Too Drunk To Read

admin Thursday, March 25, 2021 Comments Off on Too Drunk To Read
Too Drunk To Read


Bounty Cheramy, 22, smelling of alcohol and swaying back and forth, was arrested and charged with drunk driving after his Mazda allegedly struck an electronic traffic sign flashing the message, “Drive Sober or Get Pulled Over.” Officers in Port Charlotte, Fla., said Cheramy told them he had been on his phone while he was driving. He “suddenly struck something” but was unsure what it was. His car sustained heavy front-end damage and the sign was wrecked. The affidavit also noted Cheramy recorded a blood alcohol content twice the legal limit in two breath tests.

Forget Soccer. Let’s Watch This Bald Head.

Fans of the Caledonian Thistle soccer team in Inverness, Scotland, were frustrated as they watched a broadcast of the club’s game against rival Ayr United when the new robotic cameras programmed to follow the ball around the pitch focused instead on the bald head of one of the game’s linesmen. The team had proudly announced a week earlier that it would be replacing human camera operators with a new system “with in-built, AI, ball-tracking technology” to stream live HD footage of home games to season ticket holders and fans who purchased the service. While many fans complained, others “saw this as a bonus, given the usual quality of performance.”

Who Picks On A Duck?

Three teenage girls in Clinton, Conn., have been arrested and charged with stealing a duck after photos of them surfaced on social media. The girls took a duck named Quackers out of a pen at the Grove Garden Center Nursery where it was recovering from a raccoon attack. They posted photos of themselves with Quackers at the town beach and a house party. The girls were charged with larceny and trespassing. Quackers is still missing.

Bright Ideas

— In Botswana, cattle are left to graze and roam during the day. But that makes them vulnerable to attacks by lions, leopards and other carnivores. So two conservation biologists from the University of New South Wales in Australia have come up with an idea to allow both cattle and cats to co-exist. Because big cats hunt using the element of surprise, the biologists came up with a way to make the predators believe they’d been seen by their prey; they then abandon the hunt. “We tested this by painting one-third of a cattle herd with artificial eye spots (on their backsides),” explained Cameron Radford. Over four years, “none of the cows that we painted with artificial eye spots were killed by ambush predators.” Village chiefs and native farmers “look forward to us coming back and painting more eyes on bums,” Radford said.

— Conducting choir practice indoors was out of the question for Mark Potvin, instructor of music at Luther College in Decorah, Iowa, given the school’s COVID-19 protocols. Finding a space for practice outside posed a challenge until Potvin noticed the college was draining its pool. Officials at Decorah Park and Rec gave their blessing, and choir members now rehearse while they stand in the empty pool, socially distanced and masked. Luther College has five choirs and one of the nation’s largest collegiate music programs.

You Can Have Anything But My Beans

A 34-year-old Wichita, Kan., man died after a disagreement over leftover barbecue beans escalated. Ryan Speight had returned to the home he shared with his uncle, David Staley, 57, and gone to the kitchen, where Staley questioned him about eating the leftover beans, according to an arrest affidavit. Staley told police Speight became upset, pushing and punching Staley, who, in response, picked up a knife from the counter and “jabbed Ryan one time in the chest.” Staley was charged with voluntary manslaughter.

Least Competent Criminals

John Travis Ross and Joshua Ray Corban were charged with conspiracy and attempting to smuggle contraband into the Central Mississippi Correctional Facility in Pearl, Miss., after a drone they used as a delivery device became tangled in a net above the prison fence. 

The drone was carrying 2 ounces of marijuana, a cellphone, cigarette lighters, phone chargers and headphones, according to corrections officials. Investigators were able to trace the drone’s flight and discovered security video showing the men launching it.

Suspicions Confirmed

When Brittany Keech of Belding, Mich., went to get her mail, she found that it contained a postcard dated exactly 100 years ago — Oct. 29, 1920. “Yeah, that’s a little too slow,” Keech said. 

The Halloween greeting from young Flossie Burgess was addressed to her cousins: “I just finished my history lesson and am going to bed pretty soon.” A USPS spokesperson said, “In most cases … old letters and postcards — sometimes purchased at flea markets, antique shops and even online — are re-entered into our system … (and) as long as there is a deliverable address and postage, the card or letter gets delivered.”


World War II veteran Suttie Economy, 94, of Roanoke, Va., developed a taste for Juicy Fruit gum during the war. He is well-known around town for passing out sticks of his favorite flavor to everyone he meets. Now, Economy has been granted his dying wish: to be buried in a casket painted to look like a package of Juicy Fruit. After initially having his request for permission turned down, Economy’s friend Sammy Oakey, owner of Oakey’s Funeral Service, received a call from a Mars Wrigley company vice president approving the use of its logo. The company even delivered 250 packs of gum to Economy’s family. Meanwhile, Economy is living at the Virginia Veterans Care Clinic, where his health is improving.


— A 17-year-old girl in Bokaro, India underwent surgery to remove a 15-pound hairball. She had spent years engaging in obsessive hair-chewing. A team of doctors initially thought the mass of hair was a tumor, but discovered the true nature of the hairball during the six-hour surgery. The girl was reported to be in stable condition following the procedure.

— Doctors at a hospital in Dagestan, Russia, were shocked to discover the source of a woman’s stomach distress was a 4-foot-long snake that had apparently slithered into her mouth as she slept outside her home in Levashi village. In a video of the procedure, a doctor is heard to say, “let’s see what this is” as a tube is inserted down the anesthetized woman’s throat. Local residents say such incidents are not unheard of in the mountainous area.


Akiko Obata, who lives in Chiba Prefecture in Japan, holds the Guinness World Record for the largest collection of sampuru, the fake food restaurants use to promote their offerings. Sampuru is an important part of Japanese food culture. After 15 years of collecting sampura, Obata has more than 8,000 individual items, which fill an entire room in her house. “Replicas are not real food. But I truly respect how each of them are made to look so real,” Obata said.

Those Dryers Aren’t For People

Firefighters with the Essex County, England, Fire and Rescue Service were called to a derelict laundromat where three young men had become trapped inside an industrial-sized tumble dryer. Two of them had climbed all the way into the dryer, while the third had managed to get his ankles trapped in the door. Firefighters were joined by Essex Police, a medical helicopter and the ambulance service as they employed “a lot of heavy equipment” to free the men. No word on what they were looking for in the dryer.

Rise Of The Machines

— A thief in Lippstadt, Germany, was foiled by his booty as he tried to make off with a robotic lawnmower. The robot sent a message to the owner’s smartphone, alerting the man that the lawnmower had flipped upside down. When the owner went to investigate, he saw the thief with the robot under his arm. Police said the thief then dropped the lawnmower and fled.

— Craig Hershoff of Miami has invented a robot to help people like himself who may have difficulty using the special contact lenses they wear for vision problems that can’t be helped with regular contacts. The Cliara Lens Robot can insert and remove the lenses by voice activation. “It really helps with dexterity,” Hershoff said; and that is especially the case for elderly or disabled people. The robot is being tested in a clinical trial in Boston. Hershoff hopes to have FDA clearance on it early next year.

Anything For The YouTube Channel

Two passengers traveling together on an American Airlines flight from Dallas to Miami were removed before take-off after one of the women attempted to sneak from coach into first class and hide in the footwell of her friend’s seat. According to a witness, “Apparently the plan was for this woman’s friend to remain there the entire flight … (as a stunt to) drive viewers to their YouTube channel.” Flight attendants discovered the plot when they noticed an empty seat in coach. The plane returned to the gate so the friends could be removed. An unrelated passenger was also removed after he “cussed out” a flight attendant over the delay.

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