Ronnie Music, Jr., 45, won a scratch-off lottery prize of $3 million in Waycross, Ga. He must have thought he was on a roll, because he soon flipped the money into a Georgia methamphetamine gang. The bet went sour, and he now faces decades in prison, as he pleaded guilty in July to drug trafficking and firearms violations after his associates were found with $1 million worth of meth and a load of guns.
Government In Action
— Montpelier, Vt., has one solution to America’s well-known problem of ignoring infrastructure maintenance and the high cost of asphalt. While other cities and states merely delay needed roadwork, Montpelier has begun to unpave some of its roads, converting them back to cheaper, annoying gravel and dirt. A recent report by Montana State University researchers expressed surprise that so many governments are choosing this option.
— Phoenix’s KTAR-TV reported in July that the local sheriff has already cost the government $10.4 million in attorneys’ fees for successful lawsuits filed against him by illegally profiled Hispanics. A judge found months ago that Arpaio was deliberately violating the court’s orders, and lawyers have demanded another $5.9 million to bring Arpaio’s resistances up to date. Unless the court rules otherwise, the $5.9 million will ultimately come from taxpayers.
Frontiers Of Fashion
As Americans’ fascination with guns grows, so does the market for protection against all those flying bullets. Texan John Adrain has introduced an upscale sofa whose cushions can stop a .44 Magnum fired at close range, and is now at work on bullet-resistant window blinds. Another company, BulletSafe, recently touted its $129 baseball caps with protection against the same bullets, but only in front — though the company admits the cap won’t prevent concussions. The Colombian suit and vest designer Miguel Caballero offers an array of bullet- and knife-resistant selections, made with Kevlar and Dyneema. Clothiers BladeRunner and Aspetto, who make “ballistic tuxedos,” also use these fabrics.
Leading Economic Indicators
— Notorious French derivatives trader Jerome Kerviel was fired in 2010 after his employer, Societe Generale bank, discovered that he had made unauthorized trades worth about $55 billion and then, by forgery and fraud, covered them up. In June, however, Kerviel won a wrongful-discharge case when France’s Court of Cassation concluded the bank had no real and serious reason to fire him. Actually, the court ordered the bank to pay Kerviel about $500,000 in performance bonuses, based on the profit that his rogue trades eventually earned. Even though the bank had spent the equivalent of $5.5 billion unwinding Kerviel’s trades, they still made money because, before the world economy collapsed in 2008, the derivatives business was very good.
Perspective
Almost half of all produce raised by U.S. farmers is thrown out before it reaches a consumer’s plate, and though there are several contributing explanations, the most striking is American eaters’ cult of perfection. “It’s about blemish-free produce,” said one farmer, e.g., sunburnt cauliflower or table grapes not quite wedge-shaped enough. America’s unyielding cosmetic standards, according to a July report in The Guardian of London, even means that much of the annual $160 billion worth of imperfect food is simply left to rot on the vine, or sent directly to a landfill, because farmers anticipate retailers’ reluctance to stock it.
Wait, What?
— In July, the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service announced plans to keep black-footed ferrets in northeastern Montana from dying out — with drones that shoot peanut butter M&Ms coated with a vaccine. Before the drones, there were too few ferrets to justify, economically, hand-delivering the candy.
— A Japanese researcher, working out of the University of Illinois at Chicago, recently announced a health-improving computer app that would require men to ejaculate on their cellphones. The researcher’s sophisticated microscope lens would be capable of transmitting a highly detailed photo, able to be examined in a lab, thus freeing shy men from having to visit a doctor’s office.
Compelling Explanations
— Lawyer Andrew Schmuhl, 32, ordered to trial in Fairfax County, Va., declared that he was not responsible in 2014 when he invaded the home of a man who had recently fired Schmuhl’s wife. Using a Taser, he had held the man and his wife hostage for three hours and ultimately slashed the man’s throat and stabbed the woman repeatedly. However, Schmuhl claimed he should be found not guilty because he was involuntarily intoxicated at the time — clueless on pain medication that made him oblivious of his actions. He was convicted.
— Geoffrey Fortier, 23, was arrested in Craighead County, Ark., and charged with video voyeurism of a woman he had allowed to shower in the home occupied by Fortier and his girlfriend. After the woman stepped out of the shower, she noticed a logged-on iPad propped against a wall. Fortier informed deputies that it was all a misunderstanding. He said he had earlier recorded himself urinating in order to sell the video to a urination fetish website and simply forgot to remove the device.
Unclear On The Concept
— The membership of the R.I. Westerly Yacht Club voted in June to retain the club’s men-only admission policy, which some members told a Providence Journal reporter was necessary to preserve the club’s family atmosphere. Apparently, according to the report, they feared being tempted at social events by having unmarried women around as full female members, instead of the currently allowed spousal members.
— The English Chessington World of Adventures theme park, after upgrading its authentic jungle experience, nonetheless had to post a noise restriction in July because some patrons apparently cannot resist the urge to do loud Tarzan impressions, which officials said confuse the monkeys.
The Passing Parade
— Christopher Wade, 55, was arrested in Nashville, Tenn., in July after police tracked him to his home, where he was found already in bed with a female mannequin shortly after stealing it from the Hollywood Hustler store. The mannequin was wearing a brown wig, a pink spandex dress and rhinestone stilettos.
— As part of the Taste of Buffalo food festival in July, competitors from the Major League Eating organization were offered a shot at the Kale Cup, with a $2,000 prize for the most kale eaten in eight minutes. The very healthy Gideon “The Truth” Oji won, downing 25.5 bowls.
— The Belton (Texas) Early Childhood School staged an “Enchanted Evening” prom and posted many Facebook photos of toddlers arrayed in tuxedos, gowns and corsages. A Kansas City Star reporter suggested that this was just the beginning of an expensive parental trend.
— The village of Trecon was inducted recently into the club of French towns with silly names. “Tres con,” translated, is “very stupid.” Mayor Georges Leherle joined 38 other members, including “Monteton” (“My Nipple”) and “Mariol” (“Dumbass”).
News Of The Weird Classic
Brazil has a robust democracy but with very few controls on what candidates may call themselves on ballots. Among those running for offices this time, according to a September, 2012, New York Times dispatch from Rio de Janeiro: John Kennedy Abreu Sousa, Jimmi Carter Santarem Barroso, Ladi Gaga, Christ of Jerusalem, five Batmans, two James Bonds and 16 people whose name contains Obama. “It’s a marketing strategy,” said city council candidate Geraldo Custodio, who apparently liked his chances better with the ballot name Geraldo Wolverine.
Designer Leather
The late fashion designer Alexander McQueen (who dabbled in macabre collections), might appreciate the work of acolyte Tina Gorjanc. She will grow McQueen’s skin (from DNA off his hair) in a lab; add back his tattoos; and from the result, make leather handbags and jackets. Gorjanc, a recent graduate of McQueen’s fashion school alma mater, bills the project mainly as a way of showcasing the meager legal protections for abandoned bits of human DNA. She fears industrial use of such DNA on a much larger scale.
Awkward Flirtations
— In Florida’s The Villages senior community, Howard Sparber, 69, faces several charges after having fired 33 rounds of ammunition into the home of a woman who had been declining his sexual overtures. (The woman wasn’t at home.)
— John Taylor, 57, said he was just lonely and wanted to meet women. But a court in Shirley, England, sentenced him for a three-month spree of furtively slipping men’s underwear through various women’s house letterboxes.
Incompetent Criminals
The men who attempted an armed carjacking at the Oasis car wash in Shreveport, La., on July 20 were sent running by the car owner Michael Davis, who was holding a high-pressure hose at the time. He casually directed the stream to one potential thief’s face while swinging the metal wand at the other.
Latest Religious Messages
Last year, three million Muslims made the pilgrimage to Mecca for the hajj and another five million for the slightly less sacred umrah. Awaiting them in the Saudi holy city was massive modern buildings; housing construction with worksites brightly lit around the clock; glittery, multi-story shopping malls featuring familiar brands peddling opulence — capped by high-rise views of the city’s entire amusement-park-like setting from four- and five-star hotel rooms, where suites during hajj can go for $10,000 a night. The malls, like the rest of Mecca, come to a standstill for prayers.
Relax People
A Fargo, N.D., fire official said in July his crew had responded at least twice to alarmed-citizen phone calls to go help a man obviously homeless, covered in a blanket on a park bench, who seemed not to be moving. The First Lutheran Church later explained that the man was just a statue — their idea of Jesus as a homeless man — and its Canadian designer said versions of the statue had been placed in several cities, including Toronto and Detroit.
War Is Hell
Jihadists had a rough year militarily. They now suffer from an array of field reports (such as a new book by retired Lt. Gen. Michael Flynn) that state that their most sensitive laptop computers, when they are captured in battle by U.S. forces, are always loaded with pornography — including “vile” material involving kids and animals. Initially, said one analyst, there was so much porn that U.S. intelligence figured its purpose was to disguise tactical messages hidden in the sex-scene pixels. This proved not to be the case.
Scientific Breakthrough
Samuel Oliphant, 35, was arrested on various charges in Scottsdale, Ariz., after police were called to a house to investigate a “strong and unusual odor.” Inside, they found a “laboratory” where Oliphant had allegedly built a “complex and elaborate” system apparently for the sole purpose of enhancing his marijuana smoking.
Awesome!
Rapper Kasper Knight apparently shot himself in the cheek with a revolver on July 17 in Indianapolis as part of a music video. In raw footage of the incident posted on his Facebook page (and then seen by almost 2 million people), a bleeding Knight said he tried to recruit a shooter, but no one volunteered. Thus, he shot himself, anticipating (as in the previous times he had been shot, by other people) “like a 4 out of 10 on the pain scale.”
Recurring Themes
— An ambulance was called in July when jockey Chris Meehan was kicked in the face by a horse and knocked out cold after he fell during a race in Merano, Italy. But the arriving ambulance accidentally backed over his leg. The jockey is recovering.
— At England’s premier agricultural event, the Great Yorkshire Show, a winning show cow was stripped of her title after being suspected of having artificially enhanced udders.
Ronnie Music, Jr.
Statue of Jesus in Fargo, ND, mistaken for a homeless man
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