SHOPAHOLIC

Dear Dr. Archer,

My wife goes on shopping sprees often, spending huge amounts of money and buying things we don’t need. It’s like she’s addicted to shopping. 

There are other times she is terribly depressed and can barely get out of bed. What’s going on?

Freddy

Hi Freddy,

I think your wife may have manic depression, also called bipolar disorder. One of the hallmarks of the manic phase is impulsivity, which often takes the form of wild spending sprees. At the other end of the spectrum is severe depression, which can sometimes become suicidal.

Manic depression is caused by a chemical imbalance in the brain’s emotion center. You can think of this emotion center as a thermostat in a central air unit that cools and heats a home. In most people, this thermostat fluctuates between up and down, depending on a variety of factors. However in someone with bipolar disorder it can get stuck in the high position, which leads to mania, or in the low position, which leads to depression.

The good news is this condition can be treated completely. I suggest your wife have an evaluation right away with a psychiatrist. Good luck.

Dr. Archer

Dear Dr. Archer,

I am 45 and have an extremely jealous nature — I mean extremely jealous — and have lost several boyfriends because of it. I’m jealous of provocative photographs in magazines and movies. If I catch a boyfriend looking at another woman, I go crazy. 

I try to control my jealousy, but it always gets the best of me. 

What’s wrong with me? Why do I seem to want to be the only woman in a man’s world? I don’t know how to control it. 

Help me! I don’t want to be alone the rest of my life. 

Kaye

Hi Kaye,

You definitely have a problem. The first, and often hardest, step in overcoming a problem is recognizing and admitting that you have one. So you’ve got that going for you.

Jealousy in a relationship can be defined as feeling mental discomfort due to the perception that your significant other is giving attention, love or affection to a third party. In the end it all comes down to feeling secure about yourself and trusting your partner.

So as always, start with an analysis of yourself. Are you happy with who you are — your life, job, career and family? If not, then which areas would you like to change?

Make a list of the top 10 things you like about yourself and the top 10 you don’t. Then set about making changes to reduce the negatives. In the end you can’t be happy in a relationship unless you’re happy with yourself.

Jealousy, even though it is directed at another, comes from within each of us. Thus we have to turn inward to fix the problem.

Once you start feeling better about yourself, you’ll feel you deserve the same in a relationship. At that point, you learn to trust, and jealousy will no longer be an issue — unless of course that trust is violated. But, in that case, the new you would not get jealous. You would walk away because you now know you’re a good, happy person and deserve better.

Dr. Archer

Dear Dr. Archer,

My 16-year-old son likes to look at fire to relieve stress. He admitted to burning several small pieces of paper in his room as well as starting small fires outside. 

His father and I are concerned about this behavior. His father thinks this is a sign of a severe mental disorder and wants him to start therapy immediately. 

I’m concerned, but know our son won’t accept therapy and it could harm him more than help. 

I don’t know how to handle this. What should I do?

Jean 

Hi Jean,

Mankind has been fascinated by fire ever since its “discovery” thousands of years ago. No wonder that to this day, just sitting and staring at a fire can be relaxing and comforting.

Our genes still associate fire with safety. Some of us are more fascinated with fire than others. Just because your son shows this interest is by no means indicative of a mental problem.

Have a talk with him about fire and its origins. Talk about ways he can constructively be associated with fire — perhaps by joining the Boy Scouts and learning to camp and build a fire or being in charge of the grill at the family barbecue.

You should also discuss the potential harm fire can cause if it’s not properly monitored. Be sure to go over fire safety rules: no fire inside, no fire without supervision, no fire unless it’s in a safe, designed place, etc.

Your son should be fine with the proper supervision. But if he’s not, then there may be other underlying issues that he won’t discuss that need to be addressed by a professional.

Dr. Archer

Dr. Dale Archer is a board certified psychiatrist who founded the Institute for Neuropsychiatry in Southwest Louisiana.  He is a frequent guest on Fox News, CNN Headline News and other national TV programs, and the author of the New York Times’ bestselling book Better than Normal.  Visit him at DrDaleArcher.com.