BULLYING IN SWLA: A ROUNDTABLE DISCUSSION

Karla Wall Wednesday, November 20, 2013 Comments Off on BULLYING IN SWLA: A ROUNDTABLE DISCUSSION
BULLYING IN SWLA: A ROUNDTABLE DISCUSSION

Bullying Roundtable: Local Experts Discuss Options Available To Victims And Bullies And Their Families

 

Bullying has been in the forefront of news in the last couple of years, with several cases of kids committing suicide as a result of being bullied.

Lagniappe sat down with local school officials and local counselors to discuss the issue. On hand for the roundtable discussion were Keri Forbess-McCorquodale, owner of Solutions Counseling and EAP in Lake Charles; Sara McDonald, counselor with Family and Youth; Wayne Savoy, Calcasieu Parish School superintendent; Sabra Soileau, coordinator of positive behavior support for Calcasieu Parish schools; and Kirby Smith, public information officer for the Calcasieu Parish school system.

Clockwise from left:  Sabra Soileau, Wayne Savoy,  Sara McDonald, Karla Wall,  Keri Forbess-McCorquodale,  and Kirby Smith.

Clockwise from left: Sabra Soileau, Wayne Savoy, Sara McDonald, Karla Wall,
Keri Forbess-McCorquodale, and Kirby Smith.

What follows is a roundtable discussion on the topic of bullying with local school officials and local counselors; a rundown of how many incidents of bullying the Calcasieu Parish School System has handled over the last few years; the school system’s policy for handling cases of bullying; and a feature profiling a local martial arts fighter whose anti-bullying presentations to area students use fun, laughter and a new definition of the term “superhero” to help students deal with being bullied and to avoid becoming bullies.

It’s information designed to let area parents in on what the school system is doing to address the problem of bullying, and what they can do to help.

Lagniappe: According to the National Education Assoc., 160,000 students miss school every year because of bullying. According to the National School Safety Center, 2.7 million children are bullying victims each year, 282,000 children were attacked by bullies each month over the last year, and one in seven students in grades K-12 is either a bully or is being bullied. This is not a small problem. And I want to talk in a moment about how big a problem it is here in Calcasieu Parish. 

But first, let’s define what bullying is. What exactly is bullying, and how does it differ from normal childhood teasing and normal childhood behaviors? What is the threshold? What is the duration? Frequency? Level of intimidation? What constitutes bullying?

 

Keri Forbess-McCorquodale: I think a lot of it has to do with not necessarily the intent of the bully, but more how it’s perceived by the victim. Whenever the victim begins to be affected at a certain level — whether it’s physical, such as being sick all the time or experiencing sleep problems, or psychological, such as anxiety issues — then it’s crossed the line.

Because everybody has different tolerance levels. Some people can blow it off; others are truly and deeply affected by bullying.

Karla Wall and Keri Forbess-McCorquodale

Karla Wall and Keri Forbess-McCorquodale

So that’s one aspect of it. Another is the level of the teasing. Making fun of somebody one time is not bullying. It’s a problem when it continues and becomes a pattern.

And bullying doesn’t end in high school. We do a lot of work not only with kids who are being bullied, but also with adults who are dealing with being bullied. Bullying in the workplace is a huge issue for human resources. This isn’t something that ends with high school.

Bullies who are allowed to behave inappropriately in school grow up to bring that behavior with them into the workplace. It continues to impact everyone.

 

LAG: So if a student just has that mentality, and if he or she is allowed to get away with it, they become bullies as an adult.

 

KFM: Yes. And bullies are also good at choosing their victims. They tend to choose people who are not going to stand up for themselves, and who aren’t going to fight back.

And bullies are also good at “spreading the love.” Once bullies see that bullying works on one kid, they have that “aha moment,” and they realize they have some power. And they begin to spread it around.

 

Sabra Soileau: Our school system is actually given a definition to go by from the state Dept. of Education. It has to do with a pattern of one or more behaviors, including gestures, facial expressions, written electronic or verbal communications, taunting and physical acts — not just hitting or pushing, but taking of another’s property and other acts.

Sabra Soileau, Wayne Savoy and Sara McDonald

Sabra Soileau, Wayne Savoy and Sara McDonald

 

LAG: But those things have been happening among schoolchildren forever. Are we just hearing more about it now? Is it that children are less able to tolerate it now? 

SS: Bullying has become a buzzword — all of these behaviors we’ve seen for years and years are now being called bullying. But what constitutes bullying is a pattern of behavior between the same group of students.

 

LAG: So it’s a matter of duration?

 

SS: It is. And a matter of power shift. If a power change takes place to such a degree that the victim doesn’t want to go to school, then it’s a bullying situation.

 

Kirby Smith: There’s also been a change in the perception of the terminology: of being labeled a bully and a victim of bullying.

 

Sara McDonald: As a counselor, I work mostly with children and their parents. I would say there’s been a shift in the resiliency of children, as well, and the terminology does have something to do with that. One of the first things I discuss with a child who’s been identified as a victim of bullying is the terminology. The term “bullied” has a dual relationship with the term “victim.” When children identify with the word “bullied,” that affects their ability to handle that situation, and their way of approaching the issue.

 

Wayne Savoy: The word “bullying” is used to cover a lot of things, and our responsibility as educators is to sift through all of those things and get to the real truth. There’s a process we use to determine the answer to that original question of when teasing crosses the line into bullying.

We stick to that process because bullying is not acceptable. But for that process to work, there has to be a support system for both the child accused of bullying and the child making the accusation of bullying. When there’s a case before us, both of the families are included — those of the child being accused of bullying and of the child making the accusation. And that family involvement is making a huge difference.

 

LAG: How big a problem are we looking at in Calcasieu Parish? How many cases of bullying do parish schools deal with?

 

SS: The numbers have changed somewhat over the last few years because we’ve recently [added] harassment to the list of behaviors that fall under bullying. But we had 1,000 cases last year. In 2010, we had 338 cases of bullying, 572 cases of threatening behavior, 157 cases of harassment, and 133 cases of sexual harassment. It’s a small percentage of the student body.

LAG: And how are those cases handled? What’s the process in dealing with a bullying situation?

SS: We actually have a flow chart that we go by (Note: See accompanying sidebar). We outline what steps are to be taken in these cases. We have a reporting form to be filled out.

It’s very important for us to get it in writing, because stories can change.

After the report is filled out, the school administration follows the process and completes an eight-page investigation form, which involves interviews with the families. As soon as we start the investigation, we notify the parents.

 

WS: And it’s not unusual for us to have communication between my office, Sabra’s office and the school administration to ensure that everything is handled properly. If everyone’s on the same page, then we proceed.

Wayne Savoy

Wayne Savoy

We have contracts that are signed by each child involved in a bullying situation promising that they’ll stay away from each other. Sometimes these cases involve students who have had issues with each other since elementary school.

There are a lot of things we can do, but everyone has to cooperate. If one part of the contract is not followed, then you’re right back where you started.

LAG: Other than the contracts, what are some of the consequences  of bullying in parish schools?

 

SS: Bullying is a level three offence. There are four levels, with the fourth level consisting of code-blue offences, such as drugs, alcohol or weapons.

The consequences for bullying can range from having to take a social skills class, or a conflict resolution class, all the way to out-of-school suspension, depending on the situation.

 

LAG: And what is the school system doing to address the issue of bullying? What are some of the education and awareness programs you have?

 

SS: There are things we’ve done to increase awareness among teachers. We’ve initiated a three-hour module for teachers on identifying bullying situations, how to intervene in those situations, and suicide and how it’s related to bullying.

I do think it’s making a difference. I think teachers are now more aware.

But a lot of these situations don’t happen during class. They happen while you’re having 500 students moving through the halls between classes. They’re happening on the playgrounds and on football fields. They’re not happening while we’re teaching math. So sometimes teachers may not have a chance to identify those situations.

 

WS: You’re looking at a minimum of 380 structured minutes of class time per day. In between those times is when most bullying situations take place. And that’s what makes it difficult. A lot of times, the problem is brought up at home, and then brought to our attention. Then we can address the problem.

 

LAG: Let’s talk a bit about what causes a child to bully. And what’s the typical profile of a child who’s bullied? What are some of the signs that parents can watch for in order to prevent a problem?

 

SM: I don’t know that you can categorize it that way. Anyone could potentially be a bully, or be bullied. Research shows, though, that being a bully is just as harmful for the bully as it is for the child being bullied. That’s why it’s important to pay attention to both sides.

Sara McDonald

Sara McDonald

Children who are bullies actually have a higher incidence of chronic depression, and even suicidality, than those who’ve been identified as victims. So it’s more detrimental to the bully to allow a situation to continue. A lot of these people tend to be isolated, and have poor social skills, obviously.

 

KFM: If your reaction when something makes you unhappy is to overpower someone else, then you bring that with you into the real world, and that’s not looked upon positively. So these people lack the skills they need to navigate life, and they end up being socially isolated.

 

 LAG: What are some of the signs that a child is being bullied?

 

SS: They’ll start trying to avoid going to school, claiming stomach aches and headaches more frequently. They’ll exhibit anxiety when in certain areas of the school. They’ll start to exhibit a fear of walking home or taking the bus.

We’ve had students ask to stay late and help out the teachers  because they don’t want to ride the bus — they’d rather wait for their parents to pick them up. These are some signs that maybe something isn’t right in the student’s typical day.

 

SM: It’s very important for parents to be proactive. Parents need to get into the habit of communicating with their children on a regular basis: say, sitting down to supper together and talking. If parents don’t talk to their kids on a regular basis, it’s much less likely that their kids will come to them with a problem.

 

KFM: I work with way too many children who have way too much time to themselves; they’re filling that time playing video games or watching TV. They’re not talking to anyone, so they lack the ability to communicate with their parents because that’s not part of their everyday lives.

I’m a big believer in limiting TV and video games to an hour or an hour and a half a day. That forces a family to interact.

I’m also a big believer in having dinner together as a family, with the TV off, so that you actually look at one another and talk; so that you’re comfortable talking to each other. If you don’t talk to your children, [they] aren’t in the habit of talking to you about little things; they’re certainly not going to talk to you about the big issues. So setting that tone of interaction and communication is very important.

 

LAG: What about when a parent determines that there is a problem? What steps should parents take if their child is being bullied or is being a bully?

 

WS: First of all, they should bring the matter up to the administration at their child’s school. Go to the school principal, or assistant principal, and discuss the problem. The main thing is to notify the administration.

Once the parents notify the administration, the process of taking care of the problem is begun. The sooner the school knows about the problem, the sooner we can get involved and address the problem.

 

SS: For a situation that’s not happening at school, though — because these things can happen on the weekends and after school — parents should go to the police and file a statement.

The key is to let someone know there’s a problem and that you’re taking a stand against it. It’s important to make everyone aware of the situation.

 

LAG: Can a parent over-react? Can they foster a mindset in their child that they can’t take care of themselves?

 

KFM: There’s a whole generation of what we call “helicopter parents,” who hover over their children. And those children never learn how to have their own voice; never learn how to fight their own battles; and never learn how to stand up for themselves. And anytime anything goes the least bit wrong for those children, the parents swoop in and rescue them.

And that’s created a whole generation of kids who aren’t used to experiencing negative emotions — it’s not OK to be sad, it’s not OK to be angry, it’s not OK to hurt — because they’ve never been allowed to experience those emotions, and they don’t know how to cope with that.

 

LAG: How do you walk that line, then, between preventing a bullying situation from getting out of hand and being overprotective?

 

KFM: To me, it’s talking to the child involved and getting a full sense of the situation. Age also makes a difference, obviously. You deal with a high school student differently than  you would an elementary student.

I’m a big believer in trying to empower the child, saying to them “How would you rather handle the situation?” or “What do you think needs to happen next?” — trying to get a feel for how far they want you to go in rescuing them.

Most kids would love to be able to handle their own situations, but often they haven’t been given the opportunity to do that. To me, the first step is talking to the child who’s being bullied and saying, let’s figure out how to make you less attractive to bullies.

Again, bullies choose as their victims people they think are going to respond the way the bully wants them to respond.

 

SM: Often, parents want to rush in and rescue children. They don’t want to see their children hurting. And it takes a lot of support and coaching of parents to help them understand that sometimes it’s OK for their children to feel bad. If a child is in his bedroom crying, and comes out after two or three hours, on his own, wiping his eyes but no longer crying, then he’s dealt with that emotion, and he’s developed skills to cope with that.

 

LAG: What about the other side of the coin? How do parents deal with a bully?

WS: I think that if everyone’s involved in the process of taking care of the problem, then each family understands the other’s perspective. The parents of the child being bullied see that the parents of the child doing the bullying want what’s best for the child being bullied, too. They don’t want their child involved in hurting another child.

I’ve found that in most cases the parents are truly surprised that this is happening. And I believe that parents of a bully can’t help but think of what they would do if someone were doing this to their child.

KFM: I see way more victims than I do bullies. I don’t find that kids are being brought into therapy because they’ve been bullying. So I’m very heartened to hear that when you sit down with those parents that they’re willing to look at the situation and deal with it appropriately.

KS: I think that when you talk about helicopter parents, the tendency in that group is to say, “No, not my child.” I think what’s great about the process we use in the school system is that it says to the parents, “We want to help you; we’re not attacking your child; we’re trying to help your child with the tools that we have available, because we have wonderful tools we can offer both sides.”

Kirby Smith

Kirby Smith

SS: I feel for the parents involved in a situation like this, because I know they’re having some heartache. The parents of the bully are hurting, too. For the most part, I find these parents cooperative, but sometimes emotions are heightened, and parents are sensitive, but they realize we have to look at the steps we can take to eliminate the problem.

 

LAG: How are schools getting the word out about bullying?

 

SS: Schools are taking it upon themselves to get the word out, for the most part. Sulphur High is having someone come in in November to speak to the sophomore and junior classes, because they’ve identified a problem in those groups. Vinton Middle School ordered books this year that contain bullying lessons in them — lessons on identifying a bullying situation; a checklist to help you determine if you’re being bullied; how to stand up and say no.

SM: When you look at the effectiveness of a lot of those training programs, the one that is found to be most effective, which is only at 50 percent, is bystander training — training people to stand up and intervene …

SS: And say “No, that’s not OK.” We’re teaching kids to draw attention to it.

KS: Schools email me all the time about programs, speakers and other things they’re doing. For example, St. John Elementary recently got a visit from Mrs. Jindal, and the teachers decided to all wear their anti-bullying shirts that day. And that sends a very strong message to our teachers and our schools.

And I think there’s been a paradigm shift in the last 15 years or so in looking at the problem. The solution to the problem back then might have been, “take care of it after school on the playground.” There’s a really different outlook on the problem now. Teachers are aware of it; administrators are aware of it.

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