PAINFUL LIVING

Dear Dr. Archer,

I live with Complex Regional Pain Syndrome, a painful neurological disease. I truly hate it when I cannot live up to my own positive advice.

Maria

Dear Maria,

CRPS is a chronic pain condition due to an injury. CRPS, unfortunately, may get worse over time, and usually affects one of the arms or legs. It also affects the color and temperature of the skin, and includes burning, sweating, swelling and sensitivity. The cause for CRPS is unknown.

Though there is no cure — yet, researchers at the National Institute of Neurological Disorders and Stroke are conducting research as to different ways to treat CRPS, to give men and women like you some much-needed relief.

Martin Luther King, Jr., said, “We must accept finite disappointment, but never lose infinite hope.” Presently, antidepressants, anti-inflammatories, and an array of opioids are prescribed to bring relief. It’s not a cure, but it’s the best we have. I know it’s difficult, but I urge you to never give up the power of hope.

Check out the NINDS website. You will find a patient recruitment for studies listing. Depending on where you live, you might qualify to join a study. If you qualify, then transportation, evaluation and therapies are free. Take a look today. I sincerely wish you well.

Dear Dr. Archer,

My fiancée and I have been together for two years, and are about to have our first baby. We are happy with each other, but I’m worried about our future, because she’s so independent. 

She doesn’t take my help when I offer it, no matter the situation. This includes emotional talks, finances, or buying a home. She will ask me what I think about things, and then turn around and do her own thing.

It causes stress for both of us, and I don’t know how to handle it.

Mike

Dear Mike,

The one thing I always say is if there’s a behavior you don’t like before you get married, get it out in the open, and find a solution before you tie the knot. Otherwise, the behavior will not only continue; it will usually escalate after marriage.

Being independent is not a bad thing. Being unable to compromise is. This is of the utmost importance, especially when it comes to money and finances. The two of you need to learn how to talk, listen and respect each other’s viewpoint for this relationship to work long-term.

Some pointers: First, never assume anything. Talk, talk, talk to your fiancée, and never hesitate to ask questions if you don’t understand her view.

Next, never forget how important it is to listen, listen and listen to her. If you do not agree on something, then both of you need to offer suggestions for a compromise.

Of course, this is a two way street. She needs to do the same for you, as you do for her — it’s the art of compromise. It’s the only way to create a balance you can both live with and that will let you avoid becoming resentful, which is where you are now.

You are well within your rights to be concerned. This has the potential to become a very big problem later, if not rectified now.

Talk to her. If it helps, let her read your letter, and my response. Be sure she knows exactly how you feel. Work on finding a solution that you both can live with, and do not get married until you do so. I wish you both success.

Dr. Dale Archer is a board certified psychiatrist who founded the Institute for Neuropsychiatry in Southwest Louisiana. He is a frequent guest on Fox News, CNN Headline News and other national TV programs, and is the author of The ADHD Advantage and the New York Times bestselling book Better than Normal. Visit him at DrDaleArcher.com.