Seriously?

“With its neatly cut lawns and luscious tropical vegetation,” wrote a BBC News reporter in July, Miracle Village, Fla., is an “idyllic rural community” of 200 residents. About half of these are registered sex offenders who are attracted to the settlement near Lake Okeechobee because laws and ordinances elsewhere in Florida harshly restrict where they can live. Other residents might have been apprehensive in 2009 when a pastor started the local rehabilitation ministry. One even called it a “nightmare on Elm Street.” But no one could recall a single impropriety involving an offender. Lately, 10 to 20 applications for residency arrive each week. These are screened to keep out diagnosed pedophiles and those with a history of drugs or violence.

Can’t Possibly Be True

— Dana Carter’s debut as principal of Calimesa Elementary School in California’s San Bernardino County was quite inauspicious, as parents objected to his policy of requiring kids to drop to one knee when they addressed him. One parent said her daughter was forced to kneel while she waiting for his attention; she was only able to rise when he lifted his arms. Carter said he would discontinue the policy. He insisted he had instituted it for “safety” and not because he imagined himself as royalty.

—The U.S. Dept. of Agriculture announced recently that it would exempt four Chinese companies from USDA inspections of their processed chicken exports. The changes are part of the department’s money-saving streamlining, which also cuts back on domestic regulation. These proposals have already drawn criticism from the Government Accountability Office because they would replace many on-site USDA inspectors with employees of the food-processing plants.

— It was tough for performance artists Doug Melnyk and Ian Mozdzen to defend their controversial show at the Winnipeg Fringe Festival in July. Wrote one reviewer: “What I saw on the stage were not one, not two, but three mayonnaise enemas. I do not need to see any more mayonnaise enemas for the rest of my lifetime.” Explained Melnyk, to a Canadian Broadcasting Corp. reporter in July, if all you’re trying to do is “figure out what people want and you make it for them, that’s not art. … You’re just a shoemaker.”

Unclear on the Concept

— In August, the Mother Nature Network website showcased an array of camping gear designed for the daintiest of those who are “roughing” it. The Blofield outdoor couch inflates in minutes to produce a facsimile of a Las Vegas lounge sofa. The Rolla Roaster’s 42-inch-long steel fork assures elegance (and evenness) in marshmallow-roasting. For fashion-conscious backwoods women, Teva makes high-heeled hiking sandals ($330). The mother of all Swiss army knives, by Wenga, has so many gadgets that it suggests a parody of a Swiss army knife. To be a camper is to sleep in a tent, though — and why not the trailer-mounted Opera tent, including hardwood floors and a wine cooler?

— A July direct-mail campaign by Canada’s Conservative Party that was intended to show concern for the disabled population began with a wave of brochures, “Supporting Jobs for All Canadians” (meaning the disabled as well). The brochures featured the well-known wheelchair symbol and a message in a series of Braille dots. However, the brochure was useless to blind recipients, who could neither see the dots nor read them, as the dots were printed on a flat surface.

— By her own admission, Joan Hoyt, 61, of St. Louis, has difficulty writing, is easily distracted, needs frequent breaks, and “reads about 2 1/2 times slower than her peers.” Still, she wants to be a lawyer. She filed a lawsuit against the Law School Admission Council for special accommodations to take the standardized admissions test after the council offered to grant her “only” 156 extra minutes for the exam. She also demanded a room by herself with a “white noise” machine and the ability to bring a computer and food and drinks to the exam. States have made similar accommodations for bar exams. But in those cases, the applicants have endured the intellectual rigors of law school.

Undignified Deaths

(1) A 40-year-old woman was killed in a near-head-on collision in August in Spring Lake, Fla., while she was joy-riding on a back road at night on her dirt bike. She was accidentally hit by her husband, who was also joy-riding, in his all-terrain vehicle, and who also died. (2) A 50-year-old man in Berne, N.Y., was killed in August when he was driving an all-terrain vehicle. He virtually decapitated himself on a nearly invisible wire strung across a road as one of a series of booby traps he had installed to protect his marijuana plants.

Weird News Classic (November 2010)  

About 20 percent of Japan’s adult-video market is now “elder porn,” with each production featuring one or more senior. Shigeo Tokuda, 76, is among the most popular. He told Toronto’s Globe and Mail in October, 2010, that he still “performs” physically “without Viagra,” in at least one role a month opposite much younger women. His wife and adult daughter learned only two years ago, by accident, of his late-onset career, which began at age 60 when a filmmaker hired him for his “pervert’s face.” Tokuda figures the “elder porn” genre will grow with Japan’s increasing senior population.

Inexplicable

Two onetime roommates at the University of Michigan announced they have developed a smartphone app to accommodate people who seek an easy way to share leftover food on restaurant plates. Using smartphones’ location service, one diner could offer to clean another’s plate or have a stranger rush to his own table for scraps. “We’re not gonna make millions,” one of the developers told NPR in July.

People Different From Us

Jian Yang, 33, a media executive in Singapore, told Reuters he was concerned about the diminishing respect the Mattel Corp. is giving Barbie by reducing production in favor of trendier dolls, such as those modeled after Twilight characters. Yang is protective of his collection of more than 6,000 Barbies, which dominates his row house. He estimates the collection has cost him $400,000 since he took up the obsession at age 13. He said his parents have come to accept his passion, but acknowledged that he had a few ex-girlfriends who felt “insecure” around his supermodels. Yang owns about 3,000 non-Barbies. On his last trip to New York, he bought 65 more dolls.

Perspective

It’s now well-known that America’s “wounded warriors” are victimized by the huge backlog of unaddressed Dept. of Veterans Affairs disability claims, with veterans facing waits of many months or years. Nonetheless, the department is so proud of reducing the backlog that it’s begun to issue bonus checks to bureaucrats who meet the department’s numerical goals in case-reduction. One Washington Post story reported that the backlog reduction likely resulted from quickly approving the easier cases. The roster of serious or complicated cases continued to grow, along with appeals of decisions that were too hastily made by department employees.