In the paragraphs of Up Front, I\u2019ve often praised the intellectual rigor of Attorney General Jeff Landry. But my praise never before soared to the heights it did on April 27, when Landry demonstrated that he had the creativity, sense of experimentation and \u2014 let\u2019s face it \u2014 just plain guts that it takes to change both the spelling and pronunciation of everyday words.<\/p>\n
The word Landry worked his linguistic magic on was \u201cfascism.\u201d Now, you and I have always pronounced that word \u201cFASH-ism.\u201d But why should we, really? Why should we go along in the same old humdrum way, pronouncing every word that comes down the pike in the same old common way that every common person does?<\/p>\n
And as for spelling … well, spelling\u2019s just bunches of letters strung together in a particular order. If they can be strung together in one order, they can be strung together in a different order. And where is it written that we always have to use the same letters for the same words?<\/p>\n
But enough of this falderal. Let\u2019s see exactly how Landry employed his radical verbal experimentation when he was addressing executives from Citigroup and Bank of America at a State Bond Commission hearing. Here are key selections from his speech:<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019d like both of the CEOs to answer to me why the British went to Lexington and Concord \u2026 They were going there because that\u2019s where the arms and ammunition was \u2026 I\u2019d also like them to define why this isn\u2019t fassism at its best. Because fassism is when you take the [word unclear: initiatives? industries?] of a country and you turn it into oppressive policies.\u201d<\/p>\n
Sometimes it helps to unpack statements of this type. I think this is one of those times.<\/p>\n
Would you really want to ask people to \u201cdefine why this isn\u2019t fassism at its best\u201d? I\u2019d think you\u2019d probably want them to \u201cdescribe\u201d rather than \u201cdefine.\u201d And if fascism \u2014 I mean, of course, fassism \u2014 is a bad thing, wouldn\u2019t you want to say \u201cfassism at its worst\u201d? I\u2019m just sayin\u2019 …<\/p>\n
One could make an argument that it\u2019s OK to use the verb \u201cwas\u201d with the subject \u201carms and ammunition.\u201d Even though there are more than two things controlling the verb, the thing that\u2019s closest is singular. So, we\u2019ll give Landry a pass on that.<\/p>\n
I\u2019m afraid we can\u2019t be quite so generous with his choice of pronoun in the clause \u201cyou turn it.\u201d The object of the sentence (whatever it was) appears to be plural. I\u2019m afraid the pronoun is going to have to be \u201cthem.\u201d Sorry, Jeff.<\/p>\n
I\u2019m not going to lie. Landry\u2019s definition of fascism is certainly an interesting one. Even a fascinating one. But, no offense Jeff, I\u2019m going to have to go with the definition of fascism that Benito Mussolini put forward a century ago: \u201cFascism is the merger of state and corporate power.\u201d Jeff, we gotta face facts here … when it comes to fascism, Benito should know.<\/p>\n
To see Landry\u2019s entire speech, go to YouTube; type in \u201cAG Jeff Landry\u201d; and look down the list of titles until you see \u201cIt\u2019s \u2018fassism\u2019 if banks oppose arming teenagers.\u201d<\/p>\n
They Voted For This<\/strong><\/p>\n In the U.S., the legislatures of 15 states have passed bills that make it virtually impossible for payday loan businesses to operate in their states. A few years ago, I thought the Louisiana Legislature was moving in that direction.<\/p>\n Well, if it was moving that way, it\u2019s now doing everything in its power to do a full 180. The Louisiana Senate just passed Senate Bill 365: a grotesque act that would enable payday loan and car titles lenders to issue \u201cinstallment loans.\u201d By means of these installment loans, people who use the businesses could wind up being charged an annual rate of interest as high as 167 percent. That is more than six times as much interest as any credit card in the United States is allowed to charge.<\/p>\n The Louisiana Budget Project reports that in the worst case scenario, the annual percentage rate for a Louisiana citizen who takes out a payday loan in our state could be as high as 780 percent.<\/p>\n Now, keep in mind, our Louisiana senators didn\u2019t vote against this. They voted for it. That\u2019s right. For it. I\u2019m using all this repetition because I think some of you may find it hard to believe.<\/p>\n Why do we allow these people to serve? Why do we allow them to be paid with our tax money? Why do we take time and trouble to go somewhere and cast a vote for them? Why are we making any effort at all on behalf of politicians who nonchalantly sign off on a 167-percent interest rate for Louisiana citizens when they know perfectly well that loansharking is illegal throughout the United States? Why am I writing out such a long list of questions?<\/p>\n For what it\u2019s worth, our state senator, Ronnie Johns, voted yes on the bill. The bill eventually died in a state House committee.<\/p>\n Throwing Education Under The Bus, Car, Truck<\/strong><\/p>\n In his book Following the Equator, Mark Twain wrote: \u201cIn the first place, God made idiots. This was for practice. Then he made School Boards.\u201d<\/p>\n My whole life, I\u2019ve asked, Why are politicians allowed to vote on matters of education? I\u2019ve also asked, What group could possibly know less about education than politicians? I\u2019ve never had an answer, good or bad, to either question. But that\u2019s OK. By this point, I\u2019ve pretty much gotten used to not getting answers to my questions.<\/p>\n Anyhoo, turns out Baton Rouge has a traffic problem. We can understand that. We have a traffic problem.<\/p>\n Some Louisiana lawmakers thought they\u2019d come up with a solution to the B.R. traffic problem that was just dandy. Let\u2019s let The Advocate\u2019s Elizabeth Crisp describe it:<\/p>\n \u201cLawmakers are suggesting a study that would consider, among other options, whether LSU should be banned from having classes before 10 am to cut congestion.\u201d<\/p>\n As my late father used to say, \u201cBrilliant! Brilliant!\u201d Let\u2019s just ask Louisiana State University to cancel or change the time of half of its classes and the hours of most of its professors. While we\u2019re at it, why not ask the university to change all its textbooks? That would give the school some practice in doing impossible tasks that radically alter the fundamental nature of education at the institution. I mean, why not? It\u2019s only the flagship university of Louisiana. That shouldn\u2019t matter much to a Legislature that\u2019s been putting its universities through the equivalent of a financial shredder for a decade.<\/p>\n All during graduate school, I made a good living by getting up at 6 am so that I could be in the classroom ready to teach at 8 am every day. But how gladly I would have given all that up if I\u2019d known that by so doing, I\u2019d enable someone to get to work 30 seconds faster.<\/p>\n Neutral Ground<\/strong><\/p>\n As of April 23, there were two Lazy Boys, a chair and a rug sitting grouped together in the parking lot of the State Capitol. Harrison Golden, anchor at Baton Rouge\u2019s Fox 44, posted photos of the items on Twitter. In all probability, somebody\u2019s gotten them by now. But you never know. If you\u2019ve been yearning for one (or more) of these items, take a drive. The parking lot is nice and empty on Sundays.<\/p>\n That\u2019s $45 Per Director<\/strong><\/p>\n If you\u2019re on Gmail, I\u2019m sure you notice those two banner ads that always run at the top of your inbox page. Sometimes I kill them; usually I just ignore them.<\/p>\n But the other day, one of them caught my eye; I saw language about David Mamet teaching a course in scriptwriting. For the first time ever, I clicked on one of the ads.<\/p>\n That\u2019s how I found out about Master Classes. Yes, David Mamet will indeed teach me or anyone else about scriptwriting (by video, of course). He\u2019ll teach me for 26 lessons if I like.<\/p>\n Anyone who wants to learn about directing films can take courses from Werner Herzog, Spike Lee, Ron Howard or Martin Scorcese. Want to know about comedy? Steve Martin or Judd Apatow will teach you.<\/p>\n Other topics and teachers that interested me were: investigative journalism: Bob Woodward; DJing: Armin Van Buuren and acting: Helen Mirren. And there are plenty of courses from masters in topics that don\u2019t interest me, such as cooking and fashion designing.<\/p>\n If you want to take just one course, the price is a reasonable $90. (That would be slightly more than $3 for each class with David Mamet.) The cost of an All-Access Pass is $180; that enables you to take as many courses as you want for a year. To check it out, visit masterclass.com.<\/p>\n The World\u2019s Shortest True Crime Book<\/strong><\/p>\n \u201cNew York man allegedly shot a man to death and hid the body. His girlfriend helped.\u201d That\u2019s the text of a KPLC headline that ran on May 2. KPLC just saved you a 300-page read.<\/p>\n How Human Kindness Is Done<\/strong><\/p>\n My favorite Jazz Fest story of 2018 came from Karen Swenson, a broadcast journalist at WWL-TV New Orleans. She must have been really excited about the fest, because when she parked and got out of her car to go to a stage, she left the car running. And it ran for three hours, until she returned to it.<\/p>\n Here\u2019s how Swenson told the rest of the story on Twitter: \u201cWell, guess what? After 3 hours at @jazzfest, i returned 2 my car to find the Pierre family (greatest lemonade stand ever) standing next to it. Turns out I left my CAR RUNNING. They stood by my car for 3 Hrs having no idea when I\u2019d come back. SO GRATEFUL!!!!\u201d<\/p>\n The Tweet came with a photo of the lemonade stand and a number of the Pierres, each wearing the huge yellow glasses that are associated with the stand. Hats off to the Pierres for showing how human kindness is done.<\/p>\n Trimming Down The Tumblr List<\/strong><\/p>\n Every May 4, anyone who posts the statement \u201cMay the Fourth be with you\u201d automatically gets unfollowed. No exceptions.<\/p>\n The News<\/strong><\/p>\n \u201cGov. Jon Bel Edwards has teamed up with LSU coach Ed Orgeron to promote Lemonade Day\u201d \u2014 headline in the Baton Rouge Advocate, May 4.<\/p>\n Forgetful Diners On Twitter<\/strong><\/p>\n \u201cForgot to photograph my cochon de lait PO\u2019boy before I ate most of it don\u2019t @ me.\u201d \u2014 Tweeted by Claire Byun, reporter for New Orleans\u2019 Mid-City Messenger on May 7.<\/p>\n I Wondered When This Would Start Happening<\/strong><\/p>\n \u201cBusinesses desperate to find workers are dropping marijuana from their drug tests\u201d \u2014 Associated Press Business News headline, May 2.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" In the paragraphs of Up Front, I\u2019ve often praised the intellectual rigor of Attorney General Jeff Landry. But my praise never before soared to the heights it did on April 27, when Landry demonstrated that he had the creativity, sense of experimentation and \u2014 let\u2019s face it \u2014 just plain guts that it takes to [&hellip<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":270,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[14],"tags":[38,37],"yoast_head":"\n