Bless Me Father
“‘Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose girl.”
The priest asks, “Is that you, little Joey Pagano?”
“Yes, Father, it is.”
“And who was the girl you were with?”
“I can’t tell you, Father, I don’t want to ruin her reputation.”
“Well, Joey, I’m sure to find out her name sooner or later so you may as well tell me now. Was it Tina Minetti?”
“The least I can do is not drag her name through the mud.”
“Was it Teresa Mazzarelli?”
“We were both too young, but I’m plenty old enough to keep a secret.”
“Was it Nina Capelli?”
“I’m sorry Father, but I could not betray her trust.”
“Was it Cathy Piriano?”
“My lips are sealed Father.”
“Well then, was it Rosa DiAngelo?”
“Please, Father, I cannot tell you.”
The priest sighs in frustration.
“You’re very tight lipped, little Joey Pagano, and I admire that. But you’ve sinned and have to atone. You cannot be an altar boy for four months. Now you go and behave yourself.”
Joey walks back to his pew, and his friend Franco slides over and whispers, “What’d you get?”
“‘Four month’s vacation and five excellent leads.”
Protestants Are Fair Game Too
How many Pentecostals does it take to change a lightbulb? Ten. One to change it and nine to pray against the spirit of darkness.
How many fundamentalists does it take to change a lightbulb? There is No Mention of light bulbs in the Bible!
How many Baptists does it take to change a lightbulb? At least 15. One for the bulb, and three committees to approve the change and decide who brings the potato salad.
Methodists: undetermined. Whether your light is bright, dull, or completely out you are loved. You can be a light bulb, turnip bulb or tulip bulb. Churchwide lighting service planned for next Sunday. Bring bulb of your choice and covered dish.
Episcopalians: eight. One to call the electrician, and seven to say how much they liked the old one better.
How many TV evangelists does it take to change a lightbulb? One…but for the message of hope to continue to go forth, please send in your donation today.
Amish: “what’s a light bulb?”
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This edition of Uncle P’s Bedtime Stories is brought to you by Eighty-one, where we figure that eternity is just too long to go without humor in heaven.
Anyone wishing to put Uncle P in their will may inform him of his windfall at firstname.lastname@example.org. Other Bedtime Stories may be found on the Eighty-one Facebook page.
Bonus: How many Mormons does it take to change a light bulb? Five. One man…and four wives to stand around and tell him how to do it…