Thinking back on it, the only thing missing was Kevin Bacon.<\/p>\n
_____\u00a0 \u00a0 _____\u00a0 \u00a0 _____\u00a0 \u00a0 _____\u00a0 \u00a0 _____<\/p>\n
My father was Big on honesty, which came under some social erosion with all the lying that had to be done regarding the Easter Bunny, Tooth Fairy and Santa Claus.<\/p>\n
My little brother and sister still believed in Santa, or were faking it one more year, to squeeze a better gift from my parents, who were under some duress by being caught in between the enjoy-their-innocence-while-you-can and the black \u2018n white of Thou Shalt Not Lie.<\/p>\n
I, so much wiser and worldly, had Figured It Out (all by myself, *he added with great pride) and knew that since our Little Red House had no chimney, that under Mom\u2019s bed and in the back of her closet, were better places to see what \u201cSanta\u201d ha-ha, would have under the tree.<\/p>\n
_____\u00a0 \u00a0 _____\u00a0 \u00a0 _____\u00a0 \u00a0 _____\u00a0 \u00a0 _____<\/p>\n
So it\u2019s Christmas Eve, which was my mother\u2019s birthday ((poor thing) the only worse day to have a birthday would be Christmas Day). We\u2019ve made a smaller fuss over her shindig (saving the bigger fuss for tomorrow, when it was mostly about us) \u2013 I think Dad (Worst Husband Shopper Ever) had given us the option of giving her a \u201cthrow\u201d (\u201cher feet are always cold\u201d) or an oven mitt, every woman\u2019s birthday-gift-from-her-children dream.<\/p>\n
Birthday cake consumed (that Mom baked) (she \u201cliked\u201d baking, was our point of view), my little brother and sister were shooed to bed, while I, so much older, was allowed to stay up all-the-way until 9.<\/p>\n
_____\u00a0 \u00a0 _____\u00a0 \u00a0 _____\u00a0 \u00a0 _____\u00a0 \u00a0 _____<\/p>\n
Suddenly this loud noise and clatter! The dog started barking. Could be a skunk, could be a possum, never did it occur to any of us that it could be a sleigh, having an emergency landing in the rice field out back of our house.<\/p>\n
_____\u00a0 \u00a0 _____\u00a0 \u00a0 _____\u00a0 \u00a0 _____\u00a0 \u00a0 _____<\/p>\n
Mom put her hand over her mouth \u2013 that meant she was either happy or terrified \u2013 I couldn\u2019t tell which, because she was still wearing the oven mitt, trying to convince us that it was exactly-what-she-needed.<\/p>\n
Dad went to the upper cabinet over the frig and snagged the flashlight and I ran to my bedroom to fetch my BB gun.<\/p>\n
_____\u00a0 \u00a0 _____\u00a0 \u00a0 _____\u00a0 \u00a0 _____\u00a0 \u00a0 _____<\/p>\n
Dad was smart enough to jump into his rubber boots but I was in my socks, wearing about ten pounds of mud per foot when Dad\u2019s flashlight shined on the brake lights of that sleigh.<\/p>\n
The field was slick, reindeer hoofs are pretty small and bearing behind them was the momentum of a pretty portly fellow and something like a gazillion gifts, so I took it as a miracle they came to a stop before they crashed into a rice levee.<\/p>\n
He was a little short on jolly when we found him out there with mud all up to his calves.\u00a0 Thinking back, he might have been cussing, but it was in North Poleese so who am I to say\u2026<\/p>\n
There were a bunch of longhorn cows out in front of his sleigh, kinda scrawny though, and then my eyes adjusted and I thought, \u2018O, so that\u2019s what reindeer look like!\u2019<\/p>\n
So it\u2019s the three of us out there out in the middle of a rice field, plus his reindeer and my dog, and somebody needs to say something, so he takes off his big mitten and offers his hand to my father, \u201cClaus,\u201d he says and my father says, \u201cFontenot.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cMy son, Pierre.\u201d my father says.<\/p>\n
\u201cMy reindeer,\u201d says Santa. \u201cYo, Dasher, Dancer, show some manners! Prancer, Vixen, act like you were raised right! Comet, get Cupid over here\u2026Donder, Blitzen, don\u2019t eat his rice stubble; it\u2019ll give you the squirts for crying out loud!\u201d<\/p>\n
My dad was doing the nice-to-meet-you\u2019s with the reindeer, something he never thought he\u2019d be doing; meanwhile Santa jumped back on the sleigh to get a higher view.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhere the heck is that flea-bitten red nose reindeer?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHe\u2019s over there,\u201d said Vixen, happy to tattle, to get in tight with the big jolly fellow.<\/p>\n
My father and I looked where Vixen pointed, at this dull pink spot of light over there by the fence line.<\/p>\n
\u201cI checked for Barbie dolls, I checked for Monopoly games, just flat forgot to check his batteries,\u201d Santa fessed up to my father. \u201cYou got some AA\u2019s?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHis nose runs on AA\u2019s?\u201d I asked.<\/p>\n
\u201cIt was a special one-time option the year he came out. Comes in pretty handy on foggy nights like this one.\u201d<\/p>\n
_____\u00a0 \u00a0 _____\u00a0 \u00a0 _____\u00a0 \u00a0 _____\u00a0 \u00a0 _____<\/p>\n
I saw my opportunity to be a hero, went dashing back to the abode to get some batteries for Rudolph.<\/p>\n
I checked the junk drawer, moved away the screwdriver and pliers, the twist ties, found some A batteries, found some AAA\u2019s but no AA\u2019s.<\/p>\n
Being a hero is quite a carrot, so I solved my problem by stealing a pair of AA\u2019s from one of my toys.<\/p>\n
When I got back out to the field some of the neighbors had shown up to see what the noise was all about. I knew the good times were over when I saw Bro. Nearly, a pastor at the nearby Apostolic Sanctified BaptiCostal Tabernacle, pounding on his Bible and shaking a finger at Santa.<\/p>\n
Dad called him \u201cBro. Narrow Minded.\u201d That I had not worn shoes to come into a rice field was plumb dumb, but that Bro. Nearly had come running to a rice field in the middle of the night carrying his King James was just about par for him.<\/p>\n
He was all over Santa because Dancer was dancing, right there, just dancing up a reindeer jig, just flaunting the very-sin of it, right there, a carnal influence on the other reindeer, just shameless behavior and wasn\u2019t Santa responsible and ashamed!<\/p>\n
My father was kinda cringing because it was his rice field where the dancing was going on, him a fellow preacher, and soon he\u2019d be culpable too.<\/p>\n
Bro. Nearly was straightening Santa out real right-quick on Satan\u2019s sneaky ways and the need to be ever vigilant in toeing to the letter of the scriptures.\u00a0 Seemed to me that Santa was taking the sermon well, as he remained more jolly than I\u2019d ever seen any sinner catch a preaching-to.<\/p>\n
\u201cI appreciate your enthusiasm,\u201d Santa told the preacher. \u201cI got a lot of time on my hands, up there, between Christmases, and have been known to read the scriptures.\u00a0 I kinda like King David.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYeah,\u201d said Bro. Nearly, \u201ckilling Goliath with a sling.\u00a0 He\u2019s one of my favorites.\u201d<\/p>\n
_____\u00a0 \u00a0 _____\u00a0 \u00a0 _____\u00a0 \u00a0 _____\u00a0 \u00a0 _____<\/p>\n
\u201cSince I\u2019m in the neighborhood,\u201d Santa told us after we\u2019d popped my batteries into Rudolph and his nose was red-light red again and fit for duty, \u201cI may as well pass out your gifts.\u201d<\/p>\n
My father gave him a push to get him back into his seat on the sleigh.\u00a0 Sure \u2018nough, he really did say it, \u201cNow, Dasher! Now, Dancer! Now, Prancer, and Vixen!\u00a0 On, Comet! On, Cupid! On, Donder and Blitzen!\u201d<\/p>\n
Off they went, while we went tearing into our Christmas gifts.<\/p>\n
I got a pair of rubber boots and new socks, plus about ten pounds worth of batteries. Dad got an oven mitt.<\/p>\n
Bro. Nearly got a Bible. No matter which page he turned to, it was always 2 Samuel, 6:14, \u201cAnd David danced before the Lord with all his might.\u201d<\/p>\n
_____\u00a0 \u00a0 _____\u00a0 \u00a0 _____\u00a0 \u00a0 _____\u00a0 \u00a0 _____<\/p>\n
This edition of Uncle P\u2019s Bedtime Stories is brought to you by Eighty-one, where we\u2019re reminded again that every good \u2018n perfect gift comes from the Lord.\u00a0 Uncle P can be reached at 81creativity@gmail.com.<\/em><\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n when, what to to my wondering eyes should appear,<\/p>\n but a miniature sleigh, and eight tiny rein-deer,<\/p>\n with a little old driver, so lively and quick,<\/p>\n I knew in a moment it must be St. Nick.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n More rapid than eagles his coursers they came,<\/p>\n And he whistled, and shouted, and call’d them by name:<\/p>\n “Now, Dasher! Now, Dancer! Now, Prancer, and Vixen!<\/p>\n “On, Comet! On, Cupid! On, Donder and Blitzen!<\/p>\n <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Thinking back on it, the only thing missing was Kevin Bacon. _____\u00a0 \u00a0 _____\u00a0 \u00a0 _____\u00a0 \u00a0 _____\u00a0 \u00a0 _____ My father was Big on honesty, which came under some social erosion with all the lying that had to be done regarding the Easter Bunny, Tooth Fairy and Santa Claus. My little brother and sister [&hellip<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":15,"featured_media":279,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[58],"tags":[197,59,199,198,894],"yoast_head":"\n