The fact that I’ve written about state Treasurer John Kennedy in two consecutive Up Fronts doesn’t mean I’m going to support his candidacy for whatever post he eventually runs for. It just means the writing in his blanket emails has gotten tighter.
His latest email was about what they’re all about: cutting state spending. But he tucked quite a few funnies into an expose of one of his targets: an organization called Alternatives Living, which may have been turning some of its state funding into funny money.
What’s funny is the examples Kennedy gives. In a single day, Feb. 14, 2013, Alternatives Living CFO Rickey Robertson dropped $155 at Redfish Grill and another $216 at Ruth’s Chris Steakhouse. That’s less than $200 a meal.
Also funded by the taxpayer dime were a $540-a-month rental Mercedes, a trip to Las Vegas and various and sundry cruises.
And we ain’t done. Company executives, some of whom are relatives, spent $23,000 on Hornets tickets. But that’s not really all that bad when you take into account that they spent $37,000 in New Orleans restaurants.
Natch, some of that gubment money pretty much had to go to internet shopping, right? Sure enough, some shopping trips to Amazon wound up on the taxpayer dole.
Kennedy says the data was provided by a New Orleans’ FOX 8 TV story, which also reported that “the IRS is demanding $1.3 million in payroll taxes, penalties and interest” from Alternatives Living.
Kennedy says that the New Orleans organization “supposedly exists to help people living with disabilities.” I think they might also help their website download. And a little site maintenance wouldn’t hurt. When I clicked the “News” link, I got: “Coming Soon.”
It’s not easy to help those in need. Sometimes you don’t get your really knock-out helping idea until you’re in the middle of your fourth vodka martini.
Also On The Gravy Train …
It’s a little funny that very different kinds of people can wind up doing and saying exactly the same thing. A few days after Kennedy’s email went out, I got an email from the Louisiana Budget Project, which isn’t in Kennedy’s political lane.
Now, the Louisiana Budget Project reported that as part of Louisiana’s tax breaks for filmmakers, when Green Lantern was being made here, the state wound up paying for Matt Dillon’s massages and health club membership.
I don’t know if I quite agree with that. It seems to me that going to a health club kind of defeats the whole point of getting a massage.
Don’t tell Kennedy, but for years now, the state’s been paying for my manicures, straight razor shaves and mudpacks. I guess the idea is that I write positive things about the state and tourists come into Louisiana in droves. And that’s just how it’s happened. I think the state has gotten its money’s worth and then some.
RIP Mark Strand
On Nov. 29, poet Mark Strand died in Brooklyn at age 70.
Strand was the first poet I really went nuts about. I encountered his work when I was in high school and took my poetry where I could find it. It was a big deal for me to go to the Chattanooga Public Library once a week and see if there was a new copy of Poetry magazine. It was in Poetry that I encountered Strand’s long, mysterious poem “The Untelling,” probably in about 1976. Ever since, I’ve been a great fan of Strand’s lyrical explorations of the unsettling, the eerie, the unknown and the unknowable.
I was a bit disappointed to see how little media coverage there was of Strand’s death, given that he had been the Poet Laureate of the U.S. and had won a Pulitzer Prize.
At right is my favorite short poem by Strand.
Goodbye, Mr. Strand. Thank you for helping me get through high school — and all the rest of it.
What Do People Like To See?
The latest chapter in the “there’s no racism in Lake Charles” saga comes from the crowd of white people all over town who’ve been saying to me words similar to these: “Oh, I’m so sick of seeing all these stories about the blacks and the police. I’ve just about quit watching the news.”
Part of me feels like saying, “Well, maybe when a guy’s saying, ‘I can’t breathe,’ it’s time to stop choking him.”
But another, stronger, part of me feels like saying, “That’s not really the point is it? The point is, we don’t have any racism here. And thank goodness for that. Can you imagine what could happen if we did have racism here? Hoo wee! That could be bad! We have so much to be thankful for.”
But is there any element of race at all in the comments of the disgruntled white Lake Charles news watchers? I don’t think so. I think they just understand media. They know that people don’t like to watch riots on TV. People watching TV news hate to see riots, fires, explosions, fighting, looting. In fact, viewers hate to see any kind of violence. They can’t bear to catch a glimpse of blood or hear even a second of angry people shouting.
So what do people like to watch on the news? Well, they like to see calm-headed people negotiating and discussing things and working things out. They like to see groups of old men in fancy suits go to meetings and shake hands and make statements and sign papers. That’s what people tune in to the news to see. Deep down, we all know this.
A Positive, More Or Less
I read the Times-Picayune’s “Six Memorable Quotes” from the debate between Sen. Mary Landrieu and Rep. Bill Cassidy. They weren’t memorable. They did, at least, demonstrate that each candidate has a functioning brain. I guess that’s a positive.
Bye Bye, Santa
I kept hoping that before the year ended, I’d get another communique from Tools for Strength or the Ashtar Command Community or some of my other tin foil hat friends.
But no such luck. That means that for our year-end edition, we’re pretty much stuck with the nutball stalker who’s set his sights on popular singer Ariana Grande.
Grande’s stalker (Tim Normandin) has sent her all sorts of unwelcome gifts — from the somewhat upscale (a $200 ankle bracelet) to the banal (Yankee candles) to the downright bizarre (a rock from New Hampshire and a 42-pound pumpkin).
But Normandin bumped it up a notch too far the other day when he showed up on Grande’s doorstop dressed in a Santa suit. That gesture earned him a police escort to a mental facility, where he was kept for three days.
TMZ opined about Grande’s limited options. Turns out that guys who show up in Santa suits in places where they’re not wanted don’t tend to put a whole lot of stock in restraining orders.
Now, What Time Is It There?
Here’s your Up Front Christmas present. Read it any time you feel overwhelmed in the coming days.
It’s a dialogue from the British TV comedy Extras, created by comic Ricky Gervais and his longtime comedic partner Stephen Merchant.
In Extras, Gervais plays a British sitcom star (Andy Millman) who struggles to get assistance from his useless agent Darren Lamb (played by Merchant).
In the following lines (from season 1, episode 6), Millman tries to explain to his idiot agent the difference between London and Los Angeles time. Just unwrap, read and laugh.
Darren Lamb (proudly and gleefully ignorant): It took me two days to realize they’re eight hours ahead.
Andy Millman: They’re behind.
Lamb: Are they? That explains quite a lot. So what time would it be there [in Los Angeles] right now?
Millman: Right, It’s four o’clock here [in London], so … eight hours
Lamb: [counting on his right hand] Five, six …
Millman: No, you’re going up.
Lamb: [counting on his left hand] Five, Six…
Millman: You’re still going up!
Lamb: But it’s the left hand …
Millman: Look. It’s four o’ clock [here], so … eight hours … [That’s] eight o’clock [in Los Angeles].
Lamb: That’s four hours ahead.
Millman: [Eight o’clock] in the morning!
Lamb: Oh. OK. Yes.
Millman: Suppose I get [my script] there at nine [A.M.].
Lamb: Ten [is better]. Yeah. After the coffee …
Millman: Right. Add eight.
Lamb: To what?
Millman: Ten!
Lamb: Ten? Eighteen.
Millman [exasperated]: What do you mean “eighteen”?
Lamb: Oh, no. Add eight. Hours you mean. Sorry.
Millman: Of course. So call it six o’ clock.
Lamb: Right. Their time.
Millman: Our time!
Lamb: Our time. Yeah. And what time would it be over there?
Millman: Ten!
Lamb: Ten. At night?
Millman: In the morning! Forget it!
To experience more, go to YouTube and search for Stephen Merchant Extras.
Joke
What do you do if you’re attacked by a gang of carnies?
Go for the juggler.
Comments are closed.