{"id":8034,"date":"2018-09-21T17:00:34","date_gmt":"2018-09-21T22:00:34","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/bestofswla.com\/?p=8034"},"modified":"2018-09-21T15:34:20","modified_gmt":"2018-09-21T20:34:20","slug":"hot-n-nasty","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/bestofswla.com\/2018\/09\/21\/hot-n-nasty\/","title":{"rendered":"Hot \u2018N\u2019 Nasty"},"content":{"rendered":"

When the big blast of August heat hit us, the Louisiana police blotter just plain went off the hook. It was so far-out, I can only give you the greatest hits.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Beat \u2018Em Where You Find \u2018Em<\/strong><\/p>\n

In Baker, La., there sits the aptly named Baker High School. At 7 am on Aug. 14, a 17-year-old male student whose name we don\u2019t know \u2014 I\u2019ll call him Anono \u2014 was sitting at his desk. And who should appear in the classroom but a 19-year-old female, Bri\u2019antai Morgan, who was dead set on giving Anono a beating he wouldn\u2019t forget. \u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

A group of school staff tried to stop Morgan, and merely got caught up in her aggression as she kept struggling to reach her intended target. A school resource officer (whatever that is) next waded into the tangle and managed to handcuff Morgan. And that, as they say, was that. Morgan was booked on a disturbing the peace beef.<\/p>\n

This is the sort of thing you\u2019d think you\u2019d only see in a movie or read in a true crime book. I can imagine two teenagers sitting around, smoking and talking, at 6:45 am.<\/p>\n

Morgan: OMG! I just want to beat up Anono so bad! But I can\u2019t ever find him!<\/p>\n

Sly Bo: Well, hell. We know he\u2019s in school right now.<\/p>\n

Morgan: Damn it! I didn\u2019t think of that. Let\u2019s go.<\/p>\n

Because of this raucous incident, the beginning of class was delayed. So the students had the dual pleasure of watching hapless school staff trying to stop a fight and got out of class time while doing it. Maybe there are some good times in high school.<\/p>\n

The Potty Mouth Criminal<\/strong><\/p>\n

The Baton Rouge DA is looking into a confrontation between East Baton Rouge Parish School Board member Connie Bernard and some young people who were having a party in a south Baton Rouge home.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Sheriff\u2019s deputies responding to the home issued a misdemeanor summons to Bernard, accusing her of entering and remaining after being forbidden to enter or remain. That sounds a little like trespassing to me. But I advise you that I\u2019m not a lawyer.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

According to the Baton Rouge Daily Advocate, Bernard\u2019s angry speech to the offending youths in the house \u201cincluded a string of eight F-bombs in one 22-second stretch.\u201d Damn, son! I\u2019m sure Eddie Murphy never managed that. Joe Pesci might, maybe, have equaled that in some Martin Scorsese movie. But I have my doubts as to whether even Pesci and Scorsese ever managed to drop eight in 22 seconds. (It\u2019s a little hard to be sure. In the desert conversation in Casino, Joe Pesci and Robert DeNiro drop a total of 21 F-bombs. But that scene lasts a total of 2 minutes, 21 seconds. What is it in Bernard\u2019s DNA that enables her to curse as fast as Joe Pesci?)\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Louisiana politicians just cannot grasp the basic concept that people carry cellphones and use them to tape stuff. One partygoer taped Bernard \u201cgrasping one young man at the base of his neck.\u201d Deputies apparently didn\u2019t give her any citation for that act.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

On the tape, viewers can hear Bernard saying, \u201cI didn\u2019t touch anybody, you f****** bastard.\u201d\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Bernard had barely stopped cussing before she started back-tracking. When the deputies arrived on the scene, she told them she went to the home, which is down the street from her own home, after she heard some loud noises. She said she knocked on the door before she went in and that she knows the owners of the home, whom she called \u201cclose personal friends.\u201d<\/p>\n

That\u2019s a little weird. I\u2019ve never called anybody a \u201cclose personal friend\u201d after I cussed him out. Oh, wait a second. I\u2019ve never cussed anybody out.<\/p>\n

Apparently, she also went inside the residence \u201cto investigate and take pictures.\u201d Say what? Does the EBR pay so little that Bernard has to take up FBI work to pay the bills?<\/p>\n

Bernard \u201capologized to a degree,\u201d said The Advocate. The written apology she released to the press stated, \u201cspecifically, I would like to apologize for my language heard in that incident.\u201d She went on to say, \u201cI hope everyone understands that I am not able to comment any further on this incident.\u201d Well, for what it\u2019s worth, I don\u2019t understand it. But Bernard will never know and I will never care.<\/p>\n

Being a politician, she had the nerve to \u201cask for your prayers and support\u201d in her \u201capology.\u201d Well, that\u2019s awfully petty. But hey, Little Miss Sunshine, I\u2019d sign up for those anger management lessons before I got to the praying \u2014 if you do get to it. Time\u2019s a wastin\u2019 on the anger front, sugar bear.<\/p>\n

Bernard went on to state, \u201cI will continue to work to maintain your trust and respect.\u201d She\u2019s got her work cut out for her.<\/p>\n

Of course, Bernard has no intention of resigning. Why would she? She just ran for reelection without opposition. Besides, she wouldn\u2019t be the sort of person who would run for school board if she\u2019d let herself be broken because she broke out in a vulgar tirade over a trivial matter.<\/p>\n

Some constituents want Bernard gone. But … \u201cI am not aware of any provision of law that allows a school board to unilaterally remove a colleague,\u201d said Domoine Rutledge, general counsel for the La. school system. Louisiana law stipulates that even if a politician is convicted of a felony, that politician can remain in office until all his or her appeals are over. Even after the last appeal, the politician can still stay in office until the DA comes to his office and removes him. Nobody with virgin ears should try to remove Bernard.<\/p>\n

Best Bar Name Ever<\/strong><\/p>\n

I\u2019m sure that back in my wandering days, I went to some taverns with some pretty great names. Unfortunately, I can no longer remember those names.<\/p>\n

Still, I sincerely wonder whether I ever encountered a name as top-notch as the Lake Area\u2019s new Granger\u2019s Gator Hog Saloon. I can only wish that I was creative enough to think of that compelling a name for a watering hole in my imaginary SE Texas town of Wagon Rut.<\/p>\n

I couldn\u2019t have been more pleased that I had no idea what a Gator Hog is. When I saw the saloon\u2019s logo, I realized the mythical creature really was a combination of a gator and a wild hog.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

The likes of Steve Riley and Jamie Bergeron have played at this place. And one satisfied customer posted on Facebook that he and his wife had spent a happy night listening to honky tonk music there.<\/p>\n

I don\u2019t have a clear idea of where the place is, but I can tell from the map on the Facebook page that it\u2019s a couple blocks east of Old Highway 171 North and about the same distance north of Fitzenreiter Road. Yelp gives the address as 2636 Highway 3059 Old Town Road and lets you link with Google maps. The place has three Yelp reviews so far; all are five-star. Strong points cited are the friendliness of the staff and the smoke-free atmosphere. There\u2019s a covered deck outside for smokers.<\/p>\n

Yet More Aging Minstrels<\/strong><\/p>\n

If you\u2019re not getting to watch enough old guys who had hits 30 or 40 years ago in Lake Charles, you can always head out to the Gretna Fest to see Foreigner, the Village People and Tone Loc on Sept. 28-30.<\/p>\n

I know without even looking it up that several of the original members of these acts are long since dead. So, as is usually the case with this sort of entertainment, it\u2019s a matter of \u201cbuyer beware.\u201d Make sure that the act that you\u2019re actually going to hear is the act you actually want to hear.<\/p>\n

On the up side, the Village People are bound to put on a pretty entertaining show. And Tone Loc may wind up putting on a pretty dramatic one. Tone Loc, who has not charted since 1991, has collapsed on stage at least six times since 2008, most likely because of a tendency to seizures. It is said he wears his dark sunglasses to reduce the chances of having one.<\/p>\n

What Is It With Summer In Louisiana?<\/strong><\/p>\n

On Aug. 14, Dave Nussbaum, a meteorologist for WWL-TV in New Orleans, posted this Tweet: \u201cUGH! More oppressive heat today with high temps in the mid 90s and the heat index around 105+. Where is Fall??\u201d What kind of Louisiana meteorologist asks where Fall is on Aug. 14? I don\u2019t think I asked anybody anything when I used to shovel snow in Illinois in the middle of February. But if I had asked a question, it definitely would not have been \u201cWhere is Summer?\u201d<\/p>\n

The Lowdown On Dog Dating<\/strong><\/p>\n

I really misunderstood this recent headline in Silicon Bay News (a coastal Louisiana business blog): \u201cNEW ORLEANS DOG DATING APP STARTUP DIG SELECTED FOR PURINA SHOWCASE.\u201d<\/p>\n

Questions popped into my head immediately. \u201cDo dogs date?\u201d \u201cHow do dogs date?\u201d \u201cCan people help dogs date?\u201d\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

I was at a loss. I\u2019ve spent many years around dogs. But I wasn\u2019t able to remember ever seeing any dogs dating. (I did once see a dog try to do something that my father called \u201cromance.\u201d It didn\u2019t look like romance to me.)<\/p>\n

I was sure embarrassed when I started reading the article, which was about \u201cNew Orleans-based Dig, a mobile dating app for dog lovers.\u201d Oh … I get it. These people want the dog lovers to date each other.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

I learned that his new app is so sensational that it\u2019s being considered for Purina\u2019s Pet Care Innovation Prize. (Why does the Purina Corp. care whether dog owners date each other? You don\u2019t need to answer.)<\/p>\n

\u201cWe\u2019re proud to be recognized as an emerging player in this exciting market,\u201d said Dig CEO Leigh Isaacson. So, dating dog lovers don\u2019t just make up a market; they make up an exciting market. But I guess that\u2019s not all that surprising, since, according to Isaacson, since Dig was introduced in Chicago and Boston, \u201cthe dog and singles communities in both cities have been incredibly enthusiastic and welcoming.\u201d Can everybody feel the excitement and enthusiasm and welcoming and incredibility in the air? I used to read the outrageously raunchy personals section in Chicago\u2019s Reader. But I never read anything in it about owning a dog.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

I would never make an entrepreneur. I\u2019d always be thinking, \u201cNobody could ever make money with an idea this loopy.\u201d If I had the money, though, I would go so far as to make a T-shirt that bore the slogan I HAVE A DOG. DATE ME. But probably somebody\u2019s already done that.<\/p>\n

Yet People Always Talk About\u00a0The Weather<\/strong><\/p>\n

Recently noted: \u201cThe Advocate\u2019s Steve Hardy, David Mitchell and Caroline Grueskin report that subdivisions are still being built in flood-prone areas, with little or no disregard for the potential consequences.\u201d\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cLittle or no disregard.\u201d I\u2019m not going to interpret that phrase as meaning that the real estate investors have a high regard for the risks of flooding. I\u2019m going to interpret the phrase as meaning the investors still believe in the old adage \u201cNever give a sucker an even break.\u201d They have little or no regard for the sucker.<\/p>\n

I\u2019m A Little Afraid Of The Unknown<\/strong><\/p>\n

An ad for the Bespoke Post Co. on Pinterest features a blurb about the company from My Subscription Addiction, which called Bespoke, \u201cThe best men\u2019s lifestyle box.\u201d Ah ha! So there\u2019s more than one men\u2019s lifestyle box. Question. What\u2019s a men\u2019s lifestyle box?<\/p>\n

Nope<\/strong><\/p>\n

\u201cEver wondered how and why to use Tweet threads?\u201d \u2014 Tweet from Twitter Business, Aug. 9.<\/p>\n

The News<\/strong><\/p>\n

Underwater photos that will take your breath away.<\/p>\n

\u2014 No. 7 headline on MSN News, Aug. 15.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

When the big blast of August heat hit us, the Louisiana police blotter just plain went off the hook. It was so far-out, I can only give you the greatest hits.\u00a0 Beat \u2018Em Where You Find \u2018Em In Baker, La., there sits the aptly named Baker High School. 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