Dear Santa,<\/b><\/p>\n
Can you bring me a new name for Christmas?\u00a0 <\/span>My mom stuk me with one of theese stupid made up names and I hate it.\u00a0 <\/span>I can\u2019t even spel it.\u00a0 <\/span>I just want to be a short word person.\u00a0 <\/span>I can stil be me even if its an old name.<\/b><\/p>\n I-phil\u2019ya (It may have mor letters) from New Orleans<\/b><\/p>\n Dear I Feel You,<\/p>\n I hated my name too.\u00a0 <\/span>Ever heard of a \u201cSanta\u201d, except for me?\u00a0 <\/span>I thought my momma must have been on dope.\u00a0 <\/span>It all comes down to what you do, and how you do it.\u00a0 <\/span>If I had been bad, then Santa would be a bad word.\u00a0 <\/span>Be a good person, and then your name will stand for that.<\/p>\n Dere Santa,<\/b><\/p>\n Plese make me grow up.\u00a0 <\/span>I am tired of being a litle kid. \u00a0<\/span><\/b><\/p>\n I won\u2019t me mad if you still give me toys two.<\/b><\/p>\n Love, J from Lake Chuck<\/b><\/p>\n Dear J,<\/p>\n I am going to give you the gift of No.\u00a0 <\/span>Be your age, stay your age, do it one day at a time.\u00a0 <\/span>20,000 days from now you\u2019ll appreciate not missing a single one of these youngster days. \u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n Dear Santa,<\/b><\/p>\n What is Nick Saban getting for Christmas?<\/b><\/p>\n Geaux Tiguhs!<\/b><\/p>\n O, from Baton Rouge<\/b><\/p>\n Dear (coach?) O,<\/p>\n Coach Saban is getting a year\u2019s supply of humble pie.\u00a0 <\/span>Don\u2019t be too happy though.\u00a0 <\/span>To be excellent once is rare.\u00a0 <\/span>To sustain it, year after year, is almost superhuman.\u00a0 <\/span>Someone with his personality, he\u2019ll digest it as motivation. \u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n Dear Santa,<\/b><\/p>\n None of us really need anything.\u00a0 <\/span>I feel very bah-humbug.\u00a0 <\/span>What should I do?<\/b><\/p>\n Abbe from Sulphur<\/b><\/p>\n Dear Abbe,<\/p>\n Be thankful.\u00a0 <\/span>Of the hundred billion that ever lived, of the seven billion alive right now, not many would write Santa the same letter. \u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n The last thing you need is more.\u00a0 <\/span>Thought about giving?<\/p>\n Dear Santa,<\/b><\/p>\n I was thinking of getting the president a Christmas gift.\u00a0 <\/span>Any suggestions?<\/b><\/p>\n B.C. from Moss Bluff<\/b><\/p>\n Dear B.C.,<\/p>\n Give him a Jerry Jones mirror.\u00a0 <\/span>Tell him to pay attention to Mr. Jones, the owner of the Dallas Cowboys.\u00a0 <\/span>Jerry talks too much.\u00a0 <\/span>The same favorite words, the same delivery, the same expressions, same gestures. It\u2019s different, at first, but it doesn\u2019t wear well. \u00a0 \u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n If you don\u2019t like the Cowboys, it\u2019s because of the owner.\u00a0 <\/span>If you do like the Cowboys, it\u2019s despite the owner. \u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n Dear Santa,<\/b><\/p>\n Despite all that jolly ho-ho-ho stuff, I secretly suspect you\u2019re an introvert.<\/b><\/p>\n Cowboy Andy<\/b><\/p>\n Dear Andy,\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n Yes, I am an introvert.\u00a0 <\/span>I\u2019d have been a terrible mailman.\u00a0 <\/span>With this Santa gig, I get 364 days to work myself up for the big public moment.\u00a0 <\/span>And even then, look how I play it, sneaking in at night. \u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n The elves don\u2019t need any supervision, and if they do, they go to Mrs. Claus.\u00a0 <\/span>She kinda runs the place.\u00a0 <\/span>Many days, you\u2019ll find me out by the snow pasture.\u00a0 <\/span>I enjoy watching the reindeer graze.\u00a0 <\/span>It\u2019s peaceful.<\/p>\n (Please pass my regards along to Tom Hanks.\u00a0 <\/span>Tell him I enjoyed his Mr. Rogers role.)<\/p>\n Dear Santa,<\/b><\/p>\n Do you stay at the North Pole all year, or do you go beyond?<\/b><\/p>\n Buzz Lightyear<\/b><\/p>\n Dear Buzz,\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n The North Pole has every shade of white you\u2019ll ever want to see.\u00a0 <\/span>To get other colors, we travel.\u00a0 <\/span>We\u2019ve done all the cruises.\u00a0 <\/span>Except Alaska.\u00a0 <\/span>We came through Louisiana a while back.\u00a0 <\/span>Hit all those little mom \u2018n pop cajun food joints.\u00a0 <\/span>I like those boudin balls.<\/p>\n Dear Santa,<\/b><\/p>\n All I want for Christmas is for LSU to win the national championship. \u00a0<\/span><\/b><\/p>\n Also, I really don\u2019t want to be drafted by Miami or Cincinnati.<\/b><\/p>\n Joe B. from Ohio (and Baton Rouge)<\/b><\/p>\n Dear Joe,<\/p>\n I see here, that you\u2019ve had a very nice year.\u00a0 <\/span>Whatever you\u2019ve been doing, keep doing it.<\/p>\n I see your draft predicament.\u00a0 <\/span>Going to a dud team might end up doing you some good.\u00a0 <\/span>If things are too easy, you\u2019ll never know what you\u2019re capable of.<\/p>\n On the other hand, you\u2019d be a fine fit in New England.\u00a0 <\/span>The candles on Tom Brady\u2019s birthday cakes are starting to put off quite the flame.<\/p>\n Dear Santa,<\/b><\/p>\n When should I tell my kids the truth about you?<\/b><\/p>\n Liz from DeRidder<\/b><\/p>\n Dear Liz,<\/p>\n The age of innocence gets shorter and shorter.\u00a0 <\/span>Don\u2019t hurry it even a day.<\/p>\n Dear Santa,\u00a0<\/span><\/b><\/p>\n Do you use Amazon? \u00a0<\/span><\/b><\/p>\n Jeff B.<\/b><\/p>\n Dear Jeff,<\/p>\n The reindeer are getting older.\u00a0 <\/span>Prancer and Dancer have replacement hips.\u00a0 <\/span>Comet was stove up with gout two years ago.\u00a0 <\/span>The sleigh gets a little top heavy, and every year that first takeoff gets more adventuresome.\u00a0 <\/span>Couple years back, we nearly clipped the top of a billboard lawyer sign.<\/p>\n We\u2019ve begun to use \u201cother means\u201d of getting things where they need to get.\u00a0 <\/span>I still come down the chimney.\u00a0 <\/span>If they left milk and cookies, I\u2019ll leave a few AA batteries in case they forgot.<\/p>\n Coincidentally, there\u2019s a guy named Jeff who owns Amazon\u2026\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n This edition of Uncle P\u2019s Bedtime Stories is written in hopes that you have a gentle Christmas.\u00a0 <\/span>You can find many more Bedtime Stories on the Eighty-one Facebook page.\u00a0 <\/span>Uncle P can be reached at eightyoneantiques@gmail.com.<\/i><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Dear Santa, Can you bring me a new name for Christmas?\u00a0 My mom stuk me with one of theese stupid made up names and I hate it.\u00a0 I can\u2019t even spel it.\u00a0 I just want to be a short word person.\u00a0 I can stil be me even if its an old name. I-phil\u2019ya (It may [&hellip<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":15,"featured_media":279,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[58],"tags":[59,894],"yoast_head":"\n