Dear Dr. Archer,\u00a0<\/b><\/p>\n
My husband, our two children (ages 11 and 6) and I moved to Canada in 2004. The life we left is totally different from the life we have today. We don\u2019t have family; have few friends; and have nothing to do aside from work and home activities.<\/b><\/p>\n
My husband started his substance use by smoking marijuana occasionally. He\u2019d roll and smoke twice a day, costing $20 a week. I didn\u2019t say anything, because he\u2019s a good father to the children.\u00a0<\/b><\/p>\n
Later, I began to notice if he didn\u2019t smoke on any day for whatever reason, he\u2019d have a different attitude, easily get upset, be ready to fight and become a miserable person.<\/b><\/p>\n
As a truck driver, my husband had to take a mandatory blood test. The results were positive, and he lost his job. Needless to say, he was upset and stopped smoking for a while. Eventually, he got a better job.\u00a0<\/b><\/p>\n
Now he\u2019s started smoking again. Every time I see him smoke, I get very angry. We argue, fight and shout, hurting each other\u2019s feelings.<\/b><\/p>\n
He never smokes in front of our children. But I told him all the smoking must stop. I told him not to push me to make him choose between me and the children and his smoking pot. He told me he can stop any time he wants and will smoke any time he wants.\u00a0<\/b><\/p>\n
I told him if he didn\u2019t quit, the children and I would leave or report him to children\u2019s services so he won\u2019t be able to get near them. He promised he would stop, and did for five days. Then he had four days off and began to smoke again.\u00a0<\/b><\/p>\n
I asked him why he started again, and he said he just got a small amount because he knew it would be a long weekend and we didn\u2019t have any plans. I told him that proved he was already addicted and couldn\u2019t stop. He got angry, saying he wasn\u2019t doing anything bad to the children or me. He also said he would stop when he was ready, and that I should be understanding and chill out.\u00a0<\/b><\/p>\n
I\u2019m confused. I don\u2019t know if I need to leave because he\u2019s not doing anything harmful to the children. I\u2019m tired of asking him to quit knowing he doesn\u2019t heed my requests. I want to do something to make him stop, but at the same time, I know it won\u2019t work.<\/b><\/p>\n
Maria<\/b><\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Dear Maria,<\/p>\n
Your husband\u2019s marijuana smoking is a serious issue that is threatening the marriage. He lost one job because of it, and he\u2019s going to lose another soon if he doesn\u2019t get help. A daily pot smoker can test positive for a month after he stops smoking, so there\u2019s no way he will continue to pass the random tests required by most trucking companies.<\/p>\n
It sounds as if the marriage is OK when marijuana isn\u2019t involved. Yet your husband doesn\u2019t think he has a problem.<\/p>\n
So, here\u2019s the compromise: Ask him to go six months without smoking any pot at all. If he can voluntarily stop using for that length of time, he is probably in control and doesn\u2019t have an addiction. At that point, agree on some rules about when he can and can\u2019t smoke (around the kids, relatives, etc.) and stop harping about it.<\/p>\n
But if he can\u2019t go six months, then he more than likely has an addiction. I bet he won\u2019t even try to go six months- saying, \u201cI can quit whenever I want.\u201d Red flag!<\/p>\n
Then, you have a decision to make, and it may be time for an ultimatum — either you or the weed. But only give the ultimatum if you plan to carry it through.<\/p>\n
As for the children, the longer this continues, the greater the chance they will learn that dad smokes. We think we can keep things from kids, but they see plenty, and they\u2019re smarter than we think. Children learn by example, and it would be hard to forbid teenagers to smoke pot while one is puffing on a joint.<\/p>\n
In the end, only you can decide how you want to live your life. If the smoking is simply too much, then tell him one more time that it\u2019s the pot or his family. But this time, don\u2019t make idle threats simply to get your way. It didn\u2019t work in the past, and it won\u2019t work again. If you give an ultimatum, you need to make sure you follow through. Good luck.<\/p>\n
Dr. Archer<\/p>\n
Dear Dr. Archer,<\/b><\/p>\n
My husband is addicted to heroin. He finally went to a doctor for help. He wanted a prescription for Suboxone to help him overcome his addiction. He was not given the prescription, but rather was told he could continue to use heroin! My question is, is this ethical?<\/b><\/p>\n
Angel<\/b><\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Dear Angel,<\/p>\n
The Hippocratic oath, recited by every physician before they become a doctor, contains the phrase \u201cFirst, do no harm.\u201d If this doctor actually told your husband to continue using heroin, then he should be reported to the state medical board \u2014 now. You can search your region online for other Suboxone prescribers to help your husband with his addiction.<\/p>\n
Suboxone works wonders; don\u2019t give up looking for help. Good luck.<\/p>\n
Dr. Archer<\/p>\n
Dr. Dale Archer is a board certified psychiatrist who founded the Institute for Neuropsychiatry in Southwest Louisiana. He is a frequent guest on Fox News, CNN Headline News and other national TV programs, and the author of The ADHD Advantage and the New York Times\u2019 bestselling book Better than Normal. Visit him at DrDaleArcher.com.<\/i><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Dear Dr. Archer,\u00a0 My husband, our two children (ages 11 and 6) and I moved to Canada in 2004. The life we left is totally different from the life we have today. We don\u2019t have family; have few friends; and have nothing to do aside from work and home activities. My husband started his substance [&hellip<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":10,"featured_media":266,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[12],"tags":[820,34],"yoast_head":"\n