UNTRUSTING

Dear Dr. Archer,

I have a past of pain, sorrow, backstabbing and breakdowns. Throughout it all, I have somehow remained positive, enlightened, friendly and loyal. At any rate, I thought that was the case.

It took me years of abuse to recognize I was affected by it all, instead of just using it as motivation and a reason to remain focused as I thought I was. Now, every situation and every person I come across I don’t trust. I immediately look for the ulterior motive, pain or lies behind whatever good I may see.

How do I fix this? I believe I’m robbing myself of being happy because of all the anger, pain and remorse I harbor. I’m not aware that I harbor the pain until the time comes for me to be happy, and then I can’t. Please help.

Jane

Dear Jane,

Life is precious and it’s meant to be enjoyed. Of course, we all have problems, and we all want a better tomorrow. But that takes work, and many just don’t know how to go about it.

Now that you admit you have a problem with wasting valuable time worrying over what could have been, change your focus to where you go from here.

First, give thanks for everything that’s happened — the good as well as the bad — because it’s shaped who you are. You can choose to hang onto those hurts and pains, or you can use them to your advantage. Consider this time a second chance at life. Everyone deserves a second chance — you included.

Lack of trust and the habit of looking for an ulterior motive will kill any relationship.

Two problems are apparent here; being hurt in the past, and low self-esteem. Tack the list of daily affirmations below on your fridge and bathroom mirror, and repeat them several times a day. Say them out loud:

• I deserve to love others and for others to love me.

• It is OK to feel safe, and trust others in order to live a good life.

• I deserve a good life.

• I will let go of the past and welcome a bright, new future with open arms.

Just as you give others a chance, give yourself a chance. You know the famous words of Alfred Lord Tennyson: “Tis better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all.”

Start each day on a positive note. Make a conscious decision to make it the best day possible. If you don’t accomplish all you want during the day, that’s all right. There’s always tomorrow.

Dr. Archer

Dear Dr. Archer,

I am a 10+ on the hyper alert/generalized anxiety disorder continuum. After reading your book, Better Than Normal for the third time I wondered how I had missed it. But I realized it was due to my denial of many of the behaviors described, like staying in bed (for years) and being inattentive to my child’s needs. 

Yes, the anxiety has been going on for many years, getting so bad it has turned into severe depression, especially in the last year. 

The anxiety has gotten so bad I’m anxious even when there’s no reason, like when I’m just sitting here in my home with my dog and a book. 

Recently, I sought help and my therapist was very thoughtful and kind. My issue is that the psychiatrist who is head of this county’s mental health facility talked to me one time and prescribed medications — an antidepressant and antipsychotic drug that I don’t want to take. 

The first one I don’t mind, but the second one — no way! I don’t believe I’m psychotic. But mostly, I don’t want to be taking medications before I receive blood work and a thorough physical from a physician. 

The issue is telling this to the psychiatrist when I see her. I didn’t mention any of this to her when she first prescribed them. How do I break this to her without getting upset and anxious before I go to my next appointment?

Pia

Dear Pia,

Thank you for your sentiments regarding Better Than Normal. I’m glad it helped you become aware of various behaviors and traits.

Regarding the medications, it’s too bad you didn’t have an open discussion at the time. Although antipsychotics were first developed to treat schizophrenia, many new, excellent antipsychotic drugs have been developed and are effective for treating depression as well.

It is estimated that 40 percent of patients do not get relief from just one antidepressant, so sometimes an antipsychotic will be prescribed, as well. This “add on” often does the trick.

Of course, this is true in some cases, not all. If you have reservations, you have every right to ask questions and offer concerns.

My advice for you is to cancel your next appointment. Get the results of your blood work and physical, and then return to the psychiatrist with your results. At this time, discuss with her your concerns and reservations and ask why the anti-psychotic was prescribed.

There is no reason to let this make you upset or anxious. Trust me, your doctor wants to hear what you have to say.

Dr. Archer

Dr. Dale Archer is a board-certified psychiatrist who founded the Institute for Neuropsychiatry in Southwest Louisiana. He is a frequent guest on Fox News, CNN Headline News and other national TV programs, and the author of the New York Times’ bestselling book Better than Normal.  Visit him at DrDaleArcher.com.