— The newly inaugurated “Al-Qaeda in the Indian Subcontinent” (a project of Osama bin Laden’s successor, Ayman al-Zawahiri) failed spectacularly in its maiden mission in September when it attempted to commandeer an American aircraft carrier in port in Karachi, Pakistan. Actually, the ship was a misidentified Pakistani naval vessel that did not even vaguely resemble an aircraft carrier. Pakistani forces killed or captured all 10 jihadists.
— A September raid on an ISIS safe house in Syria turned up a Dell laptop owned by Tunisian jihadist “Muhammed S.,” which contained not only recipes for bubonic plague and ricin, but also a recipe for banana mousse and a variety of songs by Celine Dion.
Latest Religious Messages
— When Catholic priest Gerald Robinson died in July, many around the Diocese of Toledo, Ohio, were shocked to learn that his body was buried with full priestly rights. Wrote the diocese, Father Robinson “was a baptized member of the body of Christ, and he was, and remains, an ordained priest of the Roman Catholic Church.” In 2006, Robinson was convicted of murdering Sister Margaret Ann Pahl years earlier.
— Egyptian Muslim cleric Osama al-Qusi proclaimed that men could properly spy on women bathing, but only if they have “pure intentions.” For example, he wrote, if a man intended to marry the woman, he might learn some things otherwise unrevealed before the ceremony. Egypt’s minister for religious affairs, Mohamed Mokhtar, has already banned “tens of thousands” of “unlicensed” preachers from working in Egypt’s mosques because of similar embarrassing statements.
— Televangelist Jim Bakker no longer runs the Praise The Lord ministry. But he still operates a church near Branson, Mo., with a website selling a staggering array of consumer goods denominated as “love gifts” for worshippers who donate at certain levels via the website’s shopping cart. Featured are clothing, jewelry (some “Tiffany-like”), bulk foods, “Superfood” legacy seeds, fuel-efficient generators (and a “foldable solar panel”), vitamins and supplements, “Jim’s Favorite” foods (like ketchup), “survival” equipment and supplies, water filtration products, and “Silver Solution” gels and liquids ($25 for a 4-ounce tube). (The FDA has long refused to call colloidal silver “safe and effective.”) Of course, books, CDs and DVDs (and a digital download) of Bakker’s inspirational and prophetic messages are also available.
Professional Biology Research
The job of determining stress levels in whales is itself stressful. The most reliable information about tension can be found in hormones, which can best be gathered from the material a whale blasts out of its blowhole. By catching enough of it (or wiping it off their raincoats), scientists can run it through chemical tests. A team of engineering researchers at Olin College in Needham, Mass., told the Boston Globe they were on the verge of creating a radio-controlled, mucus-trapping drone that would reduce the stress the whales feel at being stalked by motorboats.
First-World Dilemmas
— Ten parking spaces (of 150 to 200 square feet each) one flight below the street at the apartment building at 42 Crosby St. in New York City have been offered for sale by the developer for $1 million each. That is nearly five times the median U.S. price for an entire home.
— New York City plastic surgeon Matthew Schulman told ABC News about an uptick in women’s calf liposuction procedures. The change is due to women’s frustration at not being able to squeeze into the latest must-have boots. The surgery is tricky because of the lack of calf fat. The recovery time of up to 10 months means surgery now will not help the fashion plates until next fall.
Round Up The Usual Suspects
Charged with growing marijuana at their home in Corvallis, Montana: Rodney Stoner, 57, and his son, Adam Stoner, 24.
Compelling Explanations
— Charged with trespassing in a church in Broward County, Fla., habitual petty offender Todd Bontrager, 47, admitted he had skirted the law a few times, but said he had done so only “to study.” “Incarceration improves your concentration abilities,” he told skeptical Judge John “Jay” Hurley, who promptly ordered him jailed, which would, the judge said, help him “further concentrate.”
— American Matthew Miller, 24, told the Associated Press that he had a “wild ambition” when he entered North Korea in April. He wanted to experience prison life there in order to secretly investigate the country’s human rights stance. In September, he was convicted of espionage in a 90-minute trial. He will be conducting his investigation while doing hard labor over a six-year period.
American Scenes
When three terrified people screamed out of an upper-story window in a house outside Dothan, Ala., they drew police in a hurry. They were trapped, they yelled — unable to escape because intruders were still inside, shooting at them. One “victim” said she had been stabbed, with the blade broken off inside her. With their own shotgun, the three had blown out several windows and walls defending themselves. They had even ripped out an upstairs toilet and sink and dropped them on an intruder outside. Police calmed the situation and later told reporters that there never were intruders. The “hostages” had imagined the whole thing. There was an estimated $10,000 damage. The home’s methamphetamine lab remained intact.
Least Competent Criminals
— Roma Sims, 35, of Westerville, Ohio, was sentenced to just over eight years in prison for stealing the identities of more than 500 people between 2009 and 2013. He was done because he misspelled the names of several cities in various documents while he was working the scheme. For example, the largest city in Kentucky is not “Louieville.” as Sims wrote.
— In Sebastopol, Calif., Dylan Stables, 20, already on probation, was arrested mid-morning on July 22 when, with stolen credit cards in his possession, he decided to drive his car, even though it had transmission problems. Police noticed him as he slowly drove through town in reverse gear.
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