On several occasions, the Up Fronter has mentioned the special ceremonies and presentations provided by the Chapter 1996 Military Order of the Purple Heart to honor the military service of veterans at their wakes and funerals. Since 2004, the group has honored 2,675 area veterans in this special way.
Unfortunately, the practice is about to come to end — probably this summer. The reason? The youngest member of the group is 89.
Longtime group representative Henry Doiron hopes that another veterans organization will step up and carry on these honorary tributes. If you’re a vet, and you feel that ceremonies of this type would provide a real benefit to the families of this area’s veterans, this is your opportunity to act.
Desperate Tennis
Local author Jerry L. Whiteman has just published a book. And you can tell from the title — Desperate Tennis: A Psycho-Philosophical Tennis Handbook. The Self-Help Book for the Weekend Tennis Warrior — that it’s a book of humor.
He follows each discussion of an aspect of desperate tennis with a list of desperate tennis (DT) facts that sum things up. Curiously enough, some of these humorous “facts” actually touch on the basics of the human condition. For instance, one DT Fact reads: “Everyone wants to believe he is a wonderful human being with unprecedented qualities.”
And a few DT Facts are thought-provoking; consider DT Fact #51: “All routines eventually lead to mediocrity.”
Much of Whiteman’s book is devoted to the antics of a tennis warrior named Bullets who devotes many hours to his efforts to psych opponents with his bizarre statements and behavior. As Whiteman points out in a chapter called “The Build-Up,” the “contract” for a tennis match may be made weeks before the match takes place. Such a waiting period gives Bullets a long time to sap his opponent’s strength and assurance — with weird phone calls made in the middle of the night, or other, equally unnerving, pranks. Here’s a passage that shows how farcical Bullets’ tennis psychs can be:
“Bullets has a bag full of helpful distractions. On one Sunday afternoon, he brought a bag of D batteries and was offering them to those players he identified as having a tennis racquet that seemed to be losing power. ‘Looks like your batteries are low; try two of those.’ A few racquets were seriously damaged that afternoon when the more naive tried to unscrew their racquet handle.
“DT Fact #23: Tennis racquets don’t run on D batteries.
“DT Fact #23a: They run on C batteries.”
Bullets will not let himself lose a match. If defeat seems inevitable, he’ll fake an injury in order to end a game prematurely.
Here are a few of the book’s most humorous headings:
“Principles Of Destroying Your Opponent’s Confidence”
“It’s OK To Display Insincere Courtesy Any Time”
“Images That Arouse Fear Or Dread.”
One more funny … Whitehead states that “Democrat!” counts as a “swear word” at “Country Racquet Clubs.”
I think a person who reads this book might actually learn something about ways to intimidate and manipulate opponents. But Whiteman doesn’t believe the book will improve one’s chances at tennis in any way. He calls it a “total satire.” It is quite obviously a satire of both self-help books and books that offer instruction for individuals who want to excel at a particular sport.
The book is one long series of set-ups and jokes. Not every joke will connect with every reader. But as far as humor books go, this one is well above-average when it comes to generating laughs.
Each of the 15 chapters begins with a satirical cartoon by well-known McNeese illustrator and artist Marty Bee.
You can buy the Kindle edition of Desperate Tennis for $5.99. Kindle Unlimited members can get the book free. Visit amazon.com and search for “Desperate Tennis.”
Going Home
Lake Charles writer Scott E. Raymond has just published his first fictional book — a novel titled Going Home: One Sailor’s Inner Search During the Turbulent 1970s. Raymond previously authored Voices Behind the Bricks, a non-fiction book on area veterans.
He longs for a close relationship with his father, a World War II veteran. At one point, he has a dream that gives him a visionary awareness of his father’s war experience. He’s astonished to learn that the dream contains information that only his father could have known.
One thing that Bradford learns through his mysterious dream is that his father was picked up by an aircraft carrier after a disastrous combat encounter. Bradford becomes all but obsessed with the idea of learning whether the carrier that once picked up his father is the one he’s on: the USS John Adams.
As this personal story unfolds, details of such historical events as the U.S. withdrawal from Vietnam, the Watergate scandal and the international oil embargo are woven into the narrative.
Raymond describes the novel as “a young sailor’s attempt to find himself during a turbulent time in our nation’s history.”
Raymond writes from experience. He served on the aircraft carrier USS Constellation during two Vietnam combat cruises in 1972 and 1973.
If you want more info, or would like to get a copy of the book, visit scotteraymond.com. You can also find out where and when Raymond will be promoting and signing the new book.
Le Bon Tees
Because of Louisiana’s unusually generous film credits, New Orleans, or perhaps just the state in general, has come to be known as Hollywood South or Hollywood East. And a fine body of work has come out of the tax situation. Such masterpieces as Quentin Tarentino’s Django Unchained, Werner Herzog’s Bad Lieutenant and Nick Pizzolatto’s True Detective were all shot entirely in Louisiana. (Much of the action in True Detective is set in Lake Charles.)
In spite of all this, I suspect the days of the film-making tax credits are numbered. As the state budget continues to languish in crisis mode, more and more lawmakers will eye the film credits as an especially viable cut. In crisis situations, one has to prioritize eventually. And films — as much as we may love them — are not necessities.
If you’re a big fan of all these new Louisiana films regardless of their economic and political ramifications, you can celebrate them with a line of tee-shirts that’s coming out of N.O.
Le Bon Tees, a new company in N.O., is now marketing three different tee-shirt designs that depict the state’s film industry. One shirt has a particularly effective design — an old-fashioned movie camera overlaid on a silhouette of the state of Louisiana. It may not sound like much when it’s described, but if you see it, I think you’ll be impressed.
One shirt reads “NOLAWOOD,” with the WOOD in black and the NOLA in bright red.
Le Bon Tees plans to release various series of tee-shirts; the Louisiana film shirts are the first. In a blog, company reps state, “Le Bon Tees collections will grow to incorporate different niche industries and show community support. We aspire to partner with non-profit organizations to support their endeavors. From Louisiana for Louisiana!”
Shirts go for $25 per. Check it all out at lebontees.com.
Stop The Presses!
“Lieutenant Governor Billy Nungesser’s First 100 Days Filled With Success”
— Email sent from the office of the Lt. Gov. on April 20.
Wow, that all sounds really, really … successful. It would have sounded a lot less successful if it hadn’t been marketed as a piece of self-promotion.
Thank God For Wyoming
In his “Tuesday Tracker” for April 20, Jeremy Alford pointed out that Wyoming recently beat Louisiana to the bottom in two categories. One is percentage of reps in the state Legislature who are women (15 percent in Louisiana).
The other is percentage of park costs that are covered by park fees. In Louisiana, parks pay for only 3.4 percent of their cost. In New Hampshire, the figure is 100 percent. And even in Alabama, a fellow state that usually percolates around the tail end of lists, parks pay for 81 percent of their expenses. Maybe — I don’t know — somebody in our Legislature should call somebody in a park in Alabama and ask, “What’s up?” (Or be really hip and ask, “Wassup?”)
Alford suggested it might be time to start thinking about changing the state’s unofficial motto to Thank God For Wyoming.
The News
Doctor Strange Trailer: Benedict Cumberbatch and Tilda Swindon Make Their Superhero Debut
— Vanity Fair; No. 2 headline in Google News’ “Top Stories” for April 13
Professional Funny
“OMG (I abbreviate ‘Oh my God’ to save space).”
— Part of a Tweet by Steve Martin, April 12
Aww!
What’s that? The series finale of American Idol has aired? And I never saw a single episode of American Idol. Now I guess I’ll have to go to my grave without ever having seen a single episode. Poor me. Oh, poor, poor me. Aww!
The Funnies: Bogie And Bacall Edition
Gen. Sternwood explains the particulars of a case he wants Phillip Marlow (Humphrey Bogart) to investigate. After he’s finished, Marlowe says, “hmm.”
General: “Hmm.” What does that mean?
Marlow: It means “hmm.”
— The Big Sleep, 1948
Marlowe (Bogart) gets out of taxi; hands female taxi driver a big tip.
Marlowe: Here, go buy yourself a big cigar.
Driver: (Handing Marlowe her card.) If you can use me sometime, call this number.
Marlowe: Day and night?
Driver: Uh, night’s better. I work during the day.
— The Big Sleep
Bacall: Who was the girl, Steve?
Bogart: Who was what girl?
Bacall: The one who left you with such a high opinion of women.
— To Have And Have Not, 1944
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