Goldfish Revisited

— Emma Marsh of Kuraby, Australia, shelled out $500 in September for emergency medical care to remove the pebble stuck in her goldfish Conquer’s throat. Brisbane’s Courier-Mail noted that the $500 could have bought 40 replacement goldfish or a bar of gold that weighed what Conquer did.

— Elsewhere Down Under, researchers from Murdoch University in Perth said in August they were working on a goldfish-control program after they learned that one species dumped in the nutrient-rich Vasse River in Western Australia grew to weigh 4 pounds and became the size of a football.

Suspicions Confirmed

— A recent working paper by two Louisiana State University economists revealed that the state’s juvenile court judges who matriculated at LSU dole out harsher sentences on weeks following a loss by the LSU football team than in other weeks. The differences in sentences were particularly stark in those seasons in which LSU’s team was nationally ranked. All sentences from 1996 to 2012 for first-time juvenile offenders were examined, except for murder and aggravated rape cases.

— The NCAA’s two-year probation for Georgia Southern University’s football program included a note that two football players were given “impermissible” inside help to pass a course. GSU’s former assistant director of student-athlete services wrote five extra-credit assignments for each of the players. Even so, neither player was able to pass the course.

Foul-Feathered Friends

In September, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention noted a recent uptick in cases of “live-poultry-associated salmonella.” It repeated its alert that people should not be kissing chickens or ducks or turkeys. The CDC noted the recent popularity of urban egg farming, but reminded hipster farmers and faddish pet patrons that cuddling the animals or bringing the little darlings into the home can spread dangerous bacteria for which human beings are unprepared.

Awkward

— A paramedic with the St. Louis Fire Department discovered on Aug. 4 that his car, which was in the station’s parking lot, had been broken into and was missing various items. Minutes after he filed a police report, the station received an emergency call about a pedestrian being hit by a car, and the paramedic and crew rushed to the scene. As he was helping the victim, the paramedic noticed that his own gym bag and belongings were strewn about the scene. He concluded that the man he was attending to was likely the man who had broken into his car. The paramedic continued to assist the man. Police said they would arrest the man as soon as he was discharged from the hospital.

— As Raylon Parker was serving on a grand jury in Halifax County, N.C., he heard the judge say the case before the court was against Raylon Parker for assault with a deadly weapon with intent to kill. The indictment of Parker passed. Due to grand jury secrecy, we do not know which way he voted. Regardless, the judge in the case said the indictment signified “probable cause” and was thus valid.

Bright Ideas

— Business is booming for Lainey Morse, the owner of No Regrets Farm in Albany, Ore., and the founder of “Goat Yoga” — an outdoor regimen of relaxation she uses on her wandering goats. “Do you know how hard it is to be sad and depressed when there are baby goats jumping around?” she asked. She proudly noted she is booked up, with a waiting list of 500 goats. One problem has surfaced, though. As she told a Canadian Broadcasting Corp. reporter, naive baby goats try to eat flower designs on yoga mats. Thus, Morse only permits mats of solid colors.

— Wesley Autrey, 42, was arrested by Scranton, Penn., detectives in a drug bust. He had five bags of heroin and four of cocaine, along with $3,083 cash. He was charged with dealing. Autrey, also known as “Newphew,” wet his pants during the arrest. Police said he did this under the mistaken impression that heroin would dissolve when it was exposed to urine.

— Although India’s sacred Ganges River remains horribly polluted, it is still holy for Hindus, who consume its waters and bathe in them regularly for salvation. Since reaching the Ganges can be difficult for India’s poor, the country’s postal service now offers home delivery of the Ganges water in bottles for 37 cents. Many believe that water bottled in the small town of Gangotri, which is near the origin of the river, is likely cleanest; the other bottler, in the city of Rishikesh, which is located farther down the river, likely provides a stronger test of faith.

Updates

Music researcher David Teie announced in September that he had landed a deal with major label Universal Music to distribute his Music for Cats. The music includes purring and sucking sounds that are designed to relax kitties. He reiterated that he plans to move on to special music for other animals. In a similar vein, artists led by Dominic Wilcox staged a brief show in London of exhibits and paintings of scenes that Wilcox thought would appeal to dogs, and would, he said, garner “tail wags.” One interactive exhibit featured an open car window with a simulator that generated an array of scents.

Speaking Truth To Power

Six times since 2004, cars have left New Hope Road in Raleigh, N.C., and crashed into the home of Carlo Bernarte. In September, he desperately sought help from traffic officials. He suggested the state install a barrier in front of his house to protect it from drivers. But he was told a barrier would block drivers’ line of sight.

Frontiers of Science

Large kidney stones typically mean eye-watering pain and sudden urinary blockage until the stone passes. Expensive sound-wave treatment is often needed to break up a large stone. Michigan State University urologist David Wartinger told The Atlantic in September that he had recently happened upon a pain-free — and even exciting — way to pass stones before they become problems: the centripetal force from a roller coaster ride. In a 200-trip experiment, he successfully passed stones in his hand-held, silicone model kidney two-thirds of the time he was sitting in a rear seat at Disney World’s Big Thunder Mountain Railroad.

Perspective

— With 30 states having adopted some form of “stand your ground” law, five membership organizations, charging up to $40 a month, have signed up half a million gun owners who say they are concerned that law enforcement will not treat them fairly if they are someday forced to shoot. The groups provide instructions and hot lines to coach members about what to tell police, liability insurance and ways to get a lawyer. Critics say such organizations are also useful to those who might be prone to shooting people and want advice on how to get away with it. The U.S. Concealed Carry organization’s wallet-sized card, which a shooter is supposed to give to police, asks that the shooter under suspicion be given the same consideration as the officers might give to their own colleagues under suspicion.

— In a dozen recent YouTube videos, Syria’s Tourism Ministry praised the country’s sandy, fun-filled beaches as ideal vacation spots, and its World Heritage Sites as renowned tourist exhibits. These videos were obvious attempts to distract world travelers from the country’s daily bloodshed, as well as the wartime destruction of those priceless historical sites. Before civil war broke out in 2011, Syria was a fashionable, $8 billion-a-year tourist destination.

Compelling Explanations

— In September, the New York City Council grilled police officials about their practice of seizing money from detainees under suspicion. Council members asked for a thorough accounting of the money. They suspected that innocent victims rarely get it back unless they’re aided by high-powered lawyers. The NYPD stated it makes half a million annual seizures and it would be “impossible” to account for everything. To do so, said the NYPD, would cause the computers to “crash.”

— The Los Angeles Dept. of Water and Power is struggling with the state’s drought crisis. But in September, KCBS-TV aired video of the department using sprinklers to water the artificial lawn at a substation in South Los Angeles. A DWP spokesperson said such watering is routinely undertaken at substations to “clean” the plastic.

Things You Thought  Didn’t Happen

Wanda Witter, 80, had been living on Washington, D.C., streets for 10 years, but insisting to anyone who would listen that the Social Security Administration owed her the sum of $100,000, and she had documents to prove it. Most regarded her as just another unlucky person confused by homeless life. In June, though, after social worker Julie Turner took a closer look, she found that Witter was indeed owed $100,000. All of Witter’s paperwork was carefully organized among the unimpressive possessions she hauled around daily. The SSA paid her $999 on the spot, and the remaining $99,999 arrived in August.

The Passing Parade

— A woman was arrested on Sept. 7 at the Italian Pizza Kitchen restaurant in Washington, D.C. While she was chatting with a police officer she didn’t know, she took a french fry from his plate. He asked her to stop, but she took another. When the exasperated officer issued an ultimatum, she took yet another. The arrest report for second-degree theft, cited by WUSA-TV, included “property stolen” as “three French fried potatoes.”

— At the seven-mile mark of the Allentown, Penn., marathon on Sept. 11, more than 100 runners were blocked by an unanticipated, slow-moving train. This event cost the athletes one of their best chances to qualify for the gold-standard Boston Marathon. The train lingered for 10 minutes. Some runners climbed over couplings and continued.

‘Charmingly Insane’

Orly Taitz, an Orange County, Cal., dentist, lawyer and prominent “birther” filed dozens of lawsuits, appeals and other legal petitions expressing her certainty that President Obama was not born in America. In a legal foray in 2012, a California judge tossed her lawsuit against Occidental College to force the release of Obama’s college transcripts and other papers. The loss brought birthers’ courtroom record to 0-for-258, according to the websites WhatsYourEvidence.com and LoweringTheBar.net. Taitz was described by one critic as “almost charmingly insane.”

Feel-Good Marketing

— One branch of the James Harper funeral homes, in Bromley, England, announced its latest promotion via a sign in a front window: “Wow! Free Child’s Battery Powered Vehicle With Every Pre-Paid Funeral Arranged This Month.” A Harper spokesperson said the purpose was to encourage residents to think ahead about funerals.

— “Considering Cremation?” was the headline of the Aug. 7 advertising supplement in Florida newspapers. The headline appeared just below a snapshot of a mom, dad and three youngsters frolicking in the grass.