I wonder if Hitler had a guardian angel.
Do pessimists have negative blood? Ever wonder what was the best thing before sliced bread? And who put the “s” in lisp?
I wonder who invented the wheel…and who invented bread. I wonder if we can still wear blue jeans in heaven.
I wonder what America would be like if having a balanced budget had been written into the Constitution.
What would we call mockingbirds if they only sang one song?
I wonder about race relations in America. I was one of those, the day Obama won the first election, thinking, Well, that settles that.
If a snowball lives a bad life, does it still melt in hell?
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Wonder is The Beginning Of Wisdom. Socrates.
Don’t we all wonder how they make Teflon stick to the pan and why they don’t make the whole airplane out of what they make the little black box?
And why do I have nipples?
I wonder why God lets us be parents when we’re barely adults?
Why does monosyllabic have so many syllables? And I wonder if there’s another word for ‘thesaurus’ in a thesaurus.
I wonder who will be the last surviving Rolling Stone. And I wonder if young people realize how far music has fallen.
I wonder if one day the world will mourn the passing of the last person who could write cursive.
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I Wonder if God Wonders
I wonder if God cries. Speaking of: how exactly, do you mend a broken heart?
I wonder how many times I camethisclose without knowing.
I wonder if there is slang in heaven. In just a few decades “Cool” has evolved to Hot, Smokin’, Chill, Ice, Chillaxin, Cold, Stone Cold, Frozatious and I’d be curious how far it could go with an entire eternity. ((By the way, I just made up Frozatious.) I was going to save it for heaven, but just in case…)
What is the unpardonable sin? And did Hitler get there? Or is it something else?
I wonder what our reaction would be if one day they found life on another planet.
I wonder what it’s like to be an atheist on hospice.
How different might we each be…if we hadn’t had our one big flaw?
I wonder if God toyed with having an 11th Commandment. I bet it would have been Thou Shalt Use Common Sense, but then maybe He figured, What’s the use…
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A Mind Is A Terrible
Thing to Waste
Why do I always think of what-I-should-have-said when it’s too late to say?
I wonder what it would be like to be a black American. I wonder if one of them wonders what it would be like to be me. And I wonder if we’d both end up thinking Not-at-all-what-I-thought.
If I had a chance to make one apology to my parents I wonder if I’d pick the one that would mean the most to them.
I wonder what America will be like when marijuana is nationally legal.
I wonder if the Founding Fathers are rolling over in their graves that we’ve come to this.
I wonder who first ate cottage cheese, or an oyster. And who, may I ask, first let a tarantula walk across their hand?
Are geniuses twice as smart, or does 10% make that much difference?
If we evolved from monkeys, why do we still have monkeys?
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Why don’t grapes actually taste like grape flavoring? And why wasn’t quicksand named slowsand? And what do you say if God sneezes?
You ever wonder if we yawn in our sleep? What if cemeteries raised their prices and blamed it on Cost of Living? And why isn’t there a speed of smell?
Why didn’t Noah do us a favor with the two mosquitoes?
I wonder why we Americans cuss so much. We went from only-trashy-people-do to just-about-everyone-does, in just a few decades.
Why does my dog hate it when I blow in her face…but loves sticking her head out the window doing interstate speed?
Do comedians have funny dreams?
Who coined the phrase “coined the phrase”?
How would you treat someone who is addicted to counseling?
What was Jesus’ fondest childhood memory?
What do the Chinese call their good dinner china?
I wonder how many times people know what I mean when I say ‘Know what I mean?’
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This edition of Uncle P’s Bedtime Stories is brought to you by Eighty-one, where we think part of the problem with adults is that they quit asking childlike questions. Uncle P’s Bedtime Stories are found on the Eighty-one Facebook page. He can be reached at 81creativity@gmail.com.
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