Alfred Guercio, 54, was arrested in Burnsville, Minn., after forcibly entering a neighbor’s home and swiping a knife set that he had given the woman of the house as a Christmas gift. He told the woman and police he was taking the gift back as he was upset because the woman didn’t appreciate it enough.
Is This A Great Country Or What?
— There’s hardly a more generic song in America than “Happy Birthday to You.” But to this day, Warner/Chappel Music is still trying to make big dollars off the 16-word ditty. Its original copyright should have expired in 1921. But amendments to the law and technicalities in interpretation bring Warner at least $2 million a year in fees. A federal judge in California is expected to rule soon on whether the song can in fact be copyrighted 125 years after sisters Mildred and Patty Hill composed it.
— In 2014, lightly regulated investors’ hedge funds failed to outearn ordinary stock index funds for the sixth straight year. In spite of this, during the six-year period, the Top 25 hedge fund managers earned $11.62 billion in fees and salaries — an average of more than $464 million each. The highest-paid hedge fund manager earned $1.3 billion, which is more than 48 times what the highest-paid major league baseball player earned.
Can’t Possibly Be True
— Accused amateur tooth-puller Philip Hansen, 56, was convicted on two counts in May following a trial in Wellington (New Zealand) District Court. Several women had accused him of holding their mouths open and wriggling teeth out with pliers. He was, apparently, motivated by his attraction to “gummy women.” He lauded the “free” service he was providing, since real dentists, he said, would have charged the women. Hansen allegedly told one woman with full dentures how “beautiful” she was as he removed the plates and flushed them down a toilet.
Ironies
— “The ancient art of yoga is supposed to offer a path to inner peace,” wrote the Wall Street Journal in February before launching into a report on how many yoga classes these days are so crowded that participants are more likely than ever to openly confront floor-hoggers. Explained one coach, “People who are practicing yoga want Zen; they don’t already have it.”
— Joseph Forren, 21, who had a .172 blood alcohol level at the time, plowed into a pick-up truck in April in Trumbull, Conn. Police said Forren’s cellphone on the seat still displayed a text message that read, “Don’t drink and drive … Dad.”
— According to police records, Mila Dago was trading sarcastic texts with her ex-boyfriend on a night in August 2013 when she was barhopping. She would eventually register .178 blood alcohol. At one point, she ran a red light and smashed into a pickup truck, injuring herself badly and her friend in the passenger seat fatally. According to the police report, her last text to the ex- boyfriend was “Driving drunk woo … I’ll be dead thanks to you.” Dago, 24, is now awaiting trial for DUI manslaughter.
Suspicions Confirmed
— Doorman Ralph Body, 41, was dismissed from his job at an upscale New York City apartment building because he did too many favors for tenants, according to an April New York Post report. Body said he “gave his life” to the residents at the “27 on 27th” tower in Queens. But “upper management” thought such extra kindnesses violated building policy and ordered his dismissal in spite of a tenant petition in his behalf.
— When the chief auditor for Hartford, Conn., checked the finances of the police shooting range recently, he found that the range supervisor had bought 485,000 bullets per year, but used only 180,000. There was no paperwork as to where the other bullets went. The supervisor acknowledged having bought 94,500 rounds of .45-caliber ammo two years after the department had and switched to .40-caliber weapons. His story was that he needed .45-caliber bullets so he could trade them for .40s.
Reader’s Choice
— The Indian Journal of Dermatology announced in April that it was withdrawing a recent scientific paper by a dentist in Kerala state — “Development of a Guideline to Approach Plagiarism in Indian Scenarios.” Journal editors said parts of the article had been plagiarized from a student dissertation.
— Low voter turnout in non-presidential election years is increasingly problematic in Los Angeles. The issue was addressed by candidates in the March 3 city council election. But only 9 percent of registered voters cast ballots in the election.
New World Order
Most sports now have a fantasy sports version. Even the bass-fishing tournament circuit has a fantasy league. Fans select anglers who are good at exploiting choice spots on lakes. In March, the Alaska Dispatch News reported that, for the fourth straight year, there would be an Iditarod Fantasy League with a “salary cap” of “$27,000” that would pick seven “mushers” with the best chances to push their dogs to victory. All-stars went for $6,000 and promising rookies for much less.
Fine Points Of The Law
John Deere became the most recent company in America to claim that though a buyer may have paid in full for a device, he may not actually own it. Deere claims that because its tractors run on sophisticated computer programs, the ostensible owner of the tractor cannot “tamper” with that software without Deere’s permission — even to repair a defect or to customize its operation. Already, traditional movie videos may come with restrictions on copying, but the Deere case, according to an April report on Wired.com, might extend the principle to machinery not traditionally subject to copyright law.
Cultural Diversity
An arranged marriage ceremony in Kanpur, India, was about to start when cousins of the bride commandeered center stage and demanded that groom Ram Baran answer the question, “What is 15 plus 6?” Baran answered, “17.” In short order, the bride and her family began to drift out of the room, and the marriage was off. Eventually, according to a Times of India report, the families settled the fiasco amicably, with all gifts returned.
Great Art Class!
Among the requirements of Visual Arts 104A at the University of California-San Diego is that students make a presentation while nude in a darkened room. Professor Ricardo Dominguez, who would also be nude for the finals, told TV station KGTV that a nude “gesture” was indeed required as a “performance of self.” After an inquiry by KGTV, the department chairman announced that nudity would not be required for course credit. Dominguez responded that in his 11 years of teaching the course, no student had ever complained before.
The Litigious Society
Sapearya Sao was stone cold sober when he was rammed by drunken hit-and-run driver Nathan Wisbeck in Portland, Ore. Wisbeck later rammed another drunk driver. Now Sao finds himself the object of a lawsuit by the two people injured in Wisbeck’s second collision. Sao recently settled the lawsuit brought by the second drunk driver, but still faces a $9.8 million lawsuit brought by the estate of the second drunk driver’s late passenger, which argues that if Sao had not pursued Wisbeck in an attempt to identify him, the second crash would not have occurred. Of course, the crash also might not have occurred if the second driver, who had a 0.11 blood alcohol count, had been sober.
Wait, What?
— British forensic scientist Dr. Brooke Magnanti, 39, has written two best-selling books and inspired a TV series based on her life. She recently filed a lawsuit accusing her ex-boyfriend of libeling her by telling people that she did not used to be a prostitute. A major part of Magnanti’s biography is about how she paid for university studies through prostitution. The stories of this time in her life supposedly enhanced the marketability of her books.
— In a recent contract murder case in Norway, the hit man, who stalled repeatedly, was finally sued by the person who had paid him to commit the murder. The jury decided in favor of the employer. The verdict was later set aside. Because the hit man had attempted to extort additional money from his employer (on the pretext that he needed the money to find a substitute killer), the jury fined the hit man $1,200.
Unclear On The Concept
Three-fourths of the 1,580 IRS workers found to have deliberately attempted to evade federal income tax during the last 10 years have retained their jobs, according to a May report by the agency’s inspector general. Some even received promotions and performance bonuses. But an internal rule adopted last year forbids bonuses for employees judged to owe back taxes.
Latest Religious Messages
The long-time Nashville swingers’ club, The Social Club, is trying to relocate to the trendy Madison neighborhood. However, it would be located near two churches and an upscale private Christian school in a state that bars sex businesses within 1,000 feet of a church or school. The Social Club suggests this solution: it will re-open as the United Fellowship Center and hold church services on Sunday mornings. For this purpose, it would convert its “dungeon room” into a “choir room.”
Bright Ideas
At the Sanmenxia canyon rapids in China’s Henan province, the lifeguards wear body cameras. The all-female White Swan Women’s Rafting Rescue Team has complained about swimmers deliberately throwing themselves into the water and screaming for help so that they can fondle the women when they arrive to save them. The cameras attached to the women’s helmets and legs are expected to deter perverts.
Pets With Issues
— A veterinarian at the Brighton, U.K., Pet Hospital was operating on Garry, a 2-year-old black-and-white cat with a bulge in his abdomen. The vet found and removed a large collection of shoelaces and hairbands that might have cost Garry his life if they had stayed in place.
— Benno, the Belgian Malinois, of Mountain Home, Ark., has eaten a ridiculous series of items over his four years. In April, he ate 23 live rounds of .308 caliber bullets. Among other things he ate: a bra, a lawn mower air filter, a TV remote, Styrofoam peanuts, drywall, magnets and an entire loaf of bread — that was still in the wrapper.
— In May, owner Aaron Rouse was using tongs to feed his python Winston a rat in May. But Winston got hold of the tongs and would not let go. Rouse, of Adelaide, Australia, decided not to engage in a tug-of-war. He left the snake alone for a while, believing Winston would soon lose interest in the tongs. But in fact, when he returned, the tongs had been swallowed and were halfway through the snake’s comically bloated body. After X-rays that became Internet attractions, a veterinarian at Adelaide University removed the tongs by surgery.
Crime In Florida
— Daniel Palmer, 26, was arrested in Miami Beach in April after he returned to the crime scene area to berate his victim, a New York tourist from whom he had snatched a necklace at gunpoint. At first, Palmer got away. But when he returned, the victim pointed out Palmer’s car to an officer on the scene.
— Joey Mudd, 34, of Largo, was arrested in May, along with her husband, Chad, on charges that they routinely shared marijuana and even cocaine with their daughters, aged 13 and 14. Deputies said Mudd freely admitted she used the drugs as incentives to get the girls to do their chores and do well in school.
Last Words
— “Go ahead and shoot me,” said Rodney Gilbert, 57, who was embroiled in a domestic tiff with his girlfriend, Kimberly Gustafson, in Ocala, Fla. According to police, Gustafson cocked her gun in front of witnesses. She turned to walk away without firing. Gilbert pursued her, shouting his final words several more times.
— “You’re going to shoot? Right here,” said now-deceased Roberto Corona, pointing to his chest. Corona was refusing to reveal the whereabouts of his sister to her husband, David Sanchez-Dominguez, who was pointing his handgun at Corona.
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