{"id":2918,"date":"2015-04-30T07:00:02","date_gmt":"2015-04-30T12:00:02","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/bestofswla.com\/?p=2918"},"modified":"2015-09-02T11:07:18","modified_gmt":"2015-09-02T16:07:18","slug":"starting-over-after-accident","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/bestofswla.com\/2015\/04\/30\/starting-over-after-accident\/","title":{"rendered":"STARTING OVER AFTER ACCIDENT"},"content":{"rendered":"

Dear Dr. Archer,<\/strong><\/p>\n

Just over a year ago, I worked and lived in Thailand. I was living the dream. I loved my apartment, my job and my friends. I couldn\u2019t have wished for more.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Then I was in a severe traffic accident.<\/strong><\/p>\n

I lost it all, because of my own stupidity. To get an idea, go to Facebook and look up \u201cWhy Wear Helmets?\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n

\u00a0After my accident, I couldn\u2019t work, which meant I couldn\u2019t pay rent and continue living my dream.<\/strong><\/p>\n

I returned to the U.K., where I was raised, but that didn\u2019t work out as I had hoped. I felt utterly useless, and as if I didn\u2019t belong. I was relying on several other people, and after being such an independent person, that only made things worse.\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

Now, I\u2019m back in Thailand, trying to start over. I\u2019m hoping the third time\u2019s a charm.<\/strong><\/p>\n

I am struggling to find my purpose in life, but this time it\u2019s tough, because of financial instability. I know what I want to do, but I\u2019m running out of cash. I don\u2019t know where to turn, and I don\u2019t want to become suicidal. That may sound extreme, but my goal in the U.K. was to go back to Thailand, or end it all. I never want to feel that low again.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Is there any online help I can obtain to keep me motivated, positive and determined? I need to talk to people \u2014 for free.\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

Dayna<\/strong><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Dear Dayna,<\/p>\n

I looked at the Facebook page you mentioned, and I urge everyone reading this to do the same. After hearing about your very unfortunate experience, many may rethink their views on wearing helmets. Most motorcyclists are opposed to helmet laws, but statistics don\u2019t lie. When helmets aren\u2019t mandatory, motorcycle injuries and deaths increase drastically.<\/p>\n

Freedom of choice is a precious gift, but it\u2019s not cheap. Sometimes, a choice will bring about disastrous consequences, and that\u2019s why we must choose wisely. We make our choices, and must live with the results.<\/p>\n

Accidents happen every day. Being on top of the world, losing it all, and reaching rock bottom is devastating. I know it\u2019s bad; but it could have been worse. I take it you typed your own story. You still travel, and you still have sight. You beat the odds. You are alive.<\/p>\n

A year ago, you were in an accident. This experience is an amazing, priceless education. It has only been a year since the accident, and it sounds like you\u2019re trying to get your old life back. Great! But remember that, while independence is admirable, sometimes accepting a little help will get you where you want to be much faster.<\/p>\n

Write down, read and reread the words of Alexander Graham Bell, who famously said, \u201cWhen one door closes, another opens; but we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us.\u201d<\/p>\n

I have no idea what to tell you about how to get a job in Thailand, but I can tell you never to give up. Also, look around for any community mental health clinics in your area. Help is out there, and I would suggest you take any help when it\u2019s offered to you, until you\u2019re back on your feet. Good luck.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Dear Dr. Archer,<\/strong><\/p>\n

Please help! I\u2019m a 31-year-old male. All my life, I\u2019ve struggled with everything that bothered me on my own because I was always afraid to ask for support or help. I was afraid of being misunderstood, and I didn\u2019t want to bother anyone with my problems.<\/strong><\/p>\n

For years, I thought it was only my silly moods, and not worth caring about. But now, I feel like I can no longer handle this. I feel so down, and it\u2019s even worse when I need to pretend that everything is OK, because I don\u2019t want to bother my relatives.\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

I feel as if nobody understands me, and every social situation pushes me into a deeper isolation. I\u2019m longing for some kind of relationship with someone I could call my \u201csoul mate,\u201d but when someone gets close to me, I end up pushing him or her away, and go back into my own little shell.<\/strong><\/p>\n

What\u2019s wrong with me? I feel hopeless and helpless.\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

Michal<\/strong><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Dear Michal,<\/p>\n

It can be very frustrating to keep falling into that dark hole of depression and hopelessness, but some of that falling can be self-imposed. The idea of a self-fulfilling prophecy may apply in your case. That is, you seem to expect failure and disappointment in your social relationships, and by so doing, you may sabotage a relationship by always looking at the negatives.<\/p>\n

On the other hand, you may actually be fearful of an honest, intimate and vulnerable relationship.<\/p>\n

Being close and open with others requires the willingness to be rejected. And rejection hurts. But it\u2019s worse when you give up, and lose faith in your own ability to learn from those experiences.<\/p>\n

Jim Morrison said, \u201cA friend is someone who gives you total freedom to be yourself.\u201d Think about it.<\/p>\n

I doubt if there is anything wrong with you that can\u2019t be overcome, but you\u2019ve got to stop testing every potential encounter. Find the good in others. Find common interests, and give up on this fairy tale idea of finding a \u201csoul mate.\u201d And, by all means, stop pretending to be someone you\u2019re not. How can someone care about you if they never know who you are?<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Dr. Dale Archer is a board certified psychiatrist who founded the Institute for Neuropsychiatry in Southwest Louisiana. He is a frequent guest on Fox News, CNN Headline News and other national TV programs, and is the author of the New York Times best-selling book Better than Normal. Visit him at DrDaleArcher.com.<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Dear Dr. Archer, Just over a year ago, I worked and lived in Thailand. I was living the dream. I loved my apartment, my job and my friends. I couldn\u2019t have wished for more. Then I was in a severe traffic accident. I lost it all, because of my own stupidity. To get an idea, [&hellip<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":10,"featured_media":266,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[12],"tags":[35,34],"yoast_head":"\nSTARTING OVER AFTER ACCIDENT - BestOfSwla<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/bestofswla.com\/2015\/04\/30\/starting-over-after-accident\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"STARTING OVER AFTER ACCIDENT - BestOfSwla\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Dear Dr. Archer, Just over a year ago, I worked and lived in Thailand. I was living the dream. I loved my apartment, my job and my friends. I couldn\u2019t have wished for more. Then I was in a severe traffic accident. I lost it all, because of my own stupidity. To get an idea, [&hellip\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/bestofswla.com\/2015\/04\/30\/starting-over-after-accident\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"BestOfSwla\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:publisher\" content=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/bestofswla\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2015-04-30T12:00:02+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2015-09-02T16:07:18+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/bestofswla.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/08\/TAKING-CHARGE-INET.jpg\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:width\" content=\"610\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:height\" content=\"250\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:type\" content=\"image\/jpeg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Dale Archer, M.D.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"Dale Archer, M.D.\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"5 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/bestofswla.com\/2015\/04\/30\/starting-over-after-accident\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/bestofswla.com\/2015\/04\/30\/starting-over-after-accident\/\",\"name\":\"STARTING OVER AFTER ACCIDENT - BestOfSwla\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/bestofswla.com\/#website\"},\"datePublished\":\"2015-04-30T12:00:02+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2015-09-02T16:07:18+00:00\",\"author\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/bestofswla.com\/#\/schema\/person\/9b486357d7e994b03ca72b549133a644\"},\"breadcrumb\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/bestofswla.com\/2015\/04\/30\/starting-over-after-accident\/#breadcrumb\"},\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"ReadAction\",\"target\":[\"https:\/\/bestofswla.com\/2015\/04\/30\/starting-over-after-accident\/\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"BreadcrumbList\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/bestofswla.com\/2015\/04\/30\/starting-over-after-accident\/#breadcrumb\",\"itemListElement\":[{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":1,\"name\":\"Home\",\"item\":\"https:\/\/bestofswla.com\/\"},{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":2,\"name\":\"STARTING OVER AFTER ACCIDENT\"}]},{\"@type\":\"WebSite\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/bestofswla.com\/#website\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/bestofswla.com\/\",\"name\":\"BestOfSwla\",\"description\":\"Powered by Lagniappe Magazine\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"SearchAction\",\"target\":{\"@type\":\"EntryPoint\",\"urlTemplate\":\"https:\/\/bestofswla.com\/?s={search_term_string}\"},\"query-input\":\"required name=search_term_string\"}],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\"},{\"@type\":\"Person\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/bestofswla.com\/#\/schema\/person\/9b486357d7e994b03ca72b549133a644\",\"name\":\"Dale Archer, M.D.\",\"image\":{\"@type\":\"ImageObject\",\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/bestofswla.com\/#\/schema\/person\/image\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/8b3e90737d5db4904ac7b714eeee9973?s=96&d=mm&r=g\",\"contentUrl\":\"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/8b3e90737d5db4904ac7b714eeee9973?s=96&d=mm&r=g\",\"caption\":\"Dale Archer, M.D.\"},\"url\":\"https:\/\/bestofswla.com\/author\/dalearcher\/\"}]}<\/script>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"STARTING OVER AFTER ACCIDENT - BestOfSwla","robots":{"index":"index","follow":"follow","max-snippet":"max-snippet:-1","max-image-preview":"max-image-preview:large","max-video-preview":"max-video-preview:-1"},"canonical":"https:\/\/bestofswla.com\/2015\/04\/30\/starting-over-after-accident\/","og_locale":"en_US","og_type":"article","og_title":"STARTING OVER AFTER ACCIDENT - BestOfSwla","og_description":"Dear Dr. Archer, Just over a year ago, I worked and lived in Thailand. I was living the dream. I loved my apartment, my job and my friends. I couldn\u2019t have wished for more. Then I was in a severe traffic accident. I lost it all, because of my own stupidity. To get an idea, [&hellip","og_url":"https:\/\/bestofswla.com\/2015\/04\/30\/starting-over-after-accident\/","og_site_name":"BestOfSwla","article_publisher":"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/bestofswla","article_published_time":"2015-04-30T12:00:02+00:00","article_modified_time":"2015-09-02T16:07:18+00:00","og_image":[{"width":610,"height":250,"url":"https:\/\/bestofswla.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/08\/TAKING-CHARGE-INET.jpg","type":"image\/jpeg"}],"author":"Dale Archer, M.D.","twitter_misc":{"Written by":"Dale Archer, M.D.","Est. reading time":"5 minutes"},"schema":{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org","@graph":[{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https:\/\/bestofswla.com\/2015\/04\/30\/starting-over-after-accident\/","url":"https:\/\/bestofswla.com\/2015\/04\/30\/starting-over-after-accident\/","name":"STARTING OVER AFTER ACCIDENT - BestOfSwla","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/bestofswla.com\/#website"},"datePublished":"2015-04-30T12:00:02+00:00","dateModified":"2015-09-02T16:07:18+00:00","author":{"@id":"https:\/\/bestofswla.com\/#\/schema\/person\/9b486357d7e994b03ca72b549133a644"},"breadcrumb":{"@id":"https:\/\/bestofswla.com\/2015\/04\/30\/starting-over-after-accident\/#breadcrumb"},"inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"ReadAction","target":["https:\/\/bestofswla.com\/2015\/04\/30\/starting-over-after-accident\/"]}]},{"@type":"BreadcrumbList","@id":"https:\/\/bestofswla.com\/2015\/04\/30\/starting-over-after-accident\/#breadcrumb","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"name":"Home","item":"https:\/\/bestofswla.com\/"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"name":"STARTING OVER AFTER ACCIDENT"}]},{"@type":"WebSite","@id":"https:\/\/bestofswla.com\/#website","url":"https:\/\/bestofswla.com\/","name":"BestOfSwla","description":"Powered by Lagniappe Magazine","potentialAction":[{"@type":"SearchAction","target":{"@type":"EntryPoint","urlTemplate":"https:\/\/bestofswla.com\/?s={search_term_string}"},"query-input":"required name=search_term_string"}],"inLanguage":"en-US"},{"@type":"Person","@id":"https:\/\/bestofswla.com\/#\/schema\/person\/9b486357d7e994b03ca72b549133a644","name":"Dale Archer, M.D.","image":{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/bestofswla.com\/#\/schema\/person\/image\/","url":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/8b3e90737d5db4904ac7b714eeee9973?s=96&d=mm&r=g","contentUrl":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/8b3e90737d5db4904ac7b714eeee9973?s=96&d=mm&r=g","caption":"Dale Archer, M.D."},"url":"https:\/\/bestofswla.com\/author\/dalearcher\/"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/bestofswla.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2918"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/bestofswla.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/bestofswla.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bestofswla.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/10"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bestofswla.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2918"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/bestofswla.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2918\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bestofswla.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/266"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/bestofswla.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2918"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bestofswla.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2918"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bestofswla.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2918"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}