Dear Dr. Archer,
My fiancé’s family has much more money than mine. This was never an issue until we got engaged. Now his parents insist I sign a pre-nuptial agreement.
The wedding is supposed to take place in two months. I told my fiancé it offends me to fill out a divorce agreement before we’re even married, but he now says he thinks I should just sign it.
We argue about it all the time. He says he’s tired of this conversation and won’t talk to me until I sign it. I feel bullied and angry. What should I do?
Kellie
Dear Kellie,
This is a very complex situation and my guess is that there’s more going on here than just the pre-nuptial agreement. Most wealthy people have already thought this matter through, so I doubt his parents are bringing it up this close to the wedding.
Regardless of what he’s saying, his actions speak louder than words. And, of course, his parents can’t make you sign it.
This is an issue between you and him. He is either taking a strong stand on their side, or using them to avoid a confrontation over something he really wants. In other words, he’s letting his parents be the bad guys instead of being honest about his feelings regarding a pre-nup or he has some reservation about the impending wedding date.
With that being said, pre-nuptial agreements have become a very common part of pre-wedding planning and are generally a good idea. But they should involve attorneys from both sides to make sure everyone is treated fairly.
This is between you and your fiancé, not his parents. He has to take full responsibility for wanting the pre-nup, and then, if you agree to one (and you don’t have to), you need to get your own attorney to review it and make sure it’s fair.
Good Luck.
Dr. Archer
Dear Dr. Archer,
My fiancé refuses to get rid of some gifts his ex-wife gave him, including some furniture he wants to put in the home we’re buying. I feel this would bring old baggage into our marriage and cause problems for us in the future. He said that’s the stupidest thing he’s ever heard.
If it’s important to me, shouldn’t it be important to him at this point, or at least an issue worth compromising about?
Wendy
Hi Wendy,
You’re right. Everyone is different in this regard, ranging from “I don’t want anything from your ex around me,” to “I couldn’t care less; it’s just furniture.”
The important point is that if it matters to you then it should be up for discussion with your fiancé, and a compromise is certainly in order.
Good Luck.
Dr. Archer
Dear Dr. Archer,
My son has been abusing prescription drugs and alcohol for years. I’ve tried and tried to help him. The problem is he refuses to admit he has a problem! I’m at my wit’s end. How can I get him to get the help he needs?
Sharon
Hi Sharon,
You need to realize you can’t force your son to get help for his substance abuse problem. The first step in treating addiction is always that the individual has to acknowledge that he has a problem and be willing to get help.
With that in mind, here’s what you do: One commonly used tactic that often works to convince an addicted person he needs help is to perform an intervention. This involves gathering together all family, friends and loved ones who are concerned about your son.
Don’t tell your son in advance, but make sure he’s around and not under the influence of drugs or alcohol.
Bring him into the room and ask each person in turn to say to him “I love you but you did X to me.” Each person will talk about something your son did while under the influence of drugs or alcohol. When each person has spoken, then say to your son, “We all love you and want you to seek help for your addiction problem.”
For more information on how to perform an intervention, can contact your local Alcoholics Anonymous, Narcotics Anonymous or Al-Anon Chapter.
One final thought: you aren’t alone. This is one of the most common questions I get from my patients.
In the final analysis, you must remember that in the end your son’s substance abuse problem is his responsibility and only he can make the ultimate decision to seek help.
Dr. Archer
Dr. Dale Archer is a board certified psychiatrist who founded the Institute for Neuropsychiatry in Southwest Louisiana. He is a frequent guest on Fox News, CNN Headline News and other national TV programs and the author of the New York Times’ best-selling book Better than Normal. Visit him at DrDaleArcher.com.
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