Dear Dr. Archer,<\/b><\/p>\n
I had a short relationship a few years ago. I was 26, and he was 20. We had different jobs and acquaintances, but our social status was pretty similar.<\/b><\/p>\n
Initially, he liked me. But he suddenly ended the relationship. He said he wanted his girlfriend with him every night when he went out. I, unfortunately, was working and living in another city, though from his hometown.\u00a0<\/b><\/p>\n
I offered to travel more often to meet him, and told him I didn\u2019t care about having a family for the next few years, until we were settled down more. I really tried to save the relationship, but he broke it off, anyway. To make things worse, even though I\u2019ve previously had boyfriends, he was my first sexual partner.<\/b><\/p>\n
I did everything in my power to be nice and sweet while we were together. I was nice to his friends, and I didn\u2019t look older than any of them. I tried to convince him to give us another try, but to no avail.\u00a0<\/b><\/p>\n
A few months later, I accidently discovered online that he was dating a girl two years his junior.\u00a0<\/b><\/p>\n
I don\u2019t know if he knew her before me. Maybe they were on a break when he met me.\u00a0<\/b><\/p>\n
I felt terrible, and my self-esteem has suffered because of this. This year, they got married, and the photos were posted all over Facebook.<\/b><\/p>\n
I asked colleagues and friends about her photographs. They said she is less beautiful than I. She\u2019s less educated than I \u2014 she has a minor degree, while I hold a master\u2019s and finished medical school. She comes from a poor rural background, so she\u2019s not rich. She works at the post office, and was only hired with his mother\u2019s help.\u00a0<\/b><\/p>\n
So my question is: Why did he choose her over me? It\u2019s like a girl refusing a Dior dress and choosing a cheap, latex trashy supermarket dress. I know this is an exaggerated comparison, but I just don\u2019t get it.<\/b><\/p>\n
Arwen<\/b><\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Dear Arwen,<\/p>\n
So, you can\u2019t believe this guy married a woman who\u2019s not as pretty as you, not as smart as you, and is socially inferior to you? Well, the fact that you are even asking this question pretty well sums it up.<\/p>\n
None of those things equals true love. These are all superficial features, and can\u2019t serve as the basis for a lasting or happy marriage. No way. Beauty fades with time, and finances can be ruined, no matter what your education level may be. Even a fine Dior dress will fall into rags with enough dry-cleaning and wear.<\/p>\n
You\u2019re comparing yourself to another woman to figure out why he chose someone else. You demonstrate how superficially you see all of this by comparing a designer dress to a lowly, supermarket dress. Who is to say which is better? Some guys will prefer the supermarket dress every time.<\/p>\n
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and it\u2019s more than skin deep. And who can say why one man will choose a certain woman? I promise you it\u2019s so much more than looks, education or money.<\/p>\n
I wonder if the very way you question all this is what turned him off in the first place? Are you conceited about your looks? Is your ego so exaggerated by a good education that you look down on someone with a \u201cminor degree?\u201d Do you feel that only a rich girl from the city can hold value? It sounds like it, and that means you have much to learn.<\/p>\n
You may have advantages over her in many areas, but he fell in love with and married her<\/i>. Perhaps it was due to her personality, perhaps her younger age \u2014 who knows? In reality, it doesn\u2019t matter, except<\/i> as a way to teach you a lesson.<\/p>\n
Love is not about your looks, where you were raised or how much money you have. It\u2019s really that simple. The most meaningful things in life cannot be bought, or sometimes even explained.<\/p>\n
Not everyone can wear a Dior dress, and to be honest, who cares? It\u2019s not the dress, but who\u2019s wearing the dress that counts. You\u2019re not truly wealthy until you have something money can\u2019t buy. As Kahlil Gibran said, \u201cBeauty is not in the face; beauty is a light in the heart.\u201d<\/p>\n
You are too superficial, and you\u2019re making the mistake of comparing yourself to another, which will never lead to happiness. Instead of proceeding with this silly comparison, focus on being a good person. Be true to who you are, and embrace your character \u2014 not the outward, materialistic aspects of your life.<\/p>\n
I worry about you and your success in dating. Good luck.<\/p>\n
Dr. Dale Archer is a board-certified psychiatrist who founded the Institute for Neuropsychiatry in Southwest Louisiana. He is a frequent guest on Fox News, CNN Headline News and other national TV programs, and is the author of The ADHD Advantage and the New York Times bestselling book Better than Normal. Visit him at DrDaleArcher.com.<\/i><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Dear Dr. Archer, I had a short relationship a few years ago. I was 26, and he was 20. We had different jobs and acquaintances, but our social status was pretty similar. Initially, he liked me. But he suddenly ended the relationship. He said he wanted his girlfriend with him every night when he went [&hellip<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":10,"featured_media":266,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[12],"tags":[35,34],"yoast_head":"\n