{"id":5077,"date":"2016-06-23T11:14:12","date_gmt":"2016-06-23T16:14:12","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/bestofswla.com\/?p=5077"},"modified":"2016-06-23T11:14:26","modified_gmt":"2016-06-23T16:14:26","slug":"get-rid-of-him","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/bestofswla.com\/2016\/06\/23\/get-rid-of-him\/","title":{"rendered":"Get Rid Of Him"},"content":{"rendered":"

Dear Dr. Archer, <\/strong><\/p>\n

I\u2019m a 21-year-old female. I dated a guy, and we eventually had sex. Although I truly liked him very much, I also had sex with someone else, and he broke up with me. I will forever regret what I did, because he is now happily married. <\/strong><\/p>\n

I started dating a guy, and he abuses and humiliates me for not being a virgin. He calls me terrible names, bites me and threatens to tell everyone I\u2019m a slut. All he wants is to have sex; all I want is to get away from him. Please help! <\/strong><\/p>\n

Anu <\/strong><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Dear Anu,<\/p>\n

Emotional abuse involves controlling the victim via snide comments, critical looks, sexual demands, making fun and name-calling. Physical abuse involves physical assault.<\/p>\n

Face it \u2014 you\u2019re in an abusive, destructive and toxic relationship.<\/p>\n

He threatens to tell everyone you\u2019re a slut? So what! Let him. Be done with him, as of now. Get rid of this guy by getting tough. First, go to the police and get a restraining order. The moment he breaks it, call the police. The longer you let this go, the longer you will remain in a toxic relationship, and the harder it will be to get out. Surround yourself with family and friends, and get your life back in order.<\/p>\n

Never, never remain in an abusive and toxic relationship hoping for change. This man is using your fear to allow him to abuse you. You stay with him, like you have no say in the matter, when in fact you actually do have a say. Get out!<\/p>\n

Quit playing the victim and get tough. Learn from your past mistakes, and create a new and better life. Slap a restraining order on this guy, and never allow yourself to be bullied by him or anyone else again. Good luck.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Dear Dr. Archer, <\/strong><\/p>\n

I have been dating a guy for almost six years. He has some deep-rooted issues that revolve around his mother, social skills, relationships, responsibility, love and work. I realize that\u2019s plenty, but I\u2019ve known him for almost 20 years, and I have learned so much more since we\u2019ve been dating. <\/strong><\/p>\n

He\u2019s 32, and I\u2019m 30. Throughout his life, he has been running away from his problems by shutting himself off from the world, and by not talking to people. I majored in psychology, and I refused to let him ignore his issues by pushing him to talk. Now, I\u2019m the only person whom he will open up to. <\/strong><\/p>\n

I know more about him than his family, which consists of his mom, dad and brother. However, I feel it would be better for him to speak with a therapist than with me. He grew up without rules, and he raised himself. His mom failed to nurture him or show him love, and so did his dad.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Now, as an adult, he has difficulty expressing himself, and his sense of humor is often dry and weird. I understand him and love him for who he is, but he expressed that he\u2019s \u201clike a turtle in a shell. I stick my head out when I feel like it, but most of the time I want everyone to leave me alone until I say.\u201d <\/strong><\/p>\n

Normally that would be fine, but he will stay in his shell for months at a time! He\u2019s a supervisor, but hates social situations, and hates being responsible for others. In his ideal world, he would stay in his room with the door closed and search the Internet or watch the history channel all day, every day. He says he wants me here because I get him. <\/strong><\/p>\n

This lifestyle has affected our life together, and I\u2019ve thought about leaving him; we\u2019ve talked about it, and in the end I always stay. <\/strong><\/p>\n

His lifestyle has even affected our sex life, because he\u2019d rather masturbate than have sex with me. We have sex, but he doesn\u2019t orgasm, because he\u2019s used to his hands. <\/strong><\/p>\n

He\u2019s also unsympathetic on all issues. Example: My lips swelled up because I\u2019m allergic to almost everything, and I took a Benadryl to help. I asked him to call me to wake me up, and he told me I was really annoying him with my being allergic to everything, and he wanted me to set my own alarm. <\/strong><\/p>\n

Another example was when I was bitten by a flying ant, and my entire body swelled up such that I ended up in the hospital. Two days ago, we were at my aunt\u2019s house, and when I went to get my purse it was filled with ants. I screamed, and asked him to help me. He refused, saying I was being dramatic and to just shut up and kill them. <\/strong><\/p>\n

I got my uncle to help me, while my boyfriend sat back and watched. Later, I reminded him I almost died from one ant bite, and he said, \u201cOh, yeah. I forgot.\u201d He then apologized, but I\u2019m not sure if he truly is sorry. What do I do? <\/strong><\/p>\n

Hurt <\/strong><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Dear Hurt,<\/p>\n

Why are you putting up with this? Perhaps because you\u2019ve been dating for six years and are just \u201cused to it?\u201d Or because you\u2019re the only one who \u201cgets him?\u201d Or maybe because you\u2019re the only one who will put up with this selfish, boorish behavior?<\/p>\n

Good, healthy relationships are happy and nurturing for both parties. Sure, there are bad times \u2014 life brings challenging circumstances. But the solid foundation sustains through the difficult periods. You do not have a foundation.<\/p>\n

Your boyfriend doesn\u2019t seem to genuinely care what happens to you \u2014 he forgot a near-death experience, for goodness sake \u2014 and it doesn\u2019t sound like things are going to change. You deserve so much more than what you\u2019re getting.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s time to sit down and have a talk, if you truly love him and want the relationship to work. Things must change, and change now. He must be willing to give you attention, and not close himself off behind a wall because he\u2019s too lazy to make an effort. He must take your feelings and health into daily consideration. He must be willing to share intimate moments. In other words, he should treat you the way you deserve to be treated.<\/p>\n

Keep in mind, you said he\u2019s unsympathetic, and he may not change. This is something you need to accept. But is this really worth saving? If he is fine the way things are, you need to step back and look at this relationship the way it is, not the way you want it to be. He must be willing to improve. Or you can either take it or leave it, but forget trying to change it.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s up to each of us to nurture relationships that enhance our well-being, and eliminate those that are not beneficial. Otherwise, we end up with a \u201csituation\u201d like you have here.<\/p>\n

It sounds like you\u2019ve been missing out on good times because you\u2019ve been so preoccupied and miserable with him. You\u2019re not responsible for him, only yourself. It\u2019s up to YOU to make your life the best it can be. Choose wisely. All the best.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Dr. Dale Archer is a board certified psychiatrist who founded the Institute for Neuropsychiatry in Southwest Louisiana. He is a frequent guest on Fox News, CNN Headline News, and other national TV programs, and is the author of The ADHD Advantage and the New York Times\u2019 bestselling book Better than Normal. Visit him at DrDaleArcher.com. <\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Dear Dr. Archer, I\u2019m a 21-year-old female. I dated a guy, and we eventually had sex. Although I truly liked him very much, I also had sex with someone else, and he broke up with me. I will forever regret what I did, because he is now happily married. 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