Driving Drunk On A Riding Mower

admin Thursday, August 15, 2019 Comments Off on Driving Drunk On A Riding Mower
Driving Drunk On A Riding Mower

A police officer in Haines City, Fla., was inside a local business when he heard “a loud noise” outside. In the parking lot, he found Gary Wayne Anderson, who had just crashed his riding lawnmower into the officer’s cruiser. “I’m drunk,” Anderson told officers, according to an arrest affidavit. “Take me to jail.” He was so intoxicated, police said, that he failed a field sobriety test and “almost fell to the ground multiple times.” At the police station, Anderson accused police of poisoning him and requested that he be taken to a hospital, where test results found his blood-alcohol content to be three times Florida’s legal limit. Anderson has two prior DUI convictions and has not had a valid driver’s license since 1978. “It’s never a good idea to get behind the wheel drunk,” noted police Chief Jim Elensky, “even if that wheel is to a Craftsman, Massey Ferguson or John Deere.”

Wide World of Sports

Men looking for diversion in Krasnoyarsk, Russia, entered the Male Slapping Championships, part of the Siberian Power Show, wherein contestants slap each other so hard that some of them sustain concussions. Female Siberians now have their own contest: the Booty-Slapping Championships. For this event, the women, all fitness enthusiasts, take turns whacking each other on the heinie until one is knocked off balance. Fitness blogger Anastasia Zolotaya, one of the contest’s winners, features demonstrations of the serious workouts she uses to toughen her buns on her Instagram page @sportnastya.

Freddy Kreuger Parrot

Cinema’s Freddy Krueger has nothing on a winged resident of the Cascavel zoo in Brazil. The Amazonian parrot started his life at the zoo four years ago, after being shot in the upper beak during a raid at a drug den that disfigured his face and earned him the name Freddy Krueger. Later, Freddy survived being bitten on the leg by a nonvenomous snake, which resulted in profuse bleeding. Just days after that, armed thieves broke into the zoo and stole Freddy, along with another parrot and a cylinder of gas. But true to Freddy form, the parrot made his way back to the zoo, where veterinarian Ilair Dettoni speculated that Freddy’s deformities may have made him less desirable to the thieves. “I don’t know if Freddy is really unlucky or really lucky,” he said. The other parrot and the gas cylinder have not been located.

Attack Squirrel

The Limestone County,  Ala., Sheriff’s Office is on the lookout for Mickey Paulk, after executing a search warrant at an Athens apartment where he was believed to be living. While Paulk was not at the apartment at the time, officers did find meth, drug paraphernalia, ammunition and body armor, along with DeezNutz, Paulk’s “attack squirrel,” in a cage in the apartment. Sheriff’s deputy Stephen Young said officers were told Paulk feeds the squirrel meth to keep it aggressive, which Paulk denied in a Facebook video. Officers released the squirrel into the wild, but Paulk (still on the run) later told news outlets he went back to the apartment and whistled, and DeezNutz returned to him. A GoFundMe page established to help Paulk pay his legal fees includes a post saying the squirrel has been “safely gotten … out of Alabama and it is being boarded until his owner’s legal issues can be settled.” The Limestone sheriff’s office took to Twitter to warn locals to be wary of Paulk: “Mickey Paulk is a fleeing felon with felony warrants unrelated to his squirrel.”

So They Stole The Bridge?

In the Arctic region of Murmansk in Russia, an abandoned railway bridge was the quarry of ambitious metal thieves who removed the 75-foot-long center span, leaving only the support structures near either shore. Locals noticed the section was missing in May. And while the span weighed 62 tons, it was estimated to be worth only $9,000. Russian law enforcement is looking into the theft, but locals are nonplussed. One mused that the remaining structures would be “eyesores” for a long time to come, then shrugged and said: “Ah, who cares — this isn’t Germany, and restoring order to the vandalized landscape is not high on the agenda.”

Don’t Make Me Use This Avocado

A resident of southern Israel approached a teller at a Postal Bank branch in mid-May, handing her a note that read, “Hand over the money in the drawer” (misspelling the Hebrew word for drawer). As the teller hesitated, the robber said, “Put the money in the bag quickly or I’ll throw this grenade,” referring to a black object in his right hand. The teller gave him $4,450 in cash, and he left. Five days later, he repeated his method at another branch, where he netted $3,300. Police tracked him through mobile phone records and other clues, eventually discovering the “grenade” he wielded was an avocado he had painted black. 

If You’d Only Listened To Me

The Behney House Hotel in Myerstown, Pa., was evacuated after police responded to a reported bomb threat. When officers arrived, they found David Oxenreider, who lives at the hotel, and the homemade bomb he claimed to have made next to a Dumpster outside the building. Oxenreider told police he made the bomb to get their attention because he was frustrated that his attempts to warn officials about aliens hadn’t been taken seriously. According to the criminal complaint, Oxenreider said he encountered a UFO and aliens in 2014. They told him “humans need to start being good people, or else they were going to destroy the Earth with a nuclear laser beam.” Police disarmed the device and arrested Oxenreider.

Judge And Jury

Keith Cutler, senior circuit judge of Winchester and Salisbury in England, had what would seem to be an airtight reason for avoiding jury duty in April: he was scheduled to be the presiding judge for the case. Even so, when Cutler contacted the jury summoning bureau to say, “It would be inappropriate, seeing I happened to be the judge and knew all the papers,” the bureau refused to excuse him, suggesting he could “apply to the resident judge.” Cutler eventually had to call to explain that he is the resident judge. He noted that he would have been happy to serve under other circumstances: “I would have liked to have done the jury service to see what it was like and whether I would have liked the judge,” he said.


A lock of Ludwig von Beethoven’s hair sold at auction for $45,000. Sotheby’s said the framed hair was given by Beethoven to a friend, pianist Anton Halm, as a gift for Halm’s wife almost 200 years ago. Reportedly, when Halm asked for the gift, a servant snipped some hair from a goat and presented it to Halm. Beethoven was incensed, saying, “You’ve been tricked. This is not my hair. It’s the hair of a goat.” He then cut a lock of hair from the back of his own head, wrapped it in paper and turned it over to Halm. A Sotheby’s expert confirmed that the auctioned hair was human.

Things You Can’t Do

— Firefighters arrived at an apartment complex in Inglewood, a suburb of Los Angeles, to find a 14-year-old girl trapped feet-first in a chimney. By removing some bricks, they were able to free her after about 20 minutes, and she was taken to a hospital to be evaluated. “A lot of people think it’s plausible to go ahead and get into your house or break into a house (through a chimney),” Brian Stevens, an inspector for the fire department said. “I can tell you that doesn’t seem to work out for most people.” 

— In Scotland, Zoe Archibald, 34, thought it would be fun to take a ride in a child’s Little Tikes red and yellow car. When she couldn’t get in the plastic car in the conventional way, she put it over her head and then got stuck. “There was no way she could get herself out,” her nephew, Matthew Shepherd-Bull, said. After being trapped for about an hour, her father finally cut her out of the toddler conveyance with a butter knife. “Everyone found it funny, even Zoe,” Shepherd-Bull said. “She was a bit panicked but mainly found it funny.”

Dangers Of Eating Bubbles

If you’re a fan of bubble tea, you may want to add it to your “all things in moderation” list. A 14-year-old girl in Zhejiang province in China went to the hospital after suffering from constipation for five days. Through a CT scan, doctors found unusual spherical shadows in her abdomen, which they suspected were undigested tapioca pearls from bubble tea. The girl reluctantly admitted to drinking one cup of bubble tea five days before. But doctors said her condition indicated she had consumed much more and prescribed laxatives. One doctor warned that the bubbles, or “boba,” are made of starch and are difficult to digest.

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