2013 LAGNIAPPE AWARDS

Brad Goins Wednesday, January 8, 2014 0
2013 LAGNIAPPE AWARDS

The Object Of Desire Award

MARY LANDRIEU

All year long, a lot of Louisiana Republicans were desperately yearning for what Mary Landrieu had — a seat in the U.S. Senate. In fact, in the first part of the year, the number of suitors for Mary’s seat was so great that some movers and shakers in New Orleans tried to organize a Running of the Elephants.

 

The Leader Of The Pack Award

BILL CASSIDY

When Louisiana Republicans got serious about having only one major candidate oppose Sen. Landrieu, Congressman Bill Cassidy reaped the benefits. When the year ended, there was only one Big Dog. Now the only challenge facing the Big Dog is to get voters to learn his name.

 

The I’ve Got A Secret Award

DAVID VITTER

This year’s award is given to a famous politician and acquaintance of escorts who’s not quite willing to confess that he’s going to run for governor. David, it’s only the bad news you’ve got to refuse to talk about; the good news you can admit to right away.

 

The Harold And Maude Award

EDWIN AND TRINA EDWARDS

Everyone in TV-land was wondering what a 35-year-old trophy bride was doing with an 86-year-old man. As for the Harold and Maude resemblance, if the happy couple wasn’t going to funerals, it was only because it hadn’t yet occurred to Edwards that going to funerals might be fun.

There’s a second award for this lucky couple: The Hasty Exit Award. Who would have thought that with all of Edwards’ clout, his TV show would fail to launch … and nose dive after a mere three episodes. Triple plays are rare — but TV viewers are thanking their lucky stars there was one in this game.

 

The Great Expectations Award

JOHN KENNEDY    

For years, everybody in Louisiana has been convinced this guy is going to run for some state office. It’s just that nobody can figure out what office he’s going to run for. If he doesn’t run for something soon, he’ll be a shoe-in for Lagniappe’s Most Disappointed Man Award.

 

The Leader Of The Pack Award

BILL CASSIDY

When Louisiana Republicans got serious about having only one major candidate oppose Sen. Landrieu, Congressman Bill Cassidy reaped the benefits. When the year ended, there was only one Big Dog. Now the only challenge facing the Big Dog is to get voters to learn his name.

 

The Tea Party Award

ROB MANESS

Traditional and moderate Republicans all over the country cringe at the prospect of a Tea Party candidate entering a major race, knocking out viable Republican candidates and handing Democrats a victory. Well, such a Tea Party candidate has appeared in Louisiana and his name is Rob Maness. You may not know that name, and you may not know it a year from now. But if he keeps a Republican candidate out of office, you’ll definitely be hearing a lot about his tea party.

 

The Clue Award

ANY LOUISIANA DEMOCRAT

All over Louisiana, political writers were desperately looking for a Democrat — any Democrat — in the state of Louisiana. Political writers have to make a living, just like anybody else. And to make a living, they have to have something to write about. And let’s face it — you can only write so many stories about Jay Dardenne before you start babbling and go drooling in the streets.

 

The Wall Street Award

BOBBY JINDAL

If Louisiana doesn’t finish 2013 as the most privatized state in the country, it won’t be for Bobby Jindal’s lack of trying. As of press time, Jindal and crew were working on a new proposal to privatize bird song.

 

The Water Boy Award

JOE BIDEN

Poor Joe Biden. This time he got picked as the unlucky guy who was going to have to fly all the way to Asia to pretend that the U.S. was taking China’s expanded fly zone seriously. Hey Joe, don’t let the screen door hit you on the way out. “You never have any friends ‘cept fo yo mama.”

 

The Train Wreck Award

BARACK OBAMA

The president may not show up to get this award, which is being given in recognition of the turmoil and chaos that accompanied the rollout of the Affordable Care Act. This turned out to be one of those situations in which first impressions count — a lot. Next time somebody needs to put on a little make-up before the ball.

The president gets a second award this year — The Top Gun Award — for all his big talk about the big payload of bombs he was going to drop on Syria. The only people more disappointed than the country’s Democrats were its bomber pilots.

 

The Hasty Exit Award

EDWARD AND TRINA EDWARDS

This just in: There’s a second award for this lucky couple. Who would have thought that with all of Edwards’ clout, his TV show would fail to launch … and nose dive after a mere three episodes. Triple plays are rare — but TV viewers are thanking their lucky stars there was one in this game.