FOUND IT!!

At a recent art show at Paris’ Palais de Tokyo, Italian artist Sven Sachsalber brought in a large haystack, dropped a needle into it and gave himself two days to find it. Late the next day, he picked it up. The Palais de Tokyo describes itself as an “anti-museum par excellence.”

Squiggly

All sorts of new terms for describing sexuality are popping up on online dating sites, where members have apparently become picky about how they describe their sexuality. Terms recently spotted include “genderqueer” (evidently not the same as “gay”), “questioning,” “trans man,” “transmasculine,” “heteroflexible” and “sapiosexual” (turned on by “intelligence”). Some users find even these choices inadequate. One young woman described her sexual orientation as “squiggly” and received many complements on the term.

The Managerial Psychopath

Britain’s Home Office revealed that one government plan for nuclear attack on the country was to commission “psychopaths” to help keep order. Psychopaths, the home office says, are “very good in crises” because “they have no feelings for others, nor moral code, and tend to be very intelligent and logical.” Thus, argued the home office, they could do quite well at containing the vigilante survivalist enclaves that might develop in the event parts of the kingdom became lawless. After a long debate, the suggestion was rejected.

Ironies

— Three homes on the Pacific coast near Grayland, Wash., were washed away by violent rainstorms in early December. But the residents had seen it coming. The longtime local name for the area is “Washaway Beach.” Said one, “I knew it was going to happen sooner or later, but I had hoped it wasn’t this soon.”

— In November, an airline’s advertising staff created the slogan “Want to go somewhere, but don’t know where?” and convinced management to send it, via Twitter, to the airline’s thousands of followers. The airline in question was Malaysia Airlines, whose Flight 370 still has not been found.

— A theatrical producer in Madrid found a way around Spain’s recent steep sales tax increase on certain entertainment venues (sports, movies, live theater). It sold back issues of vintage pornographic magazines for $20 each. Each issue included a “free” ticket to the new stage production by director Pedro Calderon de la Barca. A show ticket carries a 21 percent tax, but a pornographic magazine is still taxed at 4 percent.

Just Photographing The Chickens

Zak Hardy, 18, and Terrill Stoltz, 41, were charged in separate incidents with photographing women in bathrooms without their permission. Hardy, caught in a public restroom in Exeter, England, pointing his phone from one stall to another, explained that he was trying to see whether his phone was waterproof. Stoltz claimed the camera he set up in his ex-girlfriend’s bathroom in Billings, Mont., was used to enable him to have a photographic record of the times when he cleaned his chickens in the bathtub.

Compelling Explanations

Eric Opitz, 45, who was indicted on 13 counts of fraud in Philadelphia, explained that the reason he needed human growth hormone (which he resold) was that he was really a dwarf and feared he would recede if he stopped the medication. Optiz is 6 feet, 3 inches tall.

The New Normal

An Oceanside, Cal., couple was surprised to discover that buying a purebred bichon frise on credit meant they were only leasing the dog for 27 months and would have to make a 28th payment to actually own Tresor. Furthermore, the lease, under a “repo” threat, required “daily exercise,” “regular bathing and grooming” and “immediate” disposal of Tresor’s “waste.” A spokesperson for the store, Oceanside Puppy, told the San Diego Union-Tribune that the arrangement is fairly standard for expensive pets.

First-World Problems

— NBC’s Today show reported on the “heartbreak” parents feel when they give their child a name they believe is unique, then learn that the name (for example, “Mason,” “Liam,” “Lily”) is in fact on BabyCenter’s list of the most popular baby names of 2014.

— After hearing tenants’ complaints, the New York City Council is now considering a regulation requiring landlords to post notices if a common area or amenity can’t be used for 24 hours or more. This applies to elevators and laundry rooms, but would also extend to any air hockey or foosball facilities in the building.

Perspective

Elephants, rhesus monkeys, cobras, cows and water buffalo are regarded as sacred by many of India’s Hindus. The animals do not live idyllic lives, according to a November BBC News dispatch. As “growing populations are swallowing up habitat,” the sacred animals are forced to the cities, where they must dodge traffic, forage garbage for food and endanger themselves when they encounter people who don’t feel that they’re holy. A November news report revealed customers at an ATM in Delhi harassing cobras. As representatives of Lord Ganesha, elephants live well only during religious festivals. Otherwise they must navigate asphalt and potholes that tear up their hooves. In another recent incident, some Hindu leaders protested a drive to kill rats that had infested the Maharaja Yeshwantrao hospital in Indore — because Lord Ganesha was depicted riding a mouse.

Police Report

— In a 2012 incident in Cleveland, 13 officers chased two unarmed black homeless drug users at high speeds and fired 137 shots at the pair, killing them. Police claimed they thought they had been shot at. But witnesses said the sound in question was made when a car backfired. As a punishment for “communication” failure, the 13 were placed on limited desk duty for 16 months and subjected to investigation. Recently, nine of the 13 officers sued the city, charging that non-black officers are historically and illegally disciplined more harshly for mistakes when victims are black.

— Four officers in Tayport, Scotland, arrested Irene Clark, 65, who spent 48 hours in jail after the arrest. What Clark had done was swat her husband with a magazine while the two were arguing over TV programs. The husband received a paper cut.

— Christopher Saunders, 38, pleaded guilty in North Devon, England, to possession of 0.09 grams of marijuana, which was said to have a value of 14 cents.

— Keith Shannon, 44, was sentenced to two years’ probation in Letterkenny, Ireland, for twice swiping tester packets of aftershave at a Boots store. The tester packets are valued at 2 cents each.

— John Biehn, 39, in court in Rockville, Conn., on an old DUI charge, was released on bail but managed to get arrested and released on bail three more times in two towns over the following 11 hours. He was arrested twice for DUI and once for shoplifting.

— On Nov. 30, an allegedly intoxicated Dwayne Fenlason, 48, drove his pickup truck into a ditch in Pomfret, Vt. For this action, he received a DUI citation. He later drove an SUV to the scene to pull the truck out. At that time, he received a second DUI. Next, he drove an all-terrain vehicle to the scene. You guessed it; he got a third DUI.

Cliché Come To Life

For her Advanced Placement World History class at Magnolia (Texas) West High School, Reagan Hardin constructed an elaborate diorama of a Middle Ages farm — which her dog ate on the night before the project was due. Veterinarian Carl Southern performed the necessary scoping-out on Roscoe, extracting the plastic chicken head, horse body, sheep and pig, along with the wire that held the display together. Warned Dr. Southern: “Don’t put anything past your dog. We all say my dog would never eat that, and that’s the main thing he’ll eat.”

The Entrepreneurial Spirit

— Meg C Jewelry Gallery of Lexington, Ken., introduced a limited line of Kentucky-centric gold-plated necklaces and earrings in June. Each featured genuine Kentucky Fried Chicken bones. All stems were picked clean from KFC wings, washed, dried, sealed with varnish and conductive paint, copper-electroformed, and then electroplated with 14k gold. Small-bone necklaces go for $130 (large, $160), and earrings for $200 a pair. According to Meg C, these items can be used to accessorize anything from jeans to a little black dress.

— Silicon Valley startups now race to outdo each other in dreaming up luxuries to pamper workers. A Wall Street Journal report noted that the photo-sharing service Pinterest offers employee classes in the martial art “muay thai” and that it brought in an “artisanal jam maker” to create after-work cocktails. Several companies have hired hotel-concierge professionals to come in and manage their creative add-ons. Not every perk is granted, though. Pinterest turned down an employee’s request to install a zip line directly to a neighborhood bar.

Chutzpah!

— Jose Manuel Marino-Najera filed a lawsuit in Tucson, Ariz., against the U.S. Border Patrol because a K-9 dog bit his arm repeatedly during an arrest. Marino-Najera, who was illegally in the U.S., had been found sleeping under a tree near the Mexican border, holding 49 pounds of marijuana.

— Emerald White, owner of four pit bulls declared “dangerous” by Texas City, Texas, after they mauled a neighbor’s beagle to death, filed a lawsuit against the grieving neighbor. White said she had been injured trying to restrain her dogs in the skirmish, which had been facilitated by the neighbor’s failure to fix their common fence.

Not As Sturdy As They Used To Be

Some law students at Harvard, Columbia and Georgetown law schools demanded that professors postpone final exams because they were too traumatized by the grand jury decisions in Ferguson, Mo., and New York City, which, they said, cost them sleep and made them despair of the legal system’s lack of integrity. Critics cited by Bloomberg Business Week suggested that lawyers who cannot function at a high level in the face of injustice might fare poorly in the profession.

Fine Points Of The Law

Caitlyn Ricci, age 21, and estranged from her divorced parents, availed herself of a quirky New Jersey law that requires divorced parents to provide for their children’s college educations. Even though Caitlyn was a toddler at the time of the divorce, when she grew up, she chose an expensive out-of-state college to attend. Mom Maura McGarvey (who claims to be especially hard-hit by the tuition bill) and dad Michael Ricci are helping to sponsor “corrective” legislation.

Meth — The Miracle Drug

— Meth user Keith Berfield, 56, was arrested in Port St. Lucie, Fla.; he was outdoors and in the nude, praising “spiritual things in the sky.”

— An unnamed man in Waterbury, Conn., was caught harassing his neighbor’s pit bull. He explained that “ISIS sent me,” and said, “This is our day.”

— Meth user Brittany Thompson, 26, was arrested in Oklahoma City, lying near a busy intersection holding ordinary rocks that she described as “diamonds” that God sent her to gather.

Updates

— Sherwin Shayegan, who has been featured in News of the Weird before (for his longtime habit of demanding piggyback rides from high school athletes), was arrested again in Maryland on charges that he had mingled with players at boys’ high school basketball and hockey games, acting “creepy” and being thrown out.

— At about the time News of the Weird updated Indonesia’s “Sex Mountain” ritual four weeks ago, the governor of Central Java banned the practice because of the “shame” it brings to Indonesia (because prostitutes now flood the area, however, the Jakarta Post doubted that the ban would be respected by would-be “pilgrims,” who believe that sex with strangers brings prosperity).

Raccoon Fashion

— Fur designer Pamela Paquin debuted the first of her anticipated line of roadkill furs: raccoon neck muffs. “I can literally take two raccoons and put them butt to butt (so they) clasp neck to neck,” she said. They will sell for $1,000. Raccoons yield “luscious” fur, she said, but her favorite pelt is otter. The Massachusetts woman leaves her card with various New England road crews. Cards say: “Hi, my name is Pamela. Will you call me when you have roadkill?” She does business under the name “Petite Mort” (“little death” in French).

Feral Professor

Tihomir Petrov, 43, a mathematics professor at California State University Northridge, was charged in January, 2011, with allegedly urinating twice on the office door of another faculty member with whom he had been feuding. Petrov was identified by a hidden camera installed after the original puddle turned up. Petrov is the author of several scholarly papers, with titles such as “Rationality of Moduli of Elliptic Fibrations With Fixed Monodromy.”