Hey, Whar Do We Put Dis?

Pierre Sez Thursday, December 15, 2016 Comments Off on Hey, Whar Do We Put Dis?
Hey, Whar Do We Put Dis?

 *** Hey, dis is Pierre’s brudder-in-law Alfonse. I’m still fillin in for Pierre while he’s recuperatin like a boss from a recent surgery. Get well soon!

When a company called Gum Island Resources wanted to put a landfill in Vinton, a buncha people dar got de choo rouge and sed, “Mais no, mes amis!”

De Calcasieu Parish Planning and Zoning Board got an earful. One feller from Vinton said, “How can you look your kids in the eye and say tonight we went home and we passed a 520-acre landfill on I-10 in Calcasieu Parish?”

De board voted down de landfill unanimously.

Dis reminds me uf de arguments we been havin’ about worker camps. Nobody wants a worker camp in dar neighborhood, town or city. But all de experts tell us we must have de camps somewhere. So who’s gonna take ‘em?

It’s de same wit trash. One board member wondered whedder Vinton or de parish might have to pay to take de trash to anudder parish or to Texas.

We all know de trash has gotta go somewhere. You don’t want it? Fine, whar do you want it to go? We know sendin it out into de ocean don’t work too well. We sure ain’t got no way to send it up into de air.

Dar’s one big difference between de worker camps an’ de landfill. We tink we need de worker camps cause de big wigs tell us we do. But we know we need de landfill cause we know how much trash we make.

One day some parent may say to his child, “How can I look you in the eye and say tonight we went home and we passed a 520-acre landfill on I-10 in Calcasieu Parish?” An’ de child may look de parent in de eye an’ say, “How come you make as much trash as you do?” Stranger tings have happened.

Fish Advisory Shouldn’t Hurt Us

A few days back, tree different departments uf state gubment issued an advisory about eatin certain kinds of seafood dat are caught in de Bayou D’Inde or de Calcasieu Ship Channel. De seafood dat folks ain’t supposed to eat haz high levels uf unhealthy chemicals in dem.

Folks who run some uf de local seafood restaurants dat have been around for a while are a little confused about de new warnins. Day say dese very same advisories were made way back in de ‘80s. An’ anyway, day don’t get any of dar seafood from de two places in question.

Just in case you do have some reason to get seafood from Bayou D’Inde or de Calcasieu Ship Channel, de advisory says not to eat any catfish from dese places or any fat in any crabs caught in dem. An’ folks shouldn’t eat any kind of fish or seafood from dese areas more dan twice a month. But again, dese warnins have been around a long time.

It’s Eider Free Or It Ain’t

Turns out dat for some students, gettin a day off from wearin de school uniform iz a big deal. Dese days off iz called “free dress days.” On dese days, students get to wear what day like to school.

Recently, students in Calcasieu Parish got a free dress day, but only if dar parents didn’t owe any money to dar kid’s school. Turns out dar wuz some confusion about de matter. KPLC reported dat one girl showed up at her school and wuz told she would have to go home an’ change her clothes. She wuz real young an’ talked like she wuz real embarrassed. I can understan dat.

Sounds like some uf de parents feel like de schools is tryin to strong-arm dem into payin. KPLC quoted one parent az sayin, “You have hundreds of dollars worth of supplies you have to pay for, and then you have to turn around and pay fees, and then your kids want free dress, and you have to say, ‘Baby, I’m sorry. I can’t afford that.’ You’re constantly telling your kids, ‘I can’t afford it.’”

De school boad sent a statement to KPLC about de policy; it sed, “The Calcasieu Parish School Board is committed to providing each student in our district with a free an appropriate education as required by law. On the other hand ‘free and appropriate’ does not mean that every activity or program a student chooses to participate in will be free. Calcasieu Parish Schools will continue to provide these services, and will work respectfully and patiently with parents to reconcile any debts incurred.”

Ain’t dat just like a bureaucrat talkin? Day say it’s free, den day say it ain’t free. Me, I say, eider it’s free or it ain’t. If you don’t have to pay for it, it’s free. If you have to pay for it, it ain’t free.

An none of dis iz to mention dat de whole idea of havin to pay money to wear clothes iz gonna sound at least a little odd no matter how you cut it.

If somebody tells me I can go to a free crawfish boil, an I drive all de way across town to get dar, and when I get dar, somebody tells me I gotta pay $50 for de free dinner, I ain’t sure I’m gonna have 50 bucks’ worth uf appetite.

Who’s Eatin’ All Dis Sushi?

I noticed de udder day dat Lake Charles just got its 10,000th sushi restaurant. I mean by dat de number uf sushi restaurants in dis small deep south town must be up to a dozen by now. An az far az I can tell, dar all thrivin — or at least doin well enough to get by. Dis new one iz across de street from de Prien Lake Mall.

Day may serve real good tastin’ food. Probably do. But me, I’m still tryin to wrap my head aroun de idea dat Lake Charles haz even one sushi restaurant, much less a dozen. For mos de people I know around here, adventurous eatin means takin a chance on a new kind of Louisiana hot sauce. For a buncha my frans, if it ain’t deep-fried; an it ain’t seafood, fish, chicken or beef; it’s weird food. Mos is like T-Claude, who sez his chicken tenders are exotic cause day come wit a honey mustard sauce. He sez he don’t see how day can mix together de mustard an’ de honey. Some days T-Claude is smart; some days not so much.

I remember years ago, when somebody opened a Szechuan place, an my checkers fran Henri called it de “Sez-a-choon place.” I couldn’t get him to go wit me. He said, “I don’t like dat weird food.” I finally got Lefty to go by promisin to pay for hiz beer. He didn’t even care dat de beer wuz Chinese.

Anyway, I’m obviously missin’ somethin’, cause somebody around here’s eatin some sushi. I got to admit, I love de green sushi paste day call “wasabi.” I figure about a 10th of an ounce of wasabi equals a whole habanero pepper. Every time I go down to Houston to see my contractor friend Eddie, we go by Spec’s Select and pick up de big containers uf Wasabi Peas. Eatin a few of dese is like eatin a mouthful of fire, de only difference bein fire ain’t crunchy.

Somethin’ else worth notin’ — people here love soft shell crab. An’ de Japanese chefs put soft shell crab in dar spider roll. In some uf de rolls, de crab legs stick right out.

I’ve been to some uf dese sushi places, and de food is always fine. But dar’s no way I can make it to dis many. Az good az de food is, I don’t tink it’s any better dan what day’ve served at Miyako’s for however many years day been open. I always liked Miyako’s cause I taught it wuz nice an’ quiet and had a relaxed atmosphere. It wuz easy to have a conversation dar. Maybe some uf dese new places are just de same way.

Anyway, our love and support of such truly exotic cuisines az sushi and Lebanese food iz two tings we can be proud uf.

Fools Rush In …

Me, I tink dat afta dis big presidential election, anybody who puts any faith in de predictions uf talkin heads an pollsters iz a fool. Dat sounds about right, cause I imagine de politicians will keep lookin at dose polls first ting when day get out uf bed in de mornin.

But I gotta feelin dat about 50 million people swore off polls for good in November. I axed T-Claude what he taught uf de polls, an’ he sed, “Poll dis rat cheer.” I feel sorry for de pollster who haz to ax him somethin’.

Deep Taughts While Hammerin My Flat Screen To De Wall

10. Aside from high school football, what are SWLA fans gonna watch durin de


9. Will people keep hirin dose Baton Rouge pollsters even if day predict de

elections wrong?

8. Speakin uf polls, do dem polls have John Kennedy wid a lock on de Senate race?

7. An’ if so, iz Kennedy’s lock better dan Hillary’s wuz?

6. How come everybody watches de same Christmas specials I watched when

I was a kid?

5. How come folks don’t get sad when Frosty de Snowman melts?

4. How come Tina Marie gives me de drumstick every time we have a turkey

for Christmas?

3. Iz it against tradition if I have fish tacos instead uf turkey for Christmas?

2. If I gotta present shaped like a ceegar box, can I be sure it haz ceegars in it?

1. Iz it OK for somebody Lefty’s age to still believe in Santy Clause?

 Final Shot

Lefty told me he wuz upset cause dis Christmas dar wuzn’t gonna be no movie about a hobbit.

“A what bit?” I sed.

“A hobbit!” he sed. “You know. A really short little fella wit big hairy feet and gigantic pointy ears.”

I tink it’s time for Lefty to put down de bottle if he tinks people have started makin movies about his relatives.

‘Til next time, lache pas la patate.

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