Zombielike

Dale Archer, M.D. Tuesday, July 12, 2016 Comments Off on Zombielike
Zombielike

Dear Dr. Archer,

Recently I took a college semester off due to a nervous breakdown. I felt like my life was slipping away from me. I couldn’t keep up with myself, a social life or my studies.

Then I realized this is life. There must be a balance between friends, play and work.

I’ve always worked so I can have money to spend without asking my mom. I’ve always been very independent, never asking her for anything.

I’ve also always had a twinge of loneliness, but now that has turned into feeling worthless and helpless.

I have a fear of being homeless and poor because of my lack of communication and motivation with those around me. Sometimes I feel like a walking zombie with nothing to look forward to. I easily get frustrated, and on days like that I give up easily. I always plan to go here or there with a friend, but I don’t do that anymore, because I can’t keep up.

My brothers and sisters enjoy the simplest of things, yet I can’t keep up a normal conversation with my mom.

When I’m asked who I am, I write a list of negatives because I don’t feel anything special. My self-esteem and self-worth are so low. I can’t even get the simplest of jobs.

I constantly forget things, lose things and take forever to do anything. I hate shopping, because it takes forever and I don’t even know what I like anymore. Hobbies or interest? I don’t have any. I feel like all I do is eat whatever mom cooks and feel guilty about everything. I don’t talk to my friends and don’t help mom. I don’t even help myself.

It’s like I’m ashamed to be seen in public. I feel invisible. I’m surrounded by people who love me, yet even though I try to love myself and life, I fail. I think and try to do something, but it’s such an effort! Please help.

Jessica

 

Dear Jessica,

You’re describing depression, which is exactly what a nervous breakdown is. Clearly, you’re not recovered from this. Your quote, “I feel like a walking zombie” is telling.

After Gwyneth Paltrow gave birth to her son, she suffered from post-partum depression. Publicly, she described this as, “I felt like a zombie” — thus the pop culture description was born. Later, in a People magazine article, skier Lindsay Vonn described her depression in these terms: “I couldn’t get out of bed anymore. I felt hopeless and empty, like a zombie.”

It’s not uncommon for someone to have a “breakdown,” get treated and then expect everything to return to normal. It can take many months for things to get back on track.

Go back to the doctor who treated you, and tell him what you told me. I suspect you need further treatment and possibly medication for up to a year (or more) to recover. Do this now; the longer this condition continues, the harder it will be to treat. Good luck.

Dr. Archer

 

Dear Dr. Archer,

My boyfriend and I have been happily dating for two years. We’re both in college and are deeply in love. The only thing we do not share is our faith. He is Muslim and I am Christian.

Neither of us are strong in our faith or practicing, but his family is very religious. They are from Ethiopia. They’ve been living in the U.S. for some time now, but a few members of his family have addressed their distaste that he’s dating someone who is non-Muslim.

I’m not a naive girl and I know what I’m up against. I don’t want him to have to choose between his family and me. I am upset, however, that it could come to this, even though we’re in a committed relationship and only want to be together.

Quite recently, we had a sit down and a serious discussion about the matter of the few members in his family who disagree with our relationship. He came to the conclusion that he wanted to be with me and they would just have to accept that.

My heart is still cautious, because whenever he goes home to his family or hangs out with them for an extended period, he comes back a different person for a day or two. He becomes guarded and almost seems ashamed. This may not be the case; he promises me it’s not. But, I have my doubts.

I don’t want to restrict him from his faith, but his family considers me a “sin” and that hurts. He claims he wants to be a better Muslim. He doesn’t pray, drinks, gambles, smokes and doesn’t attend mosque.

Why must color and religion be of so much importance? I just want my man.

Rebeckah

 

Dear Rebeckah,

Race and religion have been the cause of wars since the beginning of time. Why? Fear of the unknown, different traditions, the inability to see another’s point of view, hate, misunderstanding and prejudice. Things are slowly getting better, but we still have a long way to go.

Young adults today have many more friends from diverse racial and religious backgrounds than in past generations. Along with that come relationships that are culturally diverse. It’s estimated that in the U.S., there are 4.5 million interracial couples and this number is rapidly increasing.

I’m assuming the problem here is only with his family since you don’t mention yours. He may have made the choice to forgo what his family wishes. But after spending time with them, he’s different: guarded and feels ashamed. This is a red flag, and you’re smart to observe it.

The key is to relax. There’s no rush. The longer the two of you go out, the more clarity will be revealed. No partner will make you feel good all the time. That’s unreasonable. But the right mate will be respectful, positive, selfless and proud to have you with him — at all times.

The best thing you can both do now is talk, talk, talk and get everything out in the open. Then, take your time and see how it goes. You’ll get your answer.

Dr. Archer

 

Dr. Dale Archer is a board-certified psychiatrist who founded the Institute for Neuropsychiatry in Southwest Louisiana. He is a frequent guest on Fox News, CNN Headline News and other national TV programs, and the author of The ADHD Advantage and the New York Times’ bestselling book Better than Normal. Visit him at DrDaleArcher.com.

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