{"id":3376,"date":"2015-08-06T08:00:18","date_gmt":"2015-08-06T13:00:18","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/bestofswla.com\/?p=3376"},"modified":"2015-09-02T10:32:12","modified_gmt":"2015-09-02T15:32:12","slug":"taking-charge-4","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/bestofswla.com\/2015\/08\/06\/taking-charge-4\/","title":{"rendered":"TAKING CHARGE"},"content":{"rendered":"

Night Talker<\/strong><\/p>\n

Dear Dr. Archer,<\/strong><\/p>\n

I\u2019m a 22 year old male working on getting my degree. My problem is that I talk in my sleep.\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

My roommates make fun of me for doing this, and it\u2019s terribly embarrassing. The next morning, I don\u2019t remember anything I said during the night. I want this problem to go away, but I don\u2019t know how.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Robert<\/strong><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Dear Robert,<\/p>\n

This is called somniloquy, and is quite common. It isn\u2019t considered a medical problem. It can range from one or two words to long speeches, and can involve whispering, shouting, or something in between. Sometimes, it\u2019s a conversation with another, other times the talker will ramble.<\/p>\n

This is considered harmless, though in some rare cases, it can be a sleep disorder. Usually those with sleep terrors or a REM sleep disorder shout out and awake very fearful. Other causes include medication, depression, alcohol, fever, or even eating a big meal before bedtime. Sometimes it runs in families. Stress can be a contributing factor.<\/p>\n

You can see a doctor specializing in sleep disorders, if you wish, but it doesn\u2019t sound like it\u2019s bad enough for that. You could find one in your area by going online.<\/p>\n

While some find the reason why they talk in their sleep, others learn to live with it. Perhaps the easiest thing would be to request a private room next semester. Your doctor can provide the medical reason to improve your chances of a room to yourself. Good luck!<\/p>\n

Dear Dr. Archer,<\/strong><\/p>\n

I am the youngest of three children and a survivor of sibling abuse, domestic violence, childhood molestation and date rape.\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

I was first molested as a child by a step grandfather, who is still a part of my life, but only because my dad has no idea what happened. I didn\u2019t, and still don\u2019t, want to break up my family. The abuse stopped when I was 5, and only because my sister told a family member.\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

My sister was always busy with gymnastics, and since both of my parents worked, my brother and I were home alone after school. When I was about 9, my brother\u2019s picking became bullying.\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

He would beat me daily, tie me up, and throw mom\u2019s big kitchen knives at my head. He\u2019d have his friends touch me in my privates. He would shoot me with his BB gun, and allow his friends to do the same. The verbal abuse was just as bad. He threatened that if I told I anyone, it would get worse the next day. He soon got into drugs.<\/strong><\/p>\n

At 16, I got pregnant, and at four months into my pregnancy, my boyfriend started beating me. I stayed in the relationship for four years, and I knew he\u2019d kill me, eventually. He called me names, and, in the end, he threw me out.\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

I blamed myself for everything that happened to me. I still have a hard time getting through the day without crying, and I\u2019ve had many thoughts of suicide. I\u2019ve never received any kind of counseling, but I do take an antidepressant daily. I feel like I will feel empty inside forever.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Kristen<\/strong><\/p>\n

Dear Kristen,<\/p>\n

First, and most importantly, if you feel you are going to harm yourself, you must go to your nearest hospital E.R.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s good that you\u2019re under a doctor\u2019s care. But, most important now is to get going in counseling, as well. You\u2019ve had plenty of trauma and abuse, and the self-blame must come to an end. Ask your doctor to recommend a therapist who specializes in childhood sexual and physical abuse. There is hope to recover from your past. I urge you to remember the words of Helen Keller: \u201cAll the world is full of suffering. It is also full of overcoming.\u201d<\/p>\n

The last thing you want to do is hide your pain, and simply pop pills in order to hopefully feel better. It\u2019s not helping now, and it won\u2019t help you later. You\u2019re hurting badly, and you need the guidance of a trained therapist. Face your issues, and deal with them, so you can start turning your life around.<\/p>\n

Quit keeping all of these secrets to yourself and start healing. I wish you nothing but the best.<\/p>\n

Dear Dr. Archer,<\/p>\n

I very much love my wife, but I\u2019m in love with a co-worker, too. I\u2019m fighting these feelings for my co-worker as hard as possible.\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

I thought time would reduce how I feel about her, but it\u2019s just not happening. I try not to think about it, but it\u2019s always there; something always brings it back. I think my \u201cJane\u201d knows what she\u2019s doing, too, because when I do something to distance myself, she does something to bring me back \u2014 like a text, email or personal contact.<\/strong><\/p>\n

It\u2019s so subliminal, almost like a game. I want to get out of the game without confessing my feelings and without hurting anyone. How can I achieve that without changing my job?<\/strong><\/p>\n

Sam<\/strong><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Dear Sam,<\/p>\n

This happens more than you think, and I must say you\u2019re playing with fire \u2014 and eventually, you\u2019re going to get burned. Focus, and quit entertaining thoughts of this other woman. If you don\u2019t, you risk devastating your wife and losing your family. By allowing this to continue \u2014 and you are allowing it \u2014 you risk losing it all.<\/p>\n

Perhaps this feeds your self-esteem, and that allows it to continue. If your co-worker actively pulls you back when you pull away, then man up, and tell her the way it is. Tell her you\u2019re happily married \u2014 and mean it. Tell her to stop the emails and the texts. And then put your energies into making your marriage fabulous.<\/p>\n

Consider the words of Winston Churchill, who said \u201cA man does what he must \u2014 in spite of personal consequences, in spite of obstacles and dangers and pressures \u2014 and that is the basis of all human morality.\u201d If you want to get out of the game, then get out of the game. It\u2019s not up to her; it\u2019s up to you.<\/p>\n

If you do not take charge quickly, soon it will be too late. The only thing left will be regret. Do what you already know you need to do. Good luck.<\/p>\n

Dr. Dale Archer is a board certified psychiatrist who founded the Institute For Neuropsychiatry in Southwest Louisiana. He is a frequent guest on Fox News, CNN Headline News and other national TV programs, and is the author of the New York Times best-selling book Better than Normal. Visit him at DrDaleArcher.com.<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Night Talker Dear Dr. Archer, I\u2019m a 22 year old male working on getting my degree. My problem is that I talk in my sleep.\u00a0 My roommates make fun of me for doing this, and it\u2019s terribly embarrassing. The next morning, I don\u2019t remember anything I said during the night. 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