Pierre Fontenot Thursday, November 16, 2017 Comments Off on Never

Never drink orange juice after you just brushed your teeth.

When dealing with annoying people it never hurts to remind yourself that God wants to spend eternity with this person.  It doesn’t make the person look any better, but it does make God look like ten tons of patience.

Tell your kids to never be mean to the C students.  In adulthood they often sign payroll checks and go by the name Boss.

Table Manners

Never eat dessert before dinner, unless dinner is liver and onions.

Never diet if you haven’t decided you’re serious.  Nothing saps the confidence like losing little skirmishes; generals reserve the troops for real battles.

Smiling never hurts your chances with people unless you’ve been grazing on a spinach salad.

Never regret your timing to be alive.  Jesus missed out on Community Coffee, pizza, double cheeseburgers and comfortable footwear by 2000 years.

Practical Matters

Never give your email address to a big company.  What they lack in customer service they make up for in relentless marketing.

Never take your youth too seriously.  Some people peak out before they’re old enough to drink a legal beer.  For most of us, the best was down the road, and for some of us, the road is kinda long and the peak is more like a little bump, but it’s our little bump, and we’re grateful for the elevation situation.

Never give up on yourself.  There’s this Guy with holes in his hands and feet that thinks you’re the cat’s meow.  A little get right, a little do right, and you’ll be all kinds of Just Right.

Raising your voice is never to be taken lightly.  A loud voice is a form of gun, but it only comes with a few bullets.  Spend them wisely.  Especially with family.  Spend them never: consider yourself blessed.

Those who never talk politics or religion with new acquaintances have a better chance of making new friends.

A woman never wants to be around a man who looks better – or smells better – than her.

When solving a problem, never discount the first thing that popped to mind just because it came quick.  Speaking of first things…Never say the first thing on your mind if your mind is angry.  Never say the second, third or fourth either.

Never let the bored get near bubble wrap.

Never in history has it been easier to be rude, than a person with one eye on you and the other on a smart phone.

Never forget that we’re all a little bit crazy.

Never underestimate a little white lie.  In the same way we don’t want children to play with matches, God doesn’t want us to play with dishonesty.

Speaking Of God…

Never” is one of those words that only God is qualified to use.  Same with “always.”

I never saw my life turning out like it did.  I’ve been lower than a snake’s belly and high enough to touch the hem of angel garments.  I figure what-the-heck, I ain’t giving up my seat until they run the credits and I find out who the Grip and Gaffer were.

I never saw the value of time quite like the moment when I stopped with the lie that I was middle aged.  I’m on the other side of middle, and finding myself in the fastest year so far.

We should never judge people on their best and worst.  When I’m good I’m good, when I’m bad I’m bad, but mostly, I’m just me, and not even salt ‘n pepper would take away the bland.

Prayers and expectations never seem to line up with how we’d do it, if the doing was up to us.

Never take light what others think is right.  They may be all wrong or just some wrong, but they’ve got to get where they need to get with their own hands on the steering.  On the other hand, boom, boom, boom, maybe it’s you that’s wrong…

Never disrespect cash.  It’s easier to buy new underwear with bills than trying to barter your yard eggs.

If you’ve ever seen a dog growl at someone you thought was safe, you know enough to never disregard your own instincts.

If you just hung up angry never call back until your angry is gone.

Never regret a good deed that goes unnoticed.  Avoid all attempts to remedy the unnoticing.

It’s never a good idea to name drop.  I remember coming back home from the Big City, telling my simple little grandmother about people who were Rich, Important, and Famous: turns out, she was better than all of them.

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This edition of Uncle P’s Bedtime Stories is brought to you by Eighty-one where we’re never just Eighty.

Readers who have read his stories and never said a peep may reach Uncle P at to let their peeps be known.

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