Odd Priorities

Chuck Shepherd Thursday, August 1, 2013 Comments Off on Odd Priorities
Odd Priorities

At a June hearing, a Philadelphia judge became so exasperated at defendant Robert Williams’ cluelessness about his need to keep his probation appointments that she ordered him to take etiquette classes before he returned to court. Williams, a rap singer and budding music mogul still under court supervision on gun and drug charges from 2008, cavalierly defended his inability to find time for his probation officer by explaining he was a busy man who worked with seven “artists,” had a demanding travel schedule, and used social media. Williams, of course, was accompanied to court by a several-man entourage.

 

War Endangers War Relics

In June, fighting in the Syrian civil war spread to its west, threatening archaeological digs and already recovered artifacts near the ancient city of Hamoukar — which is the site of history’s earliest known urban warfare (about 5,500 years ago).

 

Hey, Reach In The Fridge And Grab Me A Book

The business website Quartz reported that a popular consumer item in North Korea is the refrigerator, which is made in China and increasingly available as a reward to stellar civil servants and other elites. The appliances can’t reliably be used to store food because the country’s electric grid is so frequently offline. They are mostly just status symbols. One item Quartz says often gets displayed in the refrigerator: books.

 

Out Of Control Patrol

Robert Dugan, 47, a full-time patrolman for the Delaware County (Pa.) Park Police, was charged in June with illegally impersonating a police officer. According to authorities in Brookhaven, Pa., Dugan had accosted a woman who was double-parked outside her home and tried to pressure her into moving the car, but she refused. Dugan allegedly claimed he was an Upland Borough police officer with authority to write parking citations and make arrests.

 

Ironies

An atheist “church” in Lake Charles, La., run by lapsed Pentecostal Jerry DeWitt, conducts periodic services with many of the trappings expected by the pious. However, there is no belief in a supreme being. Such “churches” (reported The New York Times and Washington Post in stories that ran the same day) can help soothe the “biological” needs for congregational rituals and help those in the church find meaning “in something other than (oneself).” Atheist Sigfried Gold praised a “rigorous prayer routine,” such as the one he uses to beseech a “vivid goddess he created” to help overcome his weight problem.

 

Compelling Explanations

— Rodger Kelly was arrested in St. George, Utah, for the rape of a female neighbor. He told police he committed the act only to “save” her, since he had discovered her “cold” and unconscious. He had violated her body only “to try and get her temperature up.”

— The low-price air carrier GoAir of New Delhi announced that in the future it would hire only females for the cabin crew because they weigh less than men. GoAir expects to save $4 million annually in fuel.

— Former schoolteacher Kathleen Cawthorne, 33, of Rustburg, Va., successfully negotiated a reduction in her 11-year sentence for having sex with an underage student. Cawthorne’s punishment was set at four months in prison. She told the judge she had been given a clinical diagnosis of “hypersexuality.” The condition, she said, showed she had little ability to control her desire to seduce the boy.

 

Floridians Standing Their Ground

In May, a jury in Tampa decided that Ralph Wald, 70, was not guilty of murdering a 32-year-old man he had shot in the back three times. He said he had caught the man having sex with his wife in his home. On the other hand, Marissa Alexander, 34, of Jacksonville, was sentenced last year to 20 years in prison for “aggravated assault” for merely firing a warning shot during an altercation with her estranged husband. The man, Rico Gray, is a serial domestic abuser who admitted he was threatening Alexander that night and she never pointed her gun directly at him. The judge denied Alexander use of the “stand your ground” defense because she had declined to walk away from Gray.

 

Fetishes On Parade

Shaun Orris, 41, was charged with disorderly conduct in Waukesha, Wis., in June after raising a ruckus outside the Montecito Ristorante Lounge. He was harassing passersby by loudly expressing his “constitutional right” to have sex with goats.

 

Least Competent Criminals

A well-dressed, 5-foot-10 man bailed out of an attempted robbery of a New York City Bank of America when the teller he had handed his holdup note to panicked, began screaming “Oh my God!” and ran to the other side of the bank, diving under a counter. According to a witness, the robber stood in silence for a few seconds before fleeing.

 

Update

When last we checked on Wesley Warren Jr., 49, of Las Vegas, he was delaying his inevitable surgery to repair his permanently inflamed, 140-pound scrotum. He said at the time that he was enjoying the many television and radio appearances during which he discussed his plight and that he feared becoming a nobody again after the surgery. He has now had the 13-hour operation, which was done pro bono by Dr. Joel Gelman of University of California, Irvine. Warren will soon be walking without hindrance.

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