Overwhelmed

Dear Dr. Archer,

I am a 33-year-old male who has led a very emotional life. I believe I’m bipolar.

I’ve always felt overwhelmed. I had a rough upbringing and went through counseling until I was 14. After that, I began self-medicating with various drugs, experiencing highs and lows, while never experiencing any sort of consistency. Lately, things have gotten worse.

I find it difficult to talk to people about what I’m feeling. I want help, but I don’t have insurance and don’t know how to go about getting diagnosed. My pride is killing me. I want to solve this issue myself, but it’s been ongoing for so long that I’m at a loss as to what to do.

What would you suggest? I’d love to have a balanced life.

David

Dear David,

If you truly want to help yourself, the first thing you need to do is stop self-medicating. Trying to medicate yourself will only make things worse and make it harder to get a diagnosis.

Money is tight for many these days, and all too often folks who need mental health care don’t have insurance. In fact, lack of money is the main reason people can’t get medical help. But there are answers, so get started now.

Start making simple yet beneficial changes to your life. Little changes, like getting an extra hour of sleep at night and walking at least 30 minutes a day can do wonders for both your mind and body.

Find a local community mental health clinic, which provides free or low-cost service. Also, go online and check out Mental Health America for support groups in your area. It can be extremely beneficial to interact with others who have similar problems. It’s not national yet, but in some areas of the country, if you dial 211, you’ll be connected with mental health crisis services in your area that provide immediate help.

If you don’t find relief through the venues I’ve mentioned, you may need medication. The community mental health clinic should be able to help with that. Good luck.

Dr. Archer

Dear Dr. Archer,

I’m a 34-year-old mother of two. For my first 12 years, I grew up as a Jehovah’s Witness. I was always an outsider, and was bullied through secondary school. When we finally moved, we were no longer part of that religion, and I finally started making friends.

My mother had an affair and walked out on us, leaving my alcoholic father, three siblings and me. My father obviously couldn’t cope, and we nearly ended up with family services. Mom had a string of broken relationships, and at 34, she returned to get us after marrying an abusive, angry 23-year-old.

He hated me, and when I was 15, he told my mom to choose between us. She chose him. From that point on, I have lived in many homes, worked and fended for myself. At 22, my mom emptied her savings to spend on herself. When I was beat up by a boyfriend and went to her for help, she slapped me and told me I was not to take my crap to her door ever again. She turned me out and called the police.

I have found it difficult to maintain relationships, and I end up with abusive men. I love my children dearly. I have few friends. When I had my daughter, I spent my whole pregnancy alone. No one took me out for my birthday. I only had two people pop in for a quick visit. When I gave birth, it was just the midwife and me.

I have had no support or help. My daughter’s father left when I was four weeks pregnant. Until now I’ve maintained a polite relationship with my parents. Recently, however, I’ve started shutting everyone off. I don’t return phone calls and I don’t visit anyone. If anyone wants to see me, I make excuses.

I feel like I’ve cried myself to sleep for years, and now I just don’t care anymore. I’m detached from everyone except my children.

I still go to college and get distinctions. There I’m doing very well. I just can’t and don’t seem to want to connect with anyone.

I’ve started drinking in the evening and my memory seems to be going.

I hope this gives you some idea as to what might be wrong with me.

Jen

Dear Jen,

It’s unfortunate that all children aren’t raised in loving, supportive homes. But the cold hard fact is that many are neglected.

Often the effects of this are difficult to overcome. But the truth is, they can be.

It’s time to let go of the past. It’s done, and nothing you can do now will change the sorrow of your upbringing.

However, you can change the future. Your childhood doesn’t have to doom your adulthood. You can carve out a new life and overcome your past.

I suspect you may have some clinical depression going on, and would like to see you seek help from a local community mental health center — or better yet, the campus counseling center. You can overcome this. Maintain relationships that are positive and beneficial. Look at the bright side, you are doing well in school and have two kids that depend on you.

Igor Stravinsky said “My childhood was a period of waiting for the moment when I could send everyone and everything connected with it to hell.” In case you don’t know, Stravinsky, a pianist, conductor and composer, overcame hardships and loneliness and became one of the most influential composers of the 20th century.

Above all, stop the drinking. Only you can make the changes to make it all better, and this would be a huge first step. Alcohol is a depressant, and drinking will only bring you down further and exacerbate your depression.

Dr. Archer

Dr. Dale Archer is a board certified psychiatrist who founded the Institute for Neuropsychiatry in Southwest Louisiana. He is a frequent guest on Fox News, CNN Headline News and other national TV networks, and the author of The ADHD Advantage and the New York Times’ bestselling book Better than Normal. Visit him at DrDaleArcher.com.