
Chiropractor William DeAngelo of Stratford, Conn., was charged with assault after an employee complained that she was ordered to lie down on a table and let DeAngelo apply electrical shocks to her back. DeAngelo was allegedly “punishing” her for spreading rumors about colleagues. DeAngelo said he was reacting to complaints from patients and staff. He seemed to suggest in a statement to police that he was only “re-educating” the woman on how to use the electrical stimulator in the office’s practice. Still, she felt the need to go to a hospital after the incident.
Useless Initiative
Christopher Lemek, Jr., was arrested in Palmer, Mass., and charged in a hit-and-run accident that took a pedestrian’s life. Lemek emerged as a suspect a few days after the collision when police visiting his home noticed freshly disturbed earth in his backyard. Eventually, Lemek confessed to burying the evidence — using a construction vehicle to crush his truck and an excavator to dig up his backyard and drop the truck into it.
Why We Have Pre-Nups
The 20-year marriage of Gabriel Villa, 90, and Cristina Carta Villa, 59, apparently had its happy moments. But when things went bad recently, Gabriel attempted to improve his situation by obtaining a Dominican Republic divorce and keeping it secret. Cristina found out only when she realized that her name was not on the deed to their Manhattan apartment. She is now suing her husband, alleging that his divorce is improper — even under Dominican law.
Tech Lag
Several Connecticut state troopers involved in a DUI checkpoint were apparently caught on video deliberating about whether to make up charges against a checkpoint monitor. Veteran Michael Picard posted videos that showed the troopers confiscating Picard’s camera and suggesting to each other charges that they should write up against Picard. One trooper was heard using the phrase “cover our asses.” After a while, the troopers returned the camera to Picard. They seemed unaware that it had been running during the entire incident. State police internal affairs officers are investigating.
The Epicureans
The Scottish love haggis — sheep’s liver, heart, tongue and fat, blended with oats and seasonings, boiled inside a sheep’s stomach. In January, in honor of Scottish Robert Burns, prominent Peruvian chef Mitsuharu Tsumura joined Scotland’s Paul Wedgwood to create haggis with guinea pig instead of sheep. Wedgwood said he was “proud” to raise haggis “to new gastronomic levels.”
Least Competent Criminals
— Briton Jacqueline Patrick, 55, was sentenced to 15 years in prison for the 2013 murder of her husband, which she accomplished by spiking his wine with anti-freeze. To cover her crime, she handed over a note the husband had supposedly written. The author of the note requested that if tragedy struck him, he wished not to be resuscitated, preferring to die with “dignerty” (sic). Suspicious police asked Patrick to spell “dignity.” Of course, she spelled it “dignerty.”
— Kristina Green, 19, and Gary Withers, 38, both already on probation, were arrested in Encinitas, Calif., in December after an Amazon.com driver reported they were following his delivery truck and scooping up packages as soon as he dropped them off. Inside the pair’s car, officers found numerous parcels and mail. There was also a “To Do” list that read, “steal mail and shoplift.”
— In January, a 27-year-old man in North Pole, Alaska, was forced to flee a crime scene on foot because he had locked his keys inside the getaway car. He was identified by surveillance video outside the two businesses he burglarized. He is still at large.
— As police chased David Boulet, in Tacoma, Wash., he spotted a parked, marked squad car with it lights flashing. He climbed in — and landed on the lap of a Tacoma police sergeant.
Weird News Classic
In October, 2011, the winners of a Kingston, Ontario, radio station contest claimed their prize: the chance to don gloves and dig for free Buffalo Bills’ football tickets buried in buffalo manure in a wading pool. The show’s host, Sarah Crosbie, reported the digging live (although the odor eventually made her physically ill). A runner-up contestant mucked around for the second prize even though it was only tickets to a local zoo.
Military Intelligence
For more than two years, the head of U.S. Navy intelligence has been prohibited from accessing classified information. Vice Admiral Ted Branch came under investigation in 2013 in a corruption scandal that involved a foreign defense contractor and various Navy personnel. He might have been suspended from his duties. But, given the political gridlock in Washington, no consensus candidate for his replacement has emerged. No charges have been filed against Branch. However, before he enters any room at the Pentagon, classified material must be stowed away.
New World Order
— Yet another woman gave birth to her own granddaughter in January. Tracey Thompson, 54, offered to be the surrogate mother for her daughter, Kelley. Tracey delivered a 6-pound, 11-ounce girl at The Medical Center in Plano, Texas.
— Latin America claimed its first transgender pregnancy after Ecuadorean Fernando Machado announced he was expecting a child with his partner Diane Rodriguez. Fernando used to be “Maria” and Diane used to be “Luis.” Though both undergo hormone therapy, they have retained their birth organs.
Just Say Yes — To Cash!
In Richmond, Calif., the D.C. Council authorized funding to pay stipends to criminals if they stop committing crimes. Under the terms of the program, police would identify up to 50 residents likely to violently offend in 2016 and offer them periodic cash payments along with special training and educational benefits. Criminals would get the money only as long as they stayed out of trouble. Officials in Richmond, which was once overwhelmed by gun deaths, say the 10-year-old program has produced a 76 percent drop in gun-related crime.
Awkward
In January, Israeli television journalist Eitam Lachover became the latest to be injured in a high-profile test of a “protective” vest when he volunteered to be stabbed on camera for a news segment. The vest company officials’ faces turned red as the blade penetrated the vest. (The wound was described as “light.”)
Prank Fail
Will Lombardi, 19, was charged with arson in Northampton, Mass., after he acknowledged that “probably” he was the one who left a flaming box of excrement on the front porch of the family with whose daughter he was feuding. The fire was supposed to alarm the victim, who would try to stomp it out, thus spreading the feces and soiling the stomper’s shoes. In this case, it was the fire, and not the feces, that spread. Bonus: Lombardi’s box was a used mailer with Lombardi’s name and address on it.
Undignified Deaths
A 47-year-old man in Saint-Marcel, Italy, fell to his death as he leaned over a balcony railing to shake crumbs off his tablecloth after breakfast. The tablecloth reportedly slipped from his hands and he reached a little too far for it.
Weird News Classic
A judge in Nice, France, ruled in September, 2011, that Article 215 of the French civil code, which defines marriage as a “shared communal life,” requires that husband and wife have sex. A husband identified only as “Jean-Louis B.” had evidently lost interest years earlier, and his wife was granted a divorce. She then filed a monetary claim against the husband for the value of his 21-year-long lack of service. The judge awarded her 10,000 euros (then worth about $13,710, or $653 a year).
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