We Don’t Mind Being Second
With Father’s Day fast approaching, I just wanted to do my part in the ongoing cause of keeping life in perspective.
From the beginning of times, dads have always been good at that. Well, most of the time.
The key perspective that all fathers must have is that we are and should always be second to moms.
Mother’s Day should reign above Father’s Day, and you know the reason. Moms brought us all into this world. No way to top that one.
Dads are OK with being second on the totem pole. Compare the national television commercials for Mother’s Day and our day in June and you can tell dads are running a distant second.
The only thing we ask is to not be totally forgotten or relegated to some goofy tie — do people really still buy ties for Father’s Day? — or a tool we will never use or already have buried somewhere in the garage.
I am now speaking to sons, daughters, and maybe a few mothers out there who have not yet made the connection between dads and sports.
Father’s Day weekend ushers in another U.S. Open golf championship. What better gift than to send old Dad to a U.S. Open?
OK, maybe that’s going a bit far, but what about giving dad a full afternoon in his favorite recliner for uninterrupted U.S. Open coverage?
I’m sure there’s a new fishing gadget that would catch his eye. I hear Titlelist has a nifty new driver on the market. Or you can book a tee time for just you and Dad. What better way to say, “I love you and thanks for everything”?
Under the heading of everything comes just about everything dads do for their kids — namely sacrifice our own wants and desires for the entire wants and desires of our children. Dads do it lovingly, without regret and with no expectation of payback in any form.
Well, that may not be totally true. Dads do expect their kids to listen, learn and be able to recite our nuggets of advice and stories verbatim. That should be easy for kids who grew up at the ballpark, or on the football field, golf course or at fishing camps.
I can’t be the only father out there who uses old sports stories, experiences or analogies to teach life’s vital lessons. I have them ready made, stored in the memory banks and outlined here for easy poaching.
Football is about the importance of team work and doing your job to the best of your ability.
Baseball is about preparation and excelling at the fundamentals.
Basketball stresses that it’s always better for the greater good to focus on making your teammates better and a part of the game instead of worrying about individual stats and glory.
Golf teaches character, honesty, etiquette and respect for the game.
Fishing is about learning from others who do it better, and, of course, patience.
Tennis can teach anyone perseverance and the overcoming of adversity.
Boxing and martial arts go hand and hand — OK, I meant that pun — with the need for strategy, an understanding of why your tactics may not have worked and congratulating your opponent if his did.
I could go on and on, but you get the picture.
The need for dads to be an everyday influence in children’s lives is more paramount than ever. We’re all living chaotic, overloaded lives — being pulled in far too many opposite directions. Sons and daughters are sometimes left alone at the mercy of video games, the internet, TV, Facebook, Twitter, texting or just the entire world of social media.
That’s a scary thought in this day and age when parents don’t feel uncomfortable when their kids spend a few hours at the local mall. I cringe after a few minutes over what I hear and see during my infrequent mall visits home and away.
We’ve all heard the alarming statistics of the high number of single parent households and the equally alarming number of kids being raised without fathers in their lives at all.
I heard a startling statistic recently: one of every 10 Americans are incarcerated. One in every 10 people 18 years or older is behind bars in this country.
I would venture to say — with no scientific research to back it up, mind you — that those prison statistics rose dramatically over the past 30 years as more and more kids came from broken homes with no dad in family photos.
If you’ve read my columns in the past, or listened to me on TV or radio, you know how much credit and high praise and respect I give to coaches, especially at the Little League, junior high, high school and college level.
In many cases, these coaches, men and women alike, fill the void of missing moms and dads in children’s lives. They’re not only teaching on the field or court, but also mentoring kids from difficult home situations. They’re teaching youths about how to be better people when they walk away from the ball park.
I was one of the many lucky ones from our baby boomer generation. My dad was old school, which meant he worked a lot and wasn’t always around. But when he was, he taught me and my siblings about the work ethic, doing our best, showing respect and doing what’s right.
He was a professor of sorts on life’s critical character lessons. He didn’t teach me how to throw a football, shoot hoops or play pitch and catch. That wasn’t part of my dad’s skill set. He did school me on fishing, some hunting — and not enough about fixing cars.
He didn’t make it to many of my high school basketball games, but he was there for the important stuff. We can’t all have an Archie Manning or Earl Woods as dads.
Think about the impact Archie has had on Peyton, Eli and Cooper, on the football field and off. Three Super Bowl titles between Peyton and Eli. A successful business career for Cooper. They’re all happily married young men with no blemishes on their lives or resumes.
Don’t underestimate the impact and influence of their mother Olivia, to whom Archie readily gives all the credit.
I read an interesting insight from an anonymous friend of Tiger Woods, who pointed to the death of Earl as the point when things began going awry for his prodigy son.
There was no doubt of the intense love and respect Tiger had for his Dad and vice versa. We can only imagine what would have happened if Earl had lived on — how he would have kept Tiger on the right track on and off the golf course. The affairs, failed marriage, injuries and numerous swing changes might have been avoided. And Jack Nicklaus’ record for 18 major championships might be sitting in second place behind Tiger.
Just maybe.
You don’t have to be famous or have a recognizable last name to make an impact as a father. You don’t have to have All American-type talents as an athlete, or a net worth in the same league as Gates, Buffet or Paul Allen, to be the dad we all strive to be.
Teach what we know. Guide by experience. Help them know and love God. And don’t be afraid to let your kids learn from others. But always have your children come back to you for final affirmation.
I’ve thought of my father often over the nearly 10 years since his death. I wish we had had more time to fish or go to a Saints game; time for him to know his grandsons. It’s one of life’s lessons we should all heed. Fathers aren’t with us forever. In fact, our time together is way too short.
Enjoy and cherish your dads every day. Never take them for granted, as they may be taken from you before you know it.
Remember, dads don’t mind playing second fiddle to mom even in June. But take my advice and leave the tie on the rack.
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