Many loyal Up Front readers are interested in stories of haunted Louisiana. The folks at the Convention and Visitors Bureau have put together a bunch of them in a project they call Eerie Calcasieu.
Right now, the bureau is touting the story of the notorious murderer Toni Jo Henry and the place where she lived out her last days — the Lake Charles Courthouse.
To get to Eerie Calcasieu, download the bureau’s app. On the app’s main menu, click the “Other Tours” section in the lower right hand corner. Then click “Eerie Calcasieu.” You’ll be guided through a tour of the local haunted places.
And He Thought He’d Left Louisiana
Do you think the state is only going to use honest and straightforward means to get the hundred of millions it needs to fill the budget gaps it’s looking at? If you do, you may not have heard about the recent state attempts to collect fines from people who have long since left the state on the grounds that these people let their Louisiana auto insurance “lapse”?
Take the case of Brandon Friedman, a 37-year-old veteran who moved out of Louisiana way back in 2004. His parents, who still live in Shreveport, just got a notice saying that their son owes the state of Louisiana $525 for lapsed auto insurance. Friedman says he immediately got his vehicle properly insured when he relocated to Virginia 11 years ago.
Why would a Louisiana bureaucrat make such a loopy move? Well, some number-cruncher has figured out that if the state could manage to get a hefty fine from each driver who stopped renewing auto insurance in Louisiana at some point, the total would be $444 million in additional revenue for the state.
State Police admit that they are trying to collect for “lapses” that took place as long ago as 1986. There’s no word yet on whether the State Police and OMV will ever be able to distinguish between legitimate insurance lapses and the cases of people who simply moved away; got rid of a car; quit driving; or what have you.
Be prepared to read about similar forays into the Twilight Zone as the state’s leaders keep trying to fix the budget that won’t stop bleeding. And keep a hand on your wallet.
On The Campaign Trail
— Oct. 7: Gov. Bobby Jindal releases his much unanticiapted tax plan. The plan is a masterwork of Jindalism. It calls for a complete elimination of all corporate taxes. It is designed to “neuter the IRS.”
Under Jindal’s plan, nobody will pay no taxes. So if you’re used to spending every afternoon sitting on the couch watching Phoenix University commercials and eating Cheetos and paying no taxes (except maybe for the tax on the Cheetos), you can rest assured those days are over. You will, under Jindal’s plan, be placed in a 2 percent tax bracket.
I do, unfortunately, feel obliged to take issue with some of the governor’s calculations. For example, Jindal predicts that under his tax plan, capital stock will grow by 38.3 percent. I feel this is an error. I believe that under Jindal’s plan, capital stock will grow by either 71.6 percent or 19.003 percent.
Jindal says wage rate will grow by 8.7 percent. I make it out to be either 8.9 or 14.1206 percent.
I didn’t quite get this part: “Federal revenue will be cut by 22 percent or $9 trillion.” I can understand wanting to reduce the amount of the federal deficit. But the desire to reduce federal revenue is new to me. I’m not accustomed to hearing countries say they need less money. As a rule, they don’t want to clean out the piggy bank when they know the next year, or month, could bring a war or drought or flu or refugee influx or some other unforeseen disaster.
But it takes a lot of work to make up a whole new budget plan. I can’t expect it to be perfect. Unfortunately, Gov. Jindal has been so busy working out the details of his tax plan that he hasn’t gotten around to undertaking the English grammar review he so desperately needs. The last sentence of his tax plan reads exactly like this: “Governor Jindal’s tax reform plan will significantly flattens the distribution of taxes across all income brackets.” That’s what we call the future present tense.
— Jindal continues to have the good fortune of hobnobbing in the kind of Iowan high society hot spots that most of us can never hope to set foot in. Recent white-tie events include cocktails at the Hy-Vee Cafe in Estherville (a “retail stop”), a tasting at Kim Buck’s Cuisine in Emmetsburg, a spaghetti supper at the VFW in Mason City, and an exclusive lunch at Patriots for Christ in Cedar Falls.
— Oct. 15: Third quarter fundraising totals for presidential candidates were announced, and it was bad, bad news for team Jindal. In the third quarter, Jindal took in only $600,000 in contributions. During the quarter, he spent more than $800,000. In stark contrast, Jeb Bush got more than $13 million in the third quarter.
Satirical Baton Rouge magazine The Red Shtick got right on top of this, publishing a (false) story that Jindal had taken a half-time job in an Iowa pizza parlor to give a boost to his finances. Red Sthtick quoted one of the patrons of the Urbandale Pizza Ranch as saying, “I like Jindal’s stance on immigration, and he makes sure my iced tea is topped off. I’m not sure who I’ll vote for in the caucus come February, but he’s definitely got my vote for employee of the month.”
Disgust And Disdain
The Up Fronter recently observed that famed U.S. writer Joyce Carol Oates will not even write out presidential candidate Donald Trump’s name when she Tweets about him. Although she has no trouble writing out the names of such politicians as Cruz and Huckabee, she refers to Trump as T***p. She made one such reference in a recent Tweet in which she said many U.S. politicians had a “low quality” that was “stunning” in comparison to the quality of leading Canadian politicians.
Trump is probably less bothered by Oates’ “T***p,” than he is by the tendency of West Coast radio MC Ricardo Sanchez (“El Mandril”) to call Trump “el hombre del peluquin,” or “the man of the toupee.” Sanchez once said on his national radio program that giving the presidency to Trump would be like “giving a loaded gun to a monkey.”
Sanchez is the most popular and listened-to Spanish language media figure in the U.S. His attacks on Trump began when Trump had Jorge Ramos, top news anchor of the Spanish-language networks Univision and Fusion, removed from a press conference by security guards when he felt that Ramos had asked a question out of turn. Ramos was heard yelling, “Don’t touch me, sir! Don’t touch me, sir!” Someone must have informed Trump of the enormity of what he had just done, as Ramos was quickly asked to return to the room. But the damage had been done.
The New York Times covered the great, big Trumptastic mess with a headline that read “Latino Outlets Air Disdain.”
More Pop Than Trump?
@MartinOMalley just covered Taylor Swift on @TheView
— Tweeted by ABC News Politics on Oct. 20.
I hate to be too hard on Trump if we’re going to start letting cover bands into the Oval Office. At least Trump hasn’t broken out with a cover of AC/DC yet (as far as I know). Delegates — do not cast your vote for O’Malley until you hear my cover of Ludacris.
The News
“The Star Wars: The Force Awakens trailer has finally landed.”
— National Post headline for Oct. 20.
The Mystery Of The News
The headline wasn’t too bad. It read like this: “Missing king cobra found in Ocoee garage.” It’s one of those stories that’s good for a half a day of coverage. It’s not earth-shaking news, but it does give the viewer a little shiver when he or she thinks about what it might be like to discover a snake in the garage.
But what was really scary here was the first paragraph of the story. See what you make of it. I’m reproducing it exactly as it appeared, with spelling errors retained:
“WESH Orlando – ?1 hour ago?
“YOU FEEL MORE COMFORTABLE WALK THARN NEIGHBORHOOD TODAY. ABSOLUTELY STEWART. IT WILL PUT A LOT OF PEOPLE AT EAST THIS MORNING IN THIS NEIGHBORHOOD.”
I read this example of what I’ll call “alternative news” on Google News. In fact, the story was No. 5 in Google News’ U.S. News headlines for Oct. 8.
Stories on Google News are selected entirely by algorithms. To put it another way, all stories are selected by computer. I think it might be time to bring at least one human being into the editorial office.
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