Seriously???

Chuck Shepherd Wednesday, October 1, 2014 Comments Off on Seriously???
Seriously???

German Rolf Buchholz, who owns the Guinness Book world record for most body piercings (453), said he was upset to be denied entrance into United Arab Emirates to do a performance at Dubai’s Fairmont Hotel. Buchholz said officials gave no explanation. In addition to his piercings (which include 50 beads stuck to his lips), he has also implanted horns in his forehead. Caius Veiovis, 33, is similarly concerned about his forehead horns. While preparing for his trial in Hamden, Massachusetts in a gruesome 2011 triple murder, he decided to remove the spikes from his nostrils. He wants the judge’s to warn prospective jurors not to presume guilt on the basis of his six horns.

 

The Continuing Crisis

— After several contestants in the 2013 world swimming championships in Barcelona, Spain, remarked that the racers in lanes 5-8 seemed to swim faster than those in lanes 1-4, two researchers investigated and concluded that there was a rogue current on the lane-8 side of the pool. Most of the losers swam in lane 1. The lane 8 swimmers produced a glut of medals. Wrote the researchers, a current would be “the only cause that we can propose to explain these findings.”

— In America, TV pundits just shout at each other. In two recent Middle East TV debates, discussants have roughhoused on the air. Journalist Shakir al-Johari was involved both times — on the Jordanian 7 Stars channel in May and on Dubai TV in July. In the first fight, the studio was wrecked, according to the Al-Arabiya news service. In the latter incident, al-Johari threw his chair at lawyer Saleh Khrais.

— After police issued a plea for help in identifying those who filmed a porn movie inside an Austrian church, a serious fan of Austrian porn spoke up, naming the 24-year-old female lead. The nude breasts of the star — who had worn a mask in the film — were, he said, unmistakably those of porn star Babsi. She was charged with trespassing in the church.

 

Compelling Explanations

— Two of the four fertilizer manufacturers operating in the vicinity of the April, 2013, explosion and fire in West, Texas, filed motions contesting the city’s lawsuit against them. According to the companies, it was actually the city’s ill-trained first responders and volunteer firefighters who caused many of the injuries.

— Police in Cologne, Germany, wrote a bicycle-equipment infraction against Bogdan Ionescu in April because his bike had no right-side handlebar brake. But since Ionescu has no right arm, he fought the ticket. In July, he received a police apology.

— David Rainsford, 44, is contesting the fee charged for a routine eye exam by Specsavers in Cramlington, England. He wants a discount because he has no right eye. Specsavers says Rainsford’s glass eye can pose risks for the good eye and that the area surrounding both eyes must be checked.

 

Leading Economic Indicators    

— Despite all that’s transpired in Ukraine this year, the country’s defense industry manufacturers continue to sell military gear to Russia. This gear includes “key parts for ship engines, advanced targeting technology for tanks and upkeep for Russia’s heaviest nuclear missiles,” according to an August Washington Post dispatch. The Ukrainian government may be hostile to Russia, but workers at companies such as Motor Sich fear the loss of jobs in an already deep recession. Said a Motor Sich spokesman, “We have our own (political) party, the party of Motor Sich.”

— In July, New York City approved construction of a 33-story condominium and apartment tower with both luxury units (219, facing the Hudson River) and “affordable” units (55, facing the street). The two types of units have separate entrances so the beautiful people can avoid the more downscale. The developer, Extell, said it deserves credit for carving out the affordable units because the luxury units are more profitable.

— Considering the height restrictions zoned into London’s super-prime real estate, the only practical way for some owners to expand is to go underground — as deep as five stories. This requires heavy digging machines. By the time the excavation is finished, the machines are mired at the bottom of a huge pit with no easy way to bring the behemoths up. Consequently, on some jobs, property owners have elected merely to leave the machines buried under their sub-basement.

— The Convention on International Trade in Endangered Species recently estimated that nearly 50,000 African elephants were killed for their tusks in the last two years, continuing the century-long decline in wild pachyderms. The Fish and Wildlife Service (FWS) has proposed new rules to curb ivory imports into the United States and to discourage American buying. However, in July, the National Rifle Association warned that the FWS rules would be “disastrous” for America’s collectors of antique pearl-handled guns and urged members to fight the regulations (even though, as NRA advocates acknowledged, few gun owners would be affected).

 

Ironies

In August, a criminology professor at Rome’s La Sapienza University arranged a two-hour guest lecture on “emergency practices” by an “experienced” hand — Francesco Schettino, the captain currently on trial in Italy for his role in the sinking of the cruise ship Costa Concordia in 2012, in which 32 people died. Said the captain: “I was called to speak because I am an expert. … I know what to do in these sorts of situations.” (Schettino will have to refute alleged evidence that “what to do” included running straight for the nearest lifeboat.)

 

Least Competent Criminals

— Bradley Hardison, 24, on the lam in the Elizabeth City, North Carolina, area from two break-in charges, nonetheless decided to enter a public doughnut-eating competition, in which police officers and firefighters were his competitors. Hardison managed to win, downing eight doughnuts in two minutes, and thus attracting even more attention. After one officer recognized him, he fled, but was easily caught.

— Raymond Betson became the most recent perp to intend to break into a store by ramming the wall with a digger then break through the wrong wall (and, in this case, another wrong wall after that). Police were attracted by the noise and arrested him.

 

Readers’ Choice

The tornado that ripped through Kingsport, Tenn., on July 27 damaged Jerrod Christian’s house, leaving furniture and tools strewn about his lawn. Unfortunately, according to police who filed four charges against him the next day, some of the items (an air compressor, a welder, a ratchet, an air hose, a weed trimmer) belonged to his neighbors, who had long suspected Christian had burglarized their homes.

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