{"id":1469,"date":"2014-02-23T10:13:26","date_gmt":"2014-02-23T16:13:26","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/bestofswla.com\/?p=1469"},"modified":"2014-02-23T10:25:00","modified_gmt":"2014-02-23T16:25:00","slug":"walking-dead-1700-words","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/bestofswla.com\/2014\/02\/23\/walking-dead-1700-words\/","title":{"rendered":"THE WALKING DEAD IN 1,700 WORDS"},"content":{"rendered":"

Scene 1. In the kitchen. Andrea cooks and Glenn sits at the table.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Andrea: Fried or scrambled?<\/p>\n

Glenn: Scrambled.<\/p>\n

Rick (entering kitchen suddenly): Do the right thing!<\/p>\n

Glenn (after a pause): OK. Is it right to have the eggs fried or to have them scrambled or to talk about whether to have them fried or scrambled?<\/p>\n

Rick: Just do the right thing!<\/p>\n

Glenn (another pause): I\u2019ll have scrambled.<\/p>\n

Andrea: You know, I\u2019m getting a little tired of the division of labor around here. I mean, it\u2019s always the women scrambling eggs and washing clothes.<\/p>\n

Glenn: I\u2019ll scramble eggs.<\/p>\n

Rick: I don\u2019t know, Glenn. I kinda thought you might spend today going down to the creek and killing about a hundred zombies.<\/p>\n

Glenn: Hey, good news! For a minute there, I was afraid I was going to have to scramble eggs.<\/p>\n

Scene 2. Glenn and Maggie in the abandoned pharmacy<\/strong>.<\/p>\n

Glenn: We just rode horses next to each other for a whole hour and you didn\u2019t say a word to me. Are you mad at me about something?<\/p>\n

Glenn waits for her to speak; she remains silent.<\/p>\n

Glenn: OK \u2026 well \u2026 better look at my shopping list \u2026<\/p>\n

Maggie: Hey, would you like to have a really brief torrid affair with me for no reason?<\/p>\n

Glenn: You want to have an affair? With me? You must like me.<\/p>\n

Maggie: I hate you!<\/p>\n

Glenn: You hate me?<\/p>\n

Maggie: I love you!<\/p>\n

Glenn: Oh, wow. You love me? Really?<\/p>\n

Maggie: I hate you!<\/p>\n

Glenn: OK. Now I\u2019m confused.<\/p>\n

Maggie: Shut up!<\/p>\n

Glenn: That I understand.<\/p>\n

Silence<\/p>\n

Glenn: Hey, could you say \u201cshut up!\u201d again? There\u2019s just really something special about the way you say it. It\u2019s kind of cute.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Scene 3. Glenn, Rick and Herschel in alley behind abandoned bar. The Prisoner lies on top of a Dumpster, his leg impaled on a pole.\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

Rick: We\u2019ve got to save him!<\/p>\n

Glenn: Why? He just shot at us!<\/p>\n

Rick: He\u2019s just a kid!<\/p>\n

Herschel: So? I\u2019m just an old fart. What\u2019s it got to do with anything?<\/p>\n

Glenn: The zombies are 50 feet away! We can\u2019t save him!<\/p>\n

Rick: Look, it\u2019s the right thing to do.<\/p>\n

Glenn and Herschel: Here we go again!<\/p>\n

Glenn: I\u2019ll save him if you just stop saying that.<\/p>\n

Scene 4. Lori and Rick on an isolated country road.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Lori: OK, I got pregnant and didn\u2019t tell you and had an affair with Shane and didn\u2019t tell you and I\u2019m not sure who the father is and Shane wants me to hook up with him again and I think he wants to kill you.<\/p>\n

Rick: Hey, I understand honey. You thought I was dead and the world was coming to an end. You were desperate and just needed something to cling to.<\/p>\n

Lori: Wow! That\u2019s a major plot point and you knew it before you\u2019d even seen the show. How did you do that?<\/p>\n

Rick: Well \u2026 I\u2019ve got a script \u2026<\/p>\n

Lori: Oh, yeah \u2026 Of course \u2026<\/p>\n

Scene 5. As the two sit on a couch, Andrea tries to comfort Maggie.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Andrea: She\u2019ll be OK. You just need to be strong for her.<\/p>\n

Maggie: I don\u2019t think she\u2019s going to be OK. She\u2019s just lost her family and tried to kill herself. Why would you even say something like that? Did you hear that in some soap opera or something?<\/p>\n

Andrea: Well \u2026 it\u2019s in the script.<\/p>\n

Maggie: Oh, yeah \u2026 right \u2026 of course.<\/p>\n

Scene 6: Lori and Carl sit by the camp fire.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Carl: Mommy, if your baby\u2019s a girl, can we name it Sophia?<\/p>\n

Lori: Well, honey, why would you want to name it Sophia? Did Sophia suddenly become really important just because she died? I mean, we didn\u2019t really know anything about Sophia, did we? She never had any lines.<\/p>\n

Carl: You mean like T-Dog?<\/p>\n

Lori: Yeah, like T-Dog. Now, if mommy had a boy, you wouldn\u2019t want to name him T-Boy would you?<\/p>\n

Carl: Well, no. But T-Dog\u2019s still alive.<\/p>\n

Lori: Is he?<\/p>\n

Scene 7: The whole group is locked in a debate inside the house<\/strong>.<\/p>\n

Rick: We need to make a decision about what we\u2019re going to do with The Prisoner!<\/p>\n

Dale: Let\u2019s just do what\u2019s right!<\/p>\n

Entire group: Oh, not you too!<\/p>\n

Dale: Would you people just listen to yourselves? If we execute this prisoner, we\u2019ll be losing all our ties to humanity; to civilization.<\/p>\n

Glenn: You want civilization? Then don\u2019t bring that guy into this group. I can\u2019t imagine any more cruel, uncivilized, inhumane treatment than to introduce some poor innocent schmo into this freak show.<\/p>\n

Rick: Enough of that! We need to stop and talk about how we\u2019re going to execute this guy.<\/p>\n

Dale: IF we\u2019re going to execute this guy \u2026 IF! \u2026 IF! \u2026<\/p>\n

Rick: Oh, yeah \u2026 Sorry \u2026 If \u2026 My bad \u2026<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Scene 8. Rick and Lori at the campsite.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Rick: Everybody wants me to be leader, but they question every decision I make. Should I keep being leader anyway? Is it the right thing to do?<\/p>\n

Lori: Look, what with my ex-lover constantly bugging me to leave you, I\u2019m pretty much worn to a frazzle. So, today you can do either the \u201ceverybody questions my leadership\u201d thing or the \u201cis it right?\u201d thing, but you can\u2019t do both! So pick one!<\/p>\n

Rick. Great! I come to you for help and I get my hardest decision yet!<\/p>\n

Scene 9. Rick and Shane in a desolate parking lot.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Rick: I\u2019m going to do the right thing.<\/p>\n

Shane: NO! I\u2019M GOING TO DO THE RIGHT THING! GRRR! SNARL! ARGH!<\/p>\n

Rick: I can do the right thing, Shane.<\/p>\n

Shane: NO! I WANT TO DO THE RIGHT THING FIRST THIS TIME! YOU ALWAYS GET TO DO THE RIGHT THING FIRST! GRRR! SNARL! ARGH!<\/p>\n

Rick: Look, I don\u2019t care who does it first as long as it gets done.<\/p>\n

Shane: OK! I\u2019M GOING TO DO THE RIGHT THING! GRRR! SNARL! ARGH!<\/p>\n

Rick: All right, well, if you\u2019re going to do it, you\u2019re going to have to stop talking.<\/p>\n

Shane: OH, GREAT! NOW YOU\u2019RE TELLING ME I CAN\u2019T TALK! GRRR! SNARL! ARGH!<\/p>\n

Rick: Fine, I\u2019ll just do it myself.<\/p>\n

Shane: NO! I\u2019M GOING TO DO IT! GRRR! SNARL! ARGH!<\/p>\n

Dialogue continues in same vein.<\/p>\n

Scene 10. Dale, Rick and Shane walk down a desolate road.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Dale: I think Shane\u2019s going crazy.<\/p>\n

Rick: Naw, man. Shane\u2019s turned over a new leaf.<\/p>\n

Dale: I don\u2019t think so. He\u2019s walking right behind you with a fully loaded assault rifle.<\/p>\n

Rick: It\u2019s OK, man. He\u2019s under control.<\/p>\n

Dale: I don\u2019t think so. He\u2019s pointing the gun right at the back of your head.<\/p>\n

Rick: Look, I\u2019ve got this one, bro. Don\u2019t worry. We won\u2019t have any more trouble out of him.<\/p>\n

Shane: GRRR! SNARL! ARGH! KILL HIM! KILL HIM! KILL HIM!<\/p>\n

Dale: Do you hear what he\u2019s saying?<\/p>\n

Rick: Sometimes he mumbles to himself when he\u2019s a little torqued. I admit it\u2019s annoying but it\u2019s not dangerous.<\/p>\n

Shane: I AM JUST PLAIN GOING TO FLAT OUT KILL YOU DEAD!<\/p>\n

Dale: You know, I think you may be ignoring a serious problem here.<\/p>\n

Rick: Nothing I can\u2019t handle.<\/p>\n

Scene 11: Rick and Andrea in the camp.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Rick: That\u2019s the second time you\u2019ve pointed that gun in my face!<\/p>\n

Andrea: Yeah, what about it, big man? What are you going to do if I do it again?<\/p>\n

Rick: I\u2019m going to say, \u201cThat\u2019s the third time you\u2019ve pointed that gun at my face.\u201d<\/p>\n

Scene 12: Dale walks into Daryl\u2019s camp.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Dale: Hey, what\u2019s going on here? Daryl \u2026 why are you hanging body parts of zombies up everywhere?<\/p>\n

Daryl: Anything wrong with that?<\/p>\n

Dale: Well, I just don\u2019t want to see you crack up, son. You\u2019re a good man, Daryl.<\/p>\n

Daryl: Why do you tell me I\u2019m a good man?<\/p>\n

Dale: Because I need your help in an alliance against Shane, and I figured I\u2019d have a lot better chance of getting it if I told you were good than if I told you you were a raggedly old hick we just put up with because you\u2019re great at tracking.<\/p>\n

Daryl: Hey, your alliance ain\u2019t my problem.<\/p>\n

Dale: Well, what if The Prisoner gets loose and kills you in your sleep?<\/p>\n

Daryl: Ain\u2019t my problem.<\/p>\n

Dale: He kills you in your sleep and that\u2019s not your problem?<\/p>\n

Daryl: Ain\u2019t my problem.<\/p>\n

Dale: Daryl, you just shot an arrow through your right shoulder.<\/p>\n

Daryl: Ain\u2019t my problem. Ouch.<\/p>\n

Scene 13: Night. Glenn and Maggie sit on a hill, watching the zombies stagger up the slope.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Glenn: You know, this is the only thing that keeps me going, when you sit next to me like this and talk with me about everything that\u2019s on my mind.<\/p>\n

Maggie is silent.<\/p>\n

Glenn: If it weren\u2019t for you, it would all be so pointless. I mean, what is there to look forward to? Are we going to stay alive just so we can watch the zombies eat our children? Then watch them eat us? Then feel some really, really intense and unpleasant pain? And then never watch anything again?<\/p>\n

Maggie is silent.<\/p>\n

Glenn: It all seems so meaningless. We live in constant fear. And the best we can do is tell each other a bunch of feel-good platitudes to keep us going. Why do we do this? Why do we keep struggling against the inevitable?<\/p>\n

Maggie is silent.<\/p>\n

Glenn: Oh, well. I don\u2019t guess I\u2019ll ever figure it out. I just know I\u2019ll be able to make it one more day every time you come out here at night and tell me you love me.<\/p>\n

Maggie: I hate you.<\/p>\n

Glenn: I love you too, darling.<\/p>\n

Rick suddenly appears on the scene.<\/p>\n

Rick (whispering): Hey, I know this is kind of an intimate moment for you two, and I\u2019m just sorry as hell for interrupting. But I wondered if I could just put in a brief word for doing the right thing.<\/p>\n

Glenn (standing up): Uh, I\u2019m going to go look for some zombies.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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