It’s Official

Brad Goins Thursday, March 2, 2017 Comments Off on It’s Official
It’s Official

It’s now official. Louisiana has the highest sales tax in the whole USA.

The good word comes from the Tax Foundation, which places Louisiana’s average sales tax at 9.98 percent.

Coming in half a cent lower, in the No. 2 spot, is Tennessee, at 9.46 percent. The third and fourth worst offenders are also in the South: Arkansas (9.3 percent) and Alabama (9 percent).

At No. 5, we head far out of the South for Washington, which notches an 8.92 sales tax. That’s especially interesting because the bordering state of Oregon charges no sales tax at all. If you think folks don’t drive south of Washington to buy their beer, gas and cigarettes, think again. Since metro Portland goes right up to the Washington border, it’s not a long trek at all — often just a matter of crossing a bridge.

As for tax-minded folk in Louisiana, those who pass into Mississippi will get a 3-percent break with that state’s 7-percent sales tax. That’s probably not enough to entice Lake Charles residents, but it might have some appeal to those near the eastern border of Louisiana.

The figures in this study come from each state’s sales tax plus the average of the state’s local sales tax rates.

Why does it matter if the figures come from an average of local taxes? Well, local taxes differ. Consider this: according to several online tax calculators, Lake Charles’ sales tax is 10.75 in the 70601 zip code and six other L.C. zip codes. According to The Sales Tax Handbook, as recently as June, 2015, L.C.’s sales tax was a flat 9 percent. The same source says the current 10.75 rate makes Lake Charles’ sales tax higher than that of 96 percent of Louisiana localities.

Want some good news? Three states — Oregon, New Hampshire and Delaware — charge no sales tax at all, either state or local. That means that in these nasty liberal Yankee states, you never have to be annoyed by those prices that end in .99.

Now, as for the upcoming special session of the Legislature, Gov. Edwards is supportive of the idea of increases in fees, but is not backing tax increases. Many people, myself included, consider state fees to be the equivalent of state taxes. But fees and taxes aren’t the same in technical and legal terms.

So, enjoy your top-of-the-heap sales tax. And if you’re poor and that tax is really putting a hurt on you, remember: it’s what makes Louisiana No. 1.

How Many, Do Ya Reckon?

On Feb. 3, it was announced that David Vitter had joined a Washington, D.C., lobbying firm. How many people do you think collected on bets that day?

I see two positives in Vitter’s move. One, when he’s in Washington, D.C., he can’t be in Louisiana. Two, he’s going to Washington, D.C., at the one time in history when he won’t be considered the ethical problem there.

N.O. Photography Round-Up

The bizarre, grotesque and sometimes elegant photography of Peter Joel Witkin will be shown at A Gallery for Fine Photography at 241 Chartres St. through March 10 (www.agallery.com).

Clarence John Laughlin is another American photographer whose work is often eerie and unsettling (although not nearly as far out as Witkin’s). You can see his work at the Williams Research Center at 410 Chartres St. through March 25 (www.hnoc.org).

Laughlin has been called both “Louisiana’s surrealist photographer” and “the father of American surrealist photography.”

He was born in Lake Charles way back in 1905. Five years later, when his family’s rice farm went bust, Laughlin and the rest of the family relocated to New Orleans. He died in that city in 1985.

‘My Focus Is Laser-Direct’

Jefferson Parish President Mike Yenni and Parish Council Chairman Chris Roberts got into a nasty (and loud) argument during a public meeting in Elmwood recently. Roberts is particularly mad about Yenni’s controversial email to a 17-year-old male that contained strong sexual language. (Others are also mad; a “Recall Yenni” campaign is underway.)

Is the best defense a strong offense? Well, let’s see what Yenni had to say about his nemesis:

“Chris Roberts is an obstructionist who could potentially cost this parish millions of dollars due to his temper, conniving ways and vengeance. It’s time for him to be unmasked and unseated. In the many years I served the public, I’ve never experienced a more retaliatory, dishonest or deceitful politician …”

Surely the cartoon rooster Foghorn Leghorn must have accused a barnyard fox of “conniving ways” at some point in the past. You may have to take an Old South Dictionary to a Jefferson Parish Council Meeting to get the most out of it.

You might think it’s OK to make all sorts of accusations about someone who gets caught writing a sexual message to a 17-year-old. But apparently, there are limits about the sorts of accusations that it’s tasteful to make. To be precise, said Yenni, Roberts’ “accusations against [him] are extreme and patently false.” I wonder whether the accusations would still be “extreme” if they were “patently true.”

And Yenni said more: “I have apologized time and time again for my actions … I’m sorry, I’m tired of being ambushed. But I guess, in some ways, it’s my fault.” This explanation is just a tad weak. The problem is, a lot of people are going to think that if a guy sends a sexually explicit message to a 17-year-old, it’s his fault in all ways.

Not content to have at his disposal the smoking gun of a nasty letter to a minor, Roberts wondered whether it was kosher for the parish’s Council on Aging to host a banquet at Kenner’s Chateau Country Club. After all, the club is managed — not owned, but managed — by Yenni’s wife. This wouldn’t be a Louisiana political argument if there were a single fistful of mud left unthrown.

While Yenni is said to have sent the nasty text to a 17-year-old, Roberts is accused of sending his own dirty message — to Parish Councilwoman Jennifer Van Vrancken, who said she found some sexual references in his note “lewd and crass” and added that its overall tone was threatening.

Next, we come to the finances. Now, don’t get lost here. Follow me. Closely. Yenni referred to $5,000 worth of unpaid fines imposed on Roberts by the state Ethics Board for campaign finance reports filed late. In fact, it turns out Roberts owes the board another $8,600 in fines for sloppy financial reporting.

Now get this — Roberts says he’ll pay all the fines as soon as the property settlement from his divorce is final. I’m not sure why, but that makes me think of the old Wimpy line in Popeye: “I’ll gladly pay you Tuesday for a hamburger today.”

Yenni went on: “He’s ignored IRS deadlines … and he does it without shame or remorse.” Well, you know, not everybody is down with IRS shaming.

Roberts and Yenni agree that the former carried a debt of $186,000 to a construction company for a decade. He says he’s now making payments on the debt. Whatever else you may say about Roberts, he seems to have an admirable don’t-give-damn attitude about the Ps and Qs of financial matters. In Louisiana, we call that kind of attitude “laid back.”

Yennie says Roberts tried “to impair my ability to govern. But he has failed, and he will continue to fail because my focus is laser-direct on accomplishing the goals of this administration and parish.” Well, my focus is laser-direct on using my mad objectivity and realism skills to defeat your Star Wars rhetoric.

Wow! So, who’s winning the game between these two? Maybe it’ll help to look at the stats:

OFFICIAL SCORECARD

Points against Roberts:

— Has “conniving ways.”

— Gets financial reports in late.

— Can’t be shamed by the IRS.

— Put “lewd and crass” language in letter to someone over 17.

Points against Yenni:

— Uses purple prose.

— Thinks Roberts is wearing a mask.

— Put “lewd and crass” language in letter to someone aged 17.

— Has lame explanation.

That leaves us tied 4-4. We need more stats.

PERSONAL FOULS

Yenni: Bombast: -50 yards; hyperbole: -25 yards.

Roberts: Vitriol: -25 yards; exaggeration: -25 yards.

Both: Excessive clichés: -25 yards.

GAME SUMMARY

Both players have made some sloppy ethics moves on the field. Roberts has been plagued by a weak accusations game, while Yenni’s embarrassing fumbling of an apology was extremely costly. Yenni’s foul against a minor will be an insurmountable handicap, allowing Roberts to emerge victorious in this close, hard-fought contest.

The information in this story comes from the Advocate, which damn near wrote a book on the incident. I can’t deny it contains loads of comedic material.

How Worms Work

The other day, I got a fascinating email that bore the CNN logo at the top. What did CNN have to tell me? Prepare yourself for this startling headline:

“Trump’s Supreme Court Pick’s All-Out War On Male-Enhancement Pills”

You’d think it would be hard to follow that headline with another that’s just as startling; but this writer was up to the task.

“He Has Warned He Will Ban Them!” You’ve got to give the scam artist who wrote all this credit for having a sense of humor.

At the bottom of the otherwise drab-looking message, there was a big bright blue box that contained this message: GRAB YOUR SAMPLE HERE. As an added incentive to click the box, a small message beneath it read, “ONLY TODAY ‘AT NO COST.’” The fact that “at no cost” was in marks made me think that in fact there was a cost. And there would have been one if I’d clicked the blue box.

At about the same time, I got a second email. This one bore the FOX NEWS logo. The message wasn’t much for headlines. But the “news” story crackled with excitement:

“Hilary has one final secret hiding place up the sleeves of her ugly pantsuit jacket … There’s now proof on video that she DID rig the entire 2016 election and failed [no period] Now, she wants her revenge … Watch the uncensored video here. (Warning: The following information you’re about to see is disturbing, but has been confirmed.)”

When an unknown person from an unknown source says on the Internet that something has “been confirmed,” that’s always powerful evidence.

Under this story was a big bright red box that contained the message “READ FULL STORY HERE.”

OK. Here are a few basic points.

If I had clicked either the blue or red box, I would have been in grave danger of putting a worm or virus into my computer.

Next point … CNN or FOX NEWS (or any other major news outlet) will never send me an email unless I ask for one. If something on your email is from an unfamiliar source and looks even a tiny bit suspicious, mark it as spam.

In recent weeks, I’ve had two people tell me they got into computer trouble because they accidentally clicked a link to a porno site (one of the two being the character Pam in The Office). If you ever find your internet screen taken over by a big, scary-looking message that says something like:

WARNING: THE FBI HAS DETERMINED THAT YOU HAVE VISITED ILLEGAL SITES. PAY $500 NOW OR FACE ARREST.

Or:

STOP! YOU MUST INSTALL MAC CLEANER IF YOU WISH TO KEEP USING YOUR COMPUTER. FAILURE TO DO SO WILL DESTROY YOUR HARD DRIVE.

Here’s what you want to do — immediately shut down your computer. If the scary message you got has frozen your finder so that you can’t shut down your computer, immediately turn off all power to the machine. If there’s a reserve battery that keeps it running, remove the battery.

After the computer has been without power for at least five minutes, fire it back up. With luck, the scary message will be gone and you can proceed as usual. If something else happens, you’ll be taking your machine to your friendly neighborhood tech.

Bottom line: if it seems weird or out of place or it doesn’t make sense, don’t look at it and don’t click it.

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