In November in Harare, Zimbabwe, Mison Sere, 42, was the winner of the 4th annual Mister Ugly. Some of his teeth were missing and he had a “wide range of grotesque facial expressions,” according to an Associated Press dispatch. But many in the crowd who thought their favorite contestant was even uglier threatened to riot. “I am naturally ugly,” said a jealous former winner William Masvinu. “Sere is ugly only when he opens his mouth.”
Cool Moms
— Jennifer Terry, 44, was charged with driving her daughter and several other minors around Riverdale, Utah, in August to enable them to toss eggs at 10 to 20 homes. Some damage was reported. So far, Mom is the only one charged.
— Mandy Wells, 32, told police that she thought “for a minute” that it was a bad idea, “but [she] did it anyway.” She invited 10 youths (aged 12 to 14) to her home for a party and served beer and marijuana. Wells, of Springtown, Texas, said her daughter, 14, smokes marijuana because she suffers from depression.
One-Man Arsenal
According to the flabbergasted sheriff of rural Chesterfield County, S.C., “this has completely changed our definition of [what constitutes] an ‘ass-load’ of guns.” Brent Nicholson, 51, had been storing more than 7,000 firearms — most of them likely stolen — in his home and a storage building on his property. Every room of the house was stacked with weapons. It took four tractor-trailer trips to haul everything away. A hundred law-enforcement officers were needed for the job. Nicholson also had 500 chainsaws; 250 taxidermied deer, elk, and alligator heads; and more. No motive was obvious to deputies. Nicholson would still be living in the shadows if he hadn’t run a stop sign when he had bogus license plates on his truck.
The Human Fanny Pack
Brandon Wilson, 26, was arrested in November in Cedar Rapids, Iowa, in his second bust of 2015. A substantial number of crack cocaine baggies were found in his rectum. Fifty-one were recovered this time, down from the 109 discovered in his February arrest.
For The Man Who Has Everything
Kuala Lumpur International Airport took out ads in two Malaysian daily newspapers in an effort to find the owners of three Boeing 747-200Fs that had been parked at the airport for months. The airport threatened to auction off the planes in 14 days if they were not claimed. Two are white, and one is “off-white.” The planes’ last listed owner said he sold them in 2008.
Leading Economic Indicators
— In October, Apple announced it was sitting on $206 billion in cash. That is equivalent to owning the entire gross domestic product of Venezuela — and all in cash. Here’s another way of looking at it: Using only its cash, Apple could buy every single NFL, NBA, MLB, and NHL team, and the 20 most valuable international soccer teams and still have money left. Or, as the BGR.com blog pointed out, it could instead give every man, woman and child in America $646.
— The CEO of the massive online retailer Overstock.com believes there is a “10 to 20 percent” chance of a world financial meltdown in the next few years. He’s arranging to be back in business in the aftermath. Patrick Byrnes told the New York Post in November that he has stashed away enough food in a well-fortified facility in Utah’s Granite Mountain to serve his 2,000 employees for “30 to 60 days.” He also has $10 million in gold. But, he insisted, he’s not a gun-toting “prepper”; the plan is only about tiding employees over until the Internet and banking systems are back up and running.
Least Competent Criminals
— Matthew Riggins had told his girlfriend earlier that he and a pal were planning to burglarize some homes around Barefoot Bay in Brevard County, Fla. He was apparently on that mission when an alert resident called 9-1-1, and the thieves scrambled. Riggins’ accomplice was caught several days later. Riggins didn’t make it even one night. He had taken refuge in a nearby swamp and drowned while trying to outswim an 11-foot-long alligator.
— According to police, Ryan Liskow, 36, badly violated the crime-novel rule about not returning to the scene of the crime. He’s now awaiting trial for robbing the Sterling State Bank in Rochester, Minn., on Dec. 14 … and 15. A reporter for KIMT-TV was on the air on the 15th, describing the first robbery. The reporter was unaware that Liskow was inside robbing the bank again. As Liskow emerged on foot with a bank employee in pursuit, the reporter pointed out Liskow, who was soon arrested.
Exceptional Floridians
— Police in St. Petersburg reported the arrest of a 12-year-old boy whose rap sheet listed “more than 20” arrests since age 9. For example, when he was on foot at a gas station, he told an 89-year-old driver that the man’s tire was low. When the man got out to check, the boy hopped in the car and took off.
— A driver accidentally plowed through two small businesses in Pensacola, creating such destruction that the manager of one said it looked like a bomb had hit it. The driver told police he was attempting to “travel through time.”
A News Of The Weird Classic
In 1910, parents of the 450 pupils at Applecroft primary school in Welwyn Garden City, England, were given individualized yearbooks that had all the children’s faces obscured by black bars over the eyes. The precautions were ordered by headmistress Vicky Parsley, who feared that clear photos of children would inevitably wind up in child pornography. The year before, Parsley had prohibited parents from taking photographs during school plays because of the same concern.
New World Order
Canada’s Transgender Project released a biographical video of the former Paul Wolscht, who is 46 and the father of seven children with his ex-wife, Marie. These days, Wolscht describes himself as a 6-year-old female named Stephoknee Wolscht. Wolscht told the Daily Xtra gay and lesbian news site that acting like a 6-year-old (even while she does “adult things” like working and driving a car) enables her to escape “depression and suicidal thoughts.” Among the trans-age’s favorite activities are coloring with crayons, creating a “kingdom” of toys and wearing “really pretty clothes.” Stephoknee now lives with a couple that “adopted” her.
Updates
— Russian artist Pyotr Pavlensky, 31, has devoted his career to getting on the government’s nerves. He succeeded again in November. In his latest action, he set fire to the front door of the headquarters of Russia’s security service (the FSB, formerly KGB). He was detained. From his cell, he demanded his charge of “vandalism” be changed to “terrorism.” A member of the Russian band Pussy Riot called the door fire “the most important work of contemporary art of recent years.” Pavlensky once sewed his lips together in protest of the arrests of the members of Pussy Riot.
— New Zealand announced on Dec. 10 that the country’s official records now recognize the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster as an entity that can marry couples. The church must now nominate an “official marriage celebrant” (who will be known as “His Noodly Honour”).
Compelling Explanations
Breen Peck, 52, an air traffic controller who’s been having career troubles in recent years, was arrested during a traffic stop on New York’s Long Island. Officers found illegal drugs in his car. “That’s meth,” he said. “I’m an air traffic controller. I smoke it to stay awake.”
Ironies
— Christopher Manney was fired from the Milwaukee Police Department in 2014 after he shot a black suspect to death. He wasn’t fired for the shooting ,but for improper actions that preceded the shooting; these included not announcing a valid reason for a pat down and not following the book during the pat down. Two days before the firing, he filed a disability claim for post-traumatic stress disorder from the shooting and aftermath. In November, 2015, the city’s Annuity and Pension Board approved the claim. Thus, even though Manney had been fired, he retired with full disability, with basically the same take-home pay he was receiving before he was fired.
— In November, as anti-Muslim tensions arose in several U.S. cities following the Paris terrorist attack, two chapters of the Satanic Temple church (San Jose, Calif., and Minneapolis) offered to protect Muslims who feared a backlash. The Minneapolis group offered “big dudes walking you to where you need to be,” for example, the grocery store or the office. The offer was subsequently rescinded by the Minneapolis church’s executive ministry, which reasoned that the church is “not a personal security service.”
The Continuing Crisis
— Elaine Williams, 47, was arrested in North Forsyth, Ga., and charged with trying to buy a baby for her daughter, 14, via an ad on Craigslist. Williams said her daughter said she “wanted a baby and would get one with or without my help.”
— Two foreign students at the liberal arts Oberlin College complained in a recent school publication that the cafeteria selections, which are “inclusive” of world cultures, were denigrating other cultures by offering inferior versions of national dishes. Vietnamese student Diep Nguyen wrote that the correct “banh mi” sandwich should include a “crispy baguette with grilled pork, pate, pickled vegetables and fresh herbs” and not “ciabatta bread, pulled pork and coleslaw.” Said Japanese student Tomoyo Joshi, sushi with “undercooked rice and lack of fresh fish is disrespectful.” Cafeteria managers told The Washington Post they were proud of their commitments to other cultures, local farming, sustainable foods and humane treatment of animals.
Least Competent Criminals
— Jasper Harrison, 47, was working inside the storage unit in Edgewater, Fla., where he grew his marijuana. He heard a helicopter overhead, panicked, and called 9-1-1 to turn himself in so that he could pre-empt what he presumed was a SWAT raid. Actually, the helicopter belonged to a local news station. Police arrested Harrison, based on the 9-1-1 call.
— Lloyd Franklin, a suspect in a North Carolina double murder, fatally shot himself in a Bensalem, Penn., motel room when police knocked on the door. However, cops had come to arrest another man in the room on a parole violation.
Update
A decade ago, the “Bridge to Nowhere” was considered an example of uncontrolled government spending before Congress killed it. Ketchikan, Ala., had planned to build a sleek international airport on the nearby, uninhabited Gravina Island. But Ketchikan needed a $450 million bridge that would take customers to the island. These days, the original 3.2-mile, $28 million road on Gravina Island that was built to provide access to the bridge now ends in a scrub forest. One optimistic state official said the road gets “more use all the time.” He claimed boaters come for “hunting and fishing, berry picking, things like that. It’s actually a nice road.”
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