I’m Drunk. Who Needs Tires?

admin Friday, October 28, 2022 Comments Off on I’m Drunk. Who Needs Tires?
I’m Drunk. Who Needs Tires?

Laurie Rosser, of Gorseinon, Wales, was stopped while driving on the M4 because his van was missing two tires. Police estimated he had driven more than 10 miles without the tires. Rosser was breathalyzed at the scene, where he tested at more than twice the legal limit. But he had a good explanation for his oversight. His solicitor said Rosser had tested positive for COVID and “his mind was cloudy. That influenced his decision to drive with two defective tires on the vehicle,” Rhys Davies said. Rosser was banned from driving for 17 months and fined.

Don’t Rush. You Can Shave During The Game.

During the recent U.S. Open tennis tournament, during a match between Nick Kyrgios of Australia and Karen Khachanov of Russia at Arthur Ashe Stadium, two men in the stands stole the show for a few minutes. YouTube prankster JiDion donned a barber’s cape while a second man gave him a trim with clippers. “They were escorted out of their seats and then off the grounds for disruption of play,” USTA’s Brendan McIntyre said. “There’s a first time for anything.” However, it wasn’t the first for JiDion: he got a trim at a Timberwolves versus Mavericks game in March, and in July, he was banned for life from Wimbledon for blowing an air horn during a match between Novak Djokovic and Jannik Sinner.

Don’t Take A Sword To A Gun Fight

In Fort Myers, Fla., Lee County deputies stopped to investigate a Nissan Altima that was parked so that it blocked a bicycle lane. Officers found a man reclining in the driver’s seat. After he gave them a false name, he was asked to get out of the vehicle. That’s when Randy Austerman reached into the console and removed a 3-foot-long steel sword, then paused to attach a dragon-shaped handle to the blade. Police backed off as Austerman poked the sword out the car’s window at them. As he tried to escape through the passenger door, Austerman was subdued and arrested; officers found methamphetamine, marijuana and a glass pipe in the car.

Worked 8 Hours Of A 10-Hour Shift? Close Enough.

Elizabeth Leon, 18, was hired to babysit a 4-year-old in Aventura, Fla., from 1:45 pm until midnight. When the child’s mother texted Leon at 11:14 pm to say she was headed home, Leon texted back that she was “heading out … because her mother paid for an Uber to take her back home and it arrived ahead of time,” an arrest report said. Leon told the mother she had locked the door, and requested her $168 payment. The mother checked her Ring doorbell recording and saw that Leon had actually left at 9:45 p.m., leaving the child alone for more than two hours. Leon was later charged with child neglect and transferred to jail, where she’s unlikely to be able to leave early.

Access To Wendy’s Denied

As Ryan Boria and Amy Schaner were heading for their night shifts at Wendy’s in Tilden Township, Penn., they stopped at the train crossing at Industrial Drive, where Boria “placed a shunt on the track.” He got back in the car with (Schaner) and they proceeded to Wendy’s. Officer Frank Cataldi of the Tilden Township Police Department said, “they told us that their intentions were that if the gates could malfunction and they could somehow block traffic, then that would prevent people from getting to Wendy’s, and they could have a slow night at work.” Both were arrested on multiple charges, including causing or risking a catastrophe.

Not An Urban Myth: Alligators Really Do Bite

Behold the cautionary tale of Eric Merda, who was at the Lake Manatee Fish Camp in Myakka City, Fla., when he became lost in the woods. When he found the lake, he decided to swim across: “not the smartest decision a Florida boy could make,” Merda later said. As he swam, a gator got hold of his forearm and dragged him underwater three times, he said, and “when we came up the third time, she finally did her death roll and took off with my arm.” Merda, suffering indescribable pain, returned to shore and started to walk, trying to find his way out of the swamp. Three days later, following the sun and power lines, he found a fence and a man on the other side. Merda told the man what had happened, and he summoned help. Surgeons amputated what remained of Merda’s arm; now he’s speaking out about the danger of alligators. “You guys know who you are, throwing rocks at them. Leave them gators alone.”

He’ll Do Anything For Pine Nuts

A Chinese man named Hu and another man were picking pine nuts in a forest park in Heilongjiang province in northeastern China by using an unconventional method: they were perched in the basket of a tethered hydrogen balloon. That might have been fine, but eventually the balloon became untethered. The second man jumped to the ground. Hu, however, was aloft in the balloon for two days and traveled more than 200 miles before rescuers reached him by cellphone and told him how to slowly deflate the balloon and land safely. By that time, he was close to the border with Russia. Hu was reportedly in good health aside from having back pain from standing so long.

Rest In Peace, Chuck

It is with great sadness that we share the news of Chuck Shepherd’s death on Thursday, Sept. 8. Chuck was the originator of News of the Weird in 1988; he stopped writing the column in 2017. His great wit and eye for the weird made the column a huge success and a favorite among newspaper readers. Lagniappe Magazine and Andrews McMeel Syndication are proud to have worked with Chuck for so many years.

MC Sleep

Comic book creator Dale Keown has launched a YouTube channel to talk about his career and that of other cartoonists. Recently, Keown’s livestream was in trouble when he fell asleep and the camera kept rolling — for more than five hours. The beginning of the video includes Keown expounding on Marvel, Disney, the Hulk and his drunkenness. Then he seems to just drop off into dreamland. Journalist and Bleeding Cool founder Rich Johnston, who were watching the stream, called it “so transfixing and mellowing.”

More Like  ‘Stupider Things’

Thanks to the quick reaction of a semitruck operator, a teenage driver sustained only minor injuries after she allowed her car to drift into the oncoming lane of a suburban Minneapolis street and crash into the truck. During questioning, the girl denied being on her phone at the time of the crash. But Anoka County Sheriff’s deputies noticed that her car’s Bluetooth system was “still streaming the audio to ‘Stranger Things’ on Netflix.” She then admitted to watching the popular series while driving.

Serial Robber Taken Down By ‘GPS Bottle’

In Ann Arbor, Mich., a serial pharmacy robber identified as Kristopher Kukola, allegedly hit five CVS stores between May and July, demanding narcotics and displaying a gun. In a later incident, a fast-thinking pharmacist dropped a decoy pill bottle containing a GPS tracker into the bag. Police found Kukola escaping in a Jeep and followed the car to an apartment complex, where the thief jumped out and tried to flee on foot. When officers caught up to him, Kukola told them, “The guy you are looking for ran that way.” Investigators found a BB gun, the drugs and the decoy bottle in his Jeep. Kukola was indicted on federal charges.

The Little-Known Sport Of Donut Mosaics

Maybe doughnuts don’t sell so well in Arizona’s extreme July heat. In any case, one grocery store chain figured out another use for the sugary treats. Bashas, a grocery chain based in Chandler, Ariz., assembled 14,400 decorated confections into a mosaic of the company’s logo to celebrate its 90th anniversary. As a bonus, the chain won the Guinness World Record for largest doughnut mosaic (902 square feet). After the ruling, Bashas boxed up the treats for distribution to local nonprofits.

CSI, Skeeter-Style

In China’s Fujian Province, investigators on a burglary case got a hot tip from an unusual source: a smashed mosquito. As police checked out the scene, they decided the suspect may have stayed overnight in the apartment. Among other things, they found a piece of mosquito coil. One skeeter apparently met its bloody demise on a wall. Investigators took DNA samples from the smear there. Analysis showed the blood belonged to a man named Chai, who had a criminal record and was arrested 19 days later for that burglary and three others.

Comments are closed.