Leonard Olsen, 70, was arrested in Lakeland, Fla., for reckless driving after an off-duty sheriff’s deputy filmed him sitting on his sunroof while his Cadillac motored down the road at 40 mph. When Florida Highway Patrol troopers asked him about riding on his sunroof, Olsen said he “didn’t know about that. The car drives itself and has a gigantic computer in it. I thought it would be a nice way to praise God for a minute … and that’s what I did.” After his arrest, Olsen told officers he would rather be taken to jail than back to his wife, who “treats (him) like a servant.”
Birthday Girl Scorned
Georgia Michelle Zowacki of West Newton Borough, Pa., celebrated her 55th birthday by drinking vodka all day, according to her boyfriend, David Rae. They also went out to dinner to mark the occasion. But after they returned home, Zowacki became angry that there were no gifts or cards or a cake. “Next thing you know, I’m getting stabbed,” Rae told police. He said Zowacki came at him with a box cutter: “She went to my neck; she says, ‘I’m going to kill you.’” She ended up cutting his arm. Then she “destroyed” his bedroom, throwing his TV to the floor and breaking his bed. She was charged with aggravated assault and spent the rest of her birthday in jail.
Another Day at Walmart
— At around 8:30 pm on April 10, things got interesting at an Eau Claire, Wisc., Walmart. Lisa Smith entered the store with her unleashed dog, Bo. As Bo distracted shoppers and store staff, Smith pulled apart store displays, putting them in her cart. After being asked by workers to leave the store, Smith went out to the parking lot and started practicing karate moves. Bo grabbed a box of Jiffy Cornbread Muffin Mix and also attempted to leave the store. Meanwhile, Smith’s son, Benny Vann, 25, had made his way to the back of the store, where he completely undressed, exposing himself to other shoppers, and grabbed new clothes from store racks before attempting to run over police officers with his scooter. Smith was charged with disorderly conduct and resisting arrest. Vann racked up charges of lewd and lascivious behavior, disorderly conduct and retail theft. Bo, police said, received only a warning for his theft of the muffin mix.
— Crossville, Tenn., police officers pulled over Sally Selby at 5 am as she motored down Highway 127 driving a Walmart mobility scooter. She was on her way to the Waffle House, she said, to buy a cup of coffee. Selby initially told officers she had built the scooter. But Walmart confirmed it was one of theirs and had surveillance video of Selby driving the scooter out of the store to back up their story. She was arrested for theft.
Nude Driving Gone Wrong
A family in Newtown, Conn., returned home from a morning shopping trip to find Joseph Achenbach wandering around inside their home naked. The Watertown man had crashed his SUV in the homeowners’ backyard and moseyed inside through an unlocked glass door. Achenbach’s clothes could not be found at the scene, leading police to believe he was naked when he crashed. He was charged with second-degree criminal trespassing and driving while intoxicated.
When You Want To Hang At The CIA
On April 22, Jennifer G. Hernandez walked through the vehicle gate at CIA headquarters in Langley, Va., where she was stopped by a police officer. She explained that she had an interview in the complex. The officer discovered she had no official business there and told her to leave. On May 1, this time arriving in a Lyft vehicle, she again asked to see her recruiter. She was issued a written warning and directed to leave. On May 2, she came back in an Uber, telling officers she returned because the recruiter’s “phone was off.” On that day, officers inadvertently kept her North Carolina ID card, so on May 3, she came back to pick it up. Promising to leave by bus, Hernandez ultimately refused, telling an officer, “Do you really think I’m going to leave?” That’s when they’d had enough. Hernandez was arrested and charged with trespassing.
Enhancing The Skill Level
An employee of Candyland Park in Longwood, Fla., was surprised one evening when he spotted a man shooting hoops without a stitch of clothing on. Police responded to the 911 call and found Jordon Anderson, who said he was working on his game and “feels playing naked enhances his skill level.” Officers asked Anderson to put his clothes back on, which he did, but he was still charged with indecent exposure.
Assault With A Coconut
Shonta Bolds was arrested on and charged with aggravated assault with a deadly weapon after she threw a coconut at a man who was sitting on the porch of the VIP Gentleman’s Club in Key West, Fla. The man had started filming Bolds. This upset her, leading her to yell at him and call him names. Bolds admitted to throwing the coconut but noted “it did not hit him.” Police explained to Bolds that since she was outside of the club, she could have no expectation of privacy.
A Poor Job Of Hiding
A preschool student at St. Cyprian Children’s Center in Philadelphia arrived at school with a little something extra in his pocket: a baggie containing 22 plastic bags of crack cocaine. A teacher’s aide noticed the bulge in the five-year-old’s pocket and asked him to take the item out. He told her the person who had handed him the bag had asked him to hide it. Philadelphia police are investigating.
Unclear on the Concept
Jesse Barner-Walton of Webster, Mass., got a free ride from police after refusing to leave the Cadillac Ranch bar in Southington, Conn. As he sat in the back seat, he repeatedly called 911. Finally the officers pulled over to make him stop. He became uncooperative when officers tried to put handcuffs on. Barner-Walton was charged with misuse of the 911 system and interfering with an officer.
Whatever It Is, It’s Illegal Somewhere
Dog owners in China are advised to take great care when they name their pets. A dog breeder from Anhui Province named Ban was summoned by police after posting on social media that he had two new dogs named Chengguan and Xieguan — titles that are given to law enforcement personnel who deal with petty crimes and traffic issues. He was sentenced to 10 days in a detention center in Xiangyang. One police officer said Ban had “caused great harm to the nation and the city’s urban management, in terms of their feelings.” For his part, Ban said he “didn’t know this was illegal.”
Just Decline The Ticket
Ricci Barnett refused to stop when a police officer tried to pull her over for driving the wrong way down a one-way street in Las Cruces, N.M. When she paused at a red light, the officer showed her his badge, to which she replied, “I don’t think so,” and drove away. Barnett was eventually apprehended and charged with aggravated fleeing from a law enforcement officer and reckless driving.
Don’t Take A Man’s Fish
A man from Kapaa, Hawaii, will likely spend seven years in prison after going on a drug-fueled rampage in his former boss’ home. Forrest Broyles pleaded no contest to charges that he broke into the home to claim his fair share of the fish the two men had caught together. Broyles told Kauai police he was using the hallucinogenic concoction ayahuasca when he used a machete to break the glass front door of the home. He threatened the boss and his wife, saying he “was going to kill him and chop him up,” then attacked the house instead, hitting a television, breaking windows, a sliding glass door, kitchen cabinets, the stove and microwave and a canoe paddle, among other items, amounting to about $3,000 in damages. “That is what the whole incident was about,” Broyles told a detective at the scene. “He owes me choke ahi.” Broyles was on probation at the time (for allegedly threatening two people with scissors); he is scheduled for sentencing in August.