Dear Dr. Archer,
I’m a 27-year-old female, and I think I may have some mental issues. I’m a sociable, God-fearing person. I’m not brilliant, but with plenty of effort, I’ve done well in school. I have two degrees, and am finishing my third.
My problem is that recently I’ve gotten lazy — extremely lazy — and it’s becoming almost impossible to finish what I start. I get bored very, very easily. I’m afraid I might lose interest in people, or even life itself, and may commit suicide.
My other frustration is my extreme calculative behavior about the future. For instance, I worry about the probability of giving birth to an unhealthy child. I’m not pregnant, nor do I plan to be in the near future. I feel responsible for everything, like I have to do everything for everyone in need that is around me. I worry about my brothers and sisters. In fact, I’m concerned with everyone else except myself.
I think I’m going crazy. Is this normal? Please help me.
Meckie
Dear Meckie,
No, this is not normal. If you ever consider ending your life, you must go to the nearest hospital ER and get help. This is a temporary problem; so don’t consider a permanent solution.
Though I can’t make an accurate diagnosis via the Internet, it sounds like you are depressed. If this is truly the case, you need treatment. We all have our moments of sadness, but clinical depression is a severe illness.
My advice is to seek out a therapist and talk, talk, talk. Hopefully, therapy alone is enough, but meds may be needed, as well. If so, the therapist can refer you to a doctor.
The anxiety, worry, procrastination and laziness are all symptoms of depression, so you can judge the effectiveness of treatment by whether these symptoms are getting better. You do not have to live like this; help is available. Make an appointment with a therapist, and start getting better.
Dear Dr. Archer,
My husband and I have been married for four years. I’m a recovering addict; my drug of choice was crack cocaine.
My husband and I have started smoking weed and taking pills — Loreset and Percocet. I want to stop, and have been trying for several months, but I can’t do it, especially the weed. My husband doesn’t want to stop. In fact, he refuses to ever stop smoking marijuana.
I’ve made several poor choices that have been detrimental to my life, and my children’s lives. My husband has not held a job since we’ve been together, and I feel like I’m enabling him. He smokes several times a day, and when I try to talk to him about how it’s affecting our lives, it always turns into a fight. Sometimes, he will compromise, but that usually lasts only a week.
I love my husband, but I don’t like the road we are traveling. I’m lost! He went to a friend’s house today to smoke. When he returned, I told him again I wanted him to stop smoking, and he said he wanted me to stop trying to control him. He says it’s his life, and he’ll smoke as long as he wants, but he just won’t smoke at home. So, what? Now he just won’t be home, because he’s hanging out with delinquent friends.
I’m resentful, and am beginning to realize our relationship is poisonous — and it’s affecting our children. How can I bring about change? The children are beginning to have behavioral issues, and I’m no longer certain how to handle it. Please help!
Connie
Dear Connie,
There are several things you have to do to get your life back on track, not only for you, but also for your children. You’re an addict, but it’s time to stop feeding the addiction. The following suggestions will not be easy, but they’re necessary.
Stop smoking marijuana and swallowing Loreset and Percocet. I understand it’s difficult — that’s what addiction is. Whether it’s pain pills, marijuana, porn, gambling or even junk food, addiction is about loss of control.
To stop smoking, find a local chapter of Marijuana Anonymous near you. Take the first step, and attend a meeting. You cannot control your husband’s behavior, but you certainly can control yours.
You say your past actions have been detrimental to your children, but at least you realize it’s not too late to turn things around. Those past actions have hurt your children, and are most likely the cause of their present behavior. Aren’t they worth the effort?
Now, about your husband. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know you love him, but look what his actions are doing to the family. He doesn’t work. He’s dead weight, and he’s spending money on getting high instead of supporting the kids.
Make him put his money where his mouth is. Either he starts contributing to the family, or he’s out. Either he starts acting like a responsible father, or he’s out. Either he gives up the drugs, or he’s out. Am I making myself clear?
If you want to make a change, and get a handle on things, then you’ve got to get tough — and mean it.
Talk is cheap. Actions speak louder than words, so put your words into action. If your husband refuses to pull his own weight, kick him out, and get an attorney. Have the courts set child support; after all, these are his children too, and if he doesn’t assume the responsibility for raising them, then the courts will make him. It is his duty, and their right. If you do this now, before they get older, you will save years of heartache.
Please heed my advice. Do not remain in a stagnant environment because of fear of the unknown. Get the help you need to overcome your addiction, first, then start on the husband. Remember: “If you are going to recover, you have to want it.” Make some changes in your life, and watch the circumstances change. You will never regret it. Good luck!
Dr. Dale Archer is a board certified psychiatrist who founded the Institute for Neuropsychiatry in Southwest Louisiana. He is a frequent guest on Fox News, CNN Headline News and other national TV programs, and the author of The ADHD Advantage and the New York Times’ bestselling book Better than Normal. Visit him at DrDaleArcher.com.
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